Wednesday, December 10, 2014

The Road with no Beginning or End

I walked and walked through the fog and realized that I had to stop and take a picture of what lay in front of me and what lay behind me.  Here is what lay ahead of me:

I then stopped, took a look in front of me and then turned around and wondered what lay behind me:

At this point, I realized that I was on the path...this is such a beautiful path, where we no longer dwell on the past or worry about the future, but rather simply enjoy the present moment...I am only able to see a little bit in front of me, but the view is so beautiful...life is so beautiful.

I realized that I simply have to be present to appreciate the beauty right in front of me.  As is said in Peaceful Warrior, there is so much going on right now...most of the time, we simply miss it...we're either stuck in the past or worrying about the future.  We may not even dwell or worry, but sometimes glorify the past or dream about the future with anticipation or excitement, all the while simply missing the moment...the present!

As I stood there this morning, I realized that we have a choice to see this world as Heaven or Hell.  These worlds, if you will, are all creations of the mind, and we can choose Heaven.  I believe I read something similar in Swami Rama's book, Walking with the Himalayan Masters.  

As I spend more and more time in this program, I am beginning to let go of so much...I am letting go of the need for structure in my life, the desire for intellectual knowledge, the desire to achieve.  I desire now to simply be present and move with contentment.

These paths that I saw this morning also reminded me that we simply don't need to clearly see what lies ahead, but rather just move with faith / Shraddha that what lays ahead is beautiful, is good for us; that what I may choose to compare is the present moment to the past and ask, has life improved...do I move with Santosha / Samadhana.  Santosha meaning contentment, and Samadhana meaning moving with ease...being at ease.

May we all spend time just being or in wonder, not quite knowing what lies ahead / remembering what was in the past.  May we simply be happy and equanimous with this moment.  

The paths this morning seemed so romantic.  The walk felt like a romance of sorts.  This divine romance reminded me that I was not walking alone, but rather was being carried by him.  Though I felt like I was walking, I realized I was being carried in the palm of my divine master, Gurudev.  I cannot put into words how much love emanates from him when I realize that he's not a person, but rather the air I breathe, the water I drink, the ground I walk on, and the fire I witness in my Homa.  He is love...I am love.  We are love...we are that.  I am so grateful for the reminder that he is why I am here...why I am blossoming in love.  I could not imagine this life in any other way.  As a recent video by Alan Watts communicated, we are living our dream.  This is my dream...and it's becoming a beautiful dream come true.  I feel like the luckiest.  

May we see the path in front of us and behind us with a little mystery, romance, and simply abide in the moment. 

With love.  Jai Guru Dev, An Aspiring Yogi

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Frustrations at Sri Sri University

We just got back from Navratri break and I'm already getting really frustrated.  I just sent an email to Girin Bhaya, so am feeling better.  I just wonder what I'm doing here.  As I supposed to act / relax?  Am I supposed to be dispassionate about our lack of structure and organization or be passionate about our very own SSU MA Yoga program.  I feel like I likely need to be a little of both, passionate and dispassionate.  I was truly irritated today when I was pulled off stage when the bulk of class wanted to do a guided meditation, but we were told by one of our professors to do Sahaj.  I am unsure of what is the right path.  I think I need to take a break from SSU seva and just be a student.  To my intuition's point, just study and teach, study and teach.  I will no longer attempt to shape our program, rather I'll just be a witness to the course program.  I'll be more passive with the program and more active with teaching Art of Living Happiness and Sri Sri Yoga.  This makes me happy...why dwell on attempting to change something that obviously has no interest in my input?

Love & Jai Guru Dev,

An Aspiring Yogi 

Friday, October 3, 2014

Navratri 2014 with Gurudev – October 2nd, 2014

Just back from the Bangalore Ashram and wanted to share my experiences during Navratri over the past ten days…

Here's a picture attached of our mini-reunion when I bumped into my TTC Buddy on the way to the AOL Spinal Care course!  Note that Nitin Ji didn't even ask if he could have some of my Coconut hair oil ;-)



I was about to leave campus, Sri Sri University, on September 23rd 2014, and was frustrated by the lack of structure and detail in our MA program course syllabus.  I composed an email to our senior AOL faculty regarding an ambiguous syllabus for our yoga program's first semester; and then headed to the airport in our infamous Kalu Bhaya's rickshaw service.  Surprisingly, I was charged a reasonable 350 RS for the trip from campus to Bhubaneswar airport. 

I was tired after days of barely sleeping next door to a loud campus Vishala Cafe and many nights of telling our young students to be quiet at 2:30am or 3:30am in the morning.  I can only empathize with their immaturity as I, twenty years ago, at their age, would sometimes wake up drunk / hung-over somewhere on campus in the US at that hour.  So glad we at least have an alcohol-free and vegetarian sattvic campus.

So on to the airport I went, feeling spoiled by the fact that I was flying to Bangalore while many of our students were making a 24+ hour journey to the Bangalore Ashram via trains and buses.  I told myself I would make the journey next time with our students - Sangachhadhwam - meaning let's move together.

So on I went...I arrived at the Bangalore Ashram right around 7pm, just in time for Satsang.  Instead of checking in, I ran upstairs, dropped off my backpack in my dear friend, Arie's office, and headed to Satsang to see my beloved Gurudev.  I arrived just in time to see my beloved.  I could feel the sattva rising, the happiness within, and the feeling of rejoicing with my master...a feeling that must be felt by a baby when held by a mother.  Getting a smile from Gurudev is for me what breast-milk is to a baby.  I felt completely nourished and so fulfilled by just being in the same space.

After Satsang, I checked in and got settled into my room.  I remember feeling uncomfortable just a year ago when I was at the ashram Aparna residence hall for Sri Sri Yoga Teacher Training Course.  Now, though, I was fine and happy to be home again.  I was surprised by my shift from my "American" standard of living to the freedom associated with no longer needing an umbrella in the rain, a cap in the sun, or hot water / even a shower head in my room.  Though all of this is available at the ashram, I no longer desired / wanted / needed any of these things.  I am reminded of a beautiful story in the book, Living with the Himalayan Masters...I'll share more when I get another copy of the book. 

The next day we started our Navratri Silence course for teachers with Swamiji Bhramatej in Maitri Hall.  We were packed in like sardines and I barely had space for Ardha Matsyendrasana.  I was aching from my postural scoliosis and could not really meditate that day.  I decided to opt for the Vishalakshi Mantap (often referred to as the VM building) silence course for English speakers. The next day was amazing as I had a chair and two cushions.  I wasn't sure if I meditated / slept the second day, but I was happy nonetheless.  

I spent the first few days in silence wondering about moving from "what about me and I, me, or my" to selfless service and the infinite consciousness.  As I write, I still find the prevalent "I" but realize that this self(ish) ego can be quieter as more and more sadhana, satsang, and selfless service / seva is realized.  How can we shift to we / us vs. me / my?  I think the key is belongingness and realising that "I" belong to you & "you" are my Art of Living family, my biological family, my Sri Sri University family, and my human family.   When I think about my spiritual master, I think about how he feels belongingness with the whole world and about how all he wants to do is selflessly serve people and uplift humanity.

By day five of the silence course, I didn't want to come out of silence and was craving another 5 days of silence.  I wonder how 3 weeks of silence with hollow and empty meditations would be...one of these days we’ll hopefully offer a three week silence course program! 

We started day six with amazing Poojas and Homas.  I decided that no matter the cost, I would take all Sankalpas.  I was elated to be in every Sankalpa and also registered for the Spine Care course.  I still found sitting in Sukhasana for hours painful, but found myself going into deep meditations / samadhi.  These Poojas & Homas are so powerful, that even a beginner meditator can drop into a deep state of meditation in the field of sattva / consciousness created by the Vedic Sanskrit chantings.  I feel like these chantings encompass all religions.  I wonder if this amazing experience is how a Christian might feel in church prayers on Christmas Day / a Buddhist at a monastery sitting close to their master, a Muslim in a mosque on the last day of Ramadan, or even an Atheist maybe in nature at the top of Mount Everest.  My sister, an attorney, philosopher and atheist, has taken the Art of Living Happiness program and loved it.  I think she finds some of her greater moments of happiness on Lake Austin either boating / swimming in the lake.  It's amazing to see how quiet my little niece and nephew get when they are boating on Lake Austin...I love them dearly.

By the last day, day ten, I was tired from only sleeping five hours / night and having a sore back from sitting for hours each day.  We had a group breakout session for the internationals that Oct 2nd evening and I was half wanting to skip...I was exhausted from the go-go-go schedule of large group activities all day.  Earlier that day, I hit the onsite Internet cafe and emailed my nephew in Bangalore.  I craved seeing my nephew and cousin-brother and felt relieved at leaving the ashram for a few hours.  I wondered if I was restless / simply wanted to spend some time within my comfort zone as an introvert with just one or two other people vs. ten thousand...so I finalized plans and headed off to Jayanagar, a nearby suburb of Bangalore. 

Then it happened...we had a group breakout session for internationals at 5:30pm and I had a chance to lock eyes with Gurudev and get a smile from him.  That one look made me feel like I had slept for days and had the energy of a thousand elephants...well, maybe one really strong and happy elephant.  I was elated at having the chance to personally hand over a written letter to him from one of my dear classmates.  After our group session with Gurudev, I started walking outside and was grabbed by two of our Sri Sri University students.  They said, wait here, Gurudev's coming.  They said to tell Gurudev we are from Sri Sri University and I agreed hoping to get Gurudev's attention AGAIN!  I couldn't believe it...he saw me and I said “Gurudev, here's the Sri Sri University group” and he said, so lovingly, "ohhh."  I love it when he says "ohhh" with so much love.  He then asked me, "are you happy?" And I said "yes, very happy Gurudev."  I was so happy that I grabbed my fellow classmates and we hugged like we had just beat Pakistan in the world cup finals.  We then proceeded to walk with Gurudev for a little while before he literally took off like a rocket for the massive Satsang awaiting his arrival at 6:30pm or so.  I had never seen Gurudev move so quickly and was awed at how diverse we see our beloved...as still as Kapha can be and as dynamic as Milkha (reference to an amazing Hindi movie).

So off I went to return to the worldly life of seeing my family as I headed away from our heavenly ashram.

Longing to see my beloved again soon...may we aspire to be the unconditional love he lives by.  May we lift the Tamas & Rajas and leave each other in pure Sattva as he leaves us back to our worldly ways to share this joy with others.

In deep gratitude…may I meet you and give unconditional love.  As Gurudev says, may we give and give and give and give love...may love blossom and manifest from within our higher self or the big mind.  May we be his instrument for the music of healing and unconditional divine love.
 
Love & Jai Guru Dev,

An Aspiring Yogi

Saturday, August 23, 2014

Random Blog Entry

for the intellect - the truth is there is nothing - nothing exists at the intellect thought level - this is all maya

Love for the heart & soul to soul comm.


This is not the path of denial, but rather realization.  Do not suppress or deny what you desire.  Just realize the futility of your desire.  Realize the smallness of your desires and wake up to the big mind.  Desire for something greater, for greatness itself...Mumukshatva.  Realize desires whether fulfilled / unfulfilled are just desires & have faith that the divine knows what is best for you.  Surrender feverishness, cravings &/ aversions to the divine.  Come back to the truth.  Remember the 2 questions that will be asked...did you love & did you help.  Do not create your own misery through lust, anger, greed, &/ arrogance.

A Few Days at Sri Sri University

A few days at Sri Sri University

August 4th, 2014

I'll start by saying that I am very grateful to be hes re at what I feel like is just the beginning of a university that will house hundreds if not thousands of students in the future.  I can just imagine what the university will be like in another 25 years with many buildings, paved roads, & A/C rooms.  I envision beautiful trees, campus buildings by subject & state of the art high-tech classrooms, kind of like Rice University's business school building.

I've been challenged by my lack of Hindi.  I am going to start studying again & hopefully be conversational within the next couple of years.

Well, enough seva for the day.  I am working on the remodel / make-ready of the SSU yoga hostel...a little ways to go, but will hopefully be done within a few weeks.  We only have a month left.


Love & Jai Guru Dev

Letter to Myself

Dear Ritesh,

Know that you are here at this point in your life for a reason.  You are here to serve & go deeper on the path.  You are done with material life & are now 100% focused on the path.  You are so lucky to have an enlightened master.  You are so lucky to have chosen love over everything else in this world.

Learn the invaluable lesson you learned from JS, a wise 68 year old who spent 20 years full-time with TM & then decided he wanted money.  He even once refused an invite from Gurudev.  He was even told to stop teaching once.

His advice:  stay the course no matter how hungry you get.  Stick it out...this is the way.  

Focus on serving others, giving love, & gaining knowledge.  Remember your three main responsibilities:  1). Parents; 2).  Society; 3). Knowledge.

In every action, see each action as a yogic action.  Ask yourself if your actions & thoughts are that of a yogi / Brahmacharya.  Are you present & giving 100% effort in that moment.  Now now now!  

Remember to think in terms of we, us, & ours; not me, my, or I.  Be selfless, not selfish.  Be of service.  Teach others & you'll grow in knowledge.  Live the knowledge & you'll grow in wisdom.

Do not resist thoughts / get disappointed by them, but rather surrender them to the river of consciousness...remember to simply drop it & surrender when needed.

And stay a strong peaceful warrior.  Remember to put the big mind over everything else.  Remember to be single-pointed with a one track mind on Gurudev, on doing his work & seeking his company.  Remember to focus on Sadhana, seva, smile, & Satsang.  Remember to share the knowledge & teach every opportunity you get.  Focus on the big mind &/ the field of consciousness vs. anything else...not the seers / senior teachers / the sense scenery.

Eat less...stay light & focus on fruits, vegetables, & nuts and stay away from sweets, processed sugar, fried foods, Tamsic foods, rice, & bread / roti / chapati.

Be love & bring many devotees to Gurudev.  

Share knowledge via weekly video nights, hosting courses, sending knowledge via email, calling &/ connecting to people, & being sincere.  Do not dwell / discuss the past socially, but rather take social opportunities to share the knowledge & enthusiasm for what Gurudev's sharing with the world.

Keep doing yoga asanas & aerobic exercises like running, swimming, & sports.  Go for a walk first thing in the am / at sunrise.  Go for another walk / run at sun set.  Take time to be with nature.  

Remember that Mother Earth loves you.  Gravity loves you.  The air loves you.  Your family loves you. Remember to realize that everyone on this planet are your brothers & sisters.  Treat everyone as though they are your dear siblings & always be of selfless service.  Give & give & give love.  Give everything you can for you'll take nothing with you.

Do not dwell on the past / worry about the future.  Every time you think about the future / past, you are robbing yourself of the beautiful present moment!  BE PRESENT.

Take the time to smell the roses & walk slowly, breathe, & sit &/ stand straight with good posture.  When you have good posture, you resonate love & confidence to others.  They will seek your guidance & enroll!

Love you so much...I can't wait for you to find your self hiding in your heart.

Jai Guru Dev,



Your self 7/22/14

Letter to Gurudev & Gratitude Letter on Guru Poornima 2014

Dear Gurudev,

I am so grateful & lucky to be on this path with you as my master, my love, my everything.

I am grateful for the opportunities to teach and volunteer.  I am grateful for Satsang and the time I had with you in India this and last year.

After returning from India in March, I  became overcome with desire & lust.  As a Brahmacharya, I could not resist the thoughts of sex with women.  I realized that becoming a Brahmacharya now was not a happening, but rather a struggle.  Within a month of returning, I ended up letting my energy go.  I decided that I needed a woman / girlfriend.  I shaved my beard & started dating someone within a week.

I am not in love with this woman & would simply prefer to be completely free of this desire, but the only time I feel completely free of desire is when I am with you in the Bangalore Ashram.  

I want to be close to you and be of service in India.  I recently became an Overseas Citizen of India (OCI) and want to be at the Bangalore Ashram with you.

I am willing to do seva at the ashram  / if you prefer, settle in Bangalore & work in the city.  I would be glad to do whatever you say & value your direction more than anything in this life.

I completely surrender to you and realize that I love you more than anything in this world.

Gurudev, I hope to be physically close to you, but will listen to whatever direction you give me.

I feel so lucky to be on this path and wish for others to realize your grace.

Please give me direction so that I can be liberated from these small minded cravings & aversions.  

Gurudev, more than anything, I wish for my body to be your humble abode.  I wish for you to use me be.

I have completed basic Hindi and am now about to start intermediate conversational Hindi.  

May this sense of I give and give and give & realize love blossoming in this field of consciousness.

Love & Jai Guru Dev,

Ritesh Sheth
Austin, TX
April 4th 2014

Guru Poornima Day 07-12-14

Dear Gurudev,

I am so grateful for this past year of growth & love blossoming.  I am so happy to have given Marma treatments, teach the Happiness Program three & 1/4 times & teach Sri Sri Yoga.  I am so grateful to have spent three months with you in India over the past year.  I am also so grateful for getting accepted into the Vedic Wisdom course & Sri Sri Yoga TTC.  I can't believe I've not only been accepted into Sri Sri University, but also have your blessings to move to India.

I feel like in the past year my vasanas have reduced & my happiness has increased.  I still have times of negative thoughts & emotions, but surrender them to pitta imbalance / surrender them to the river of consciousness.  

I also feel like in the past year I completely surrendered to you.  I am finally ready to take whatever direction you give me.  I am completely at your service.

I surrender any thoughts of lust, anger, greed &/ violence to you completely.  I have no idea why any thoughts of negativity arise, but know you'll steer me in the right direction.

Please know that I love you more than anything in this world & have complete faith that you'll take care of me.  I feel spoiled by you & believe I am on the royal path, a Raja Yogi.

In so much gratitude & love,

Ritesh


Gratitude Journal Entries over a Year


3/26/13
After a tough day being ungrateful, I was kindly reminded when starting Rudram to be grateful for his healing.    My allergies quickly subsided the minute I started Rudram...such a blessing.  I have had an amazing day reminding myself of the gratitude we don't have when we feel great health.  With a painful shoulder, allergies, & some negative thoughts, I grumbled out of the gym...but I forgot that I GOT to go to the gym, to have the freedom and will to workout and have great company with a great friend.  I am so grateful for this time of my life to take a deep dive within.  I was reminded again today of the victim in every criminal.  With my negative prejudice thoughts / racism; I am reminded that every crime has a corresponding victim for the one who has no answer for the pain and suffering an uncontrollable mind's thoughts &/ actions have on that individual.  No matter what one may do to cover up the thoughts, the silence felt at times, beats any reason for these recurring thoughts.  May the Sadhana, Satsang, and Silence remove the sanskaras.


2/26/13
At Austin Recovery...so grateful for the opportunity to teach yoga, breath work, & meditation to the group of recovering folks here.


12/29/12
Very grateful for a fun night last night with Karen.
Feel so lucky, but concerned that my basic intellectual & physical nature may be against spirituality
Feel so lucky to be communicating with AK, A, KR, HS, AM, & KS




8/28/12
Thankful for amazing Sadhana this am
Great vegan breakfast - with strawberries & bananas
Progress on the Nueces Commercial deal
DBA conf on IPM Austin
Title App for Honda Accord
Help from TF with potential buyer on Bridle Path
For amazing Wharton Guruji video 
For post-date checks from E on Rockmoor
Waking up with a smile 
Inquiry on Bridle Path
Pre-TTC app printed out & completed
For the knowledge to realize wisdom is beyond words
To have a great friend to spend the evening with on Lake Austin boating

8/29/12
Grateful for am Sadhana 
Grateful for 8am yoga teaching at Austin Recovery
Opportunity to interview

8/29/12
Grateful for am Sadhana 
So happy to be at Career Center working on resume 
Excited about successful Nueces meeting - lunch
Grateful for TF's help today
Feel lucky to help J with refrigerator 
Grateful for low price bid on 3711B remodel
Feel lucky for CT's call

9/5/12
Grateful for am Sadhana and the opportunity to teach at Austin Recovery
Grateful for insurance to check my health & get blood tested
Grateful for Dr's advice to stay out of the sun & stay well hydrated

9/18/12
Grateful for AI & MS's Co today.
Grateful for amazing opportunity to intro AOL to AI.
Grateful for how everything worked out with Hertz
Grateful for KT's move-in & TF follow-up
Grateful for yoga & kriya
Grateful for good energy 

10/15/12
Grateful for finishing Pre-TTC
Grateful for MF's healing
Grateful for Sadhana this am
Grateful for a nice Whole Foods breakfast
Grateful for the D&B wire deposit
Grateful for the opportunity to be back in San Francisco today
Grateful for Greg's help with West 9th
Grateful for high rent and full occupancy
Grateful for an amazing opportunity with eBay 
Grateful for the chance to see HS on Tu
Grateful for divine love & Guruji's grace 
Grateful for the depth created in pain

10/16/12
Grateful for:  knowledge & Sadhana today
Pacific Coast hwy drive
A nice night with HS & S
Making my flight on time & getting time for Sadhana 
Comfortable travel clothes
The ability to fast most of the travel day
Amazing fruits 
A successful and safe drive - no accidents / speeding tickets 
Finding my tooth brush & toothpaste
Leaving HS's place clean
Playing chase with Sketch in backyard 
Sketch barking at Guruji's visit 
Feeling great with great health all day
Not too many negative thoughts / emotions
A great shave
Bringing warm smiles to many I came in contact with today 
Opportunities to share genuine compliments 

Random Journal Entries over a Year

7/17/14
Just finished Satsang with Gurudev & found myself listening to my question read out loud.  Quite embarrassing...the question was around pleasure seeking in the spiritual world.  He answered with an interesting thought.  He said to not to always think "what about me / what about me, what about me...he also I think alluded to the need for being selfless & of service to others - hence not always thinking about your own life."  I sense the answer lies in being more selfless & simply of service to others...like today when I thought about Shakti Kriya, I didn't volunteer to simply help...

I do wonder if school is a selfish pursuit...but it's not for money, but rather to gain knowledge & then serve Gurudev in any capacity he wants. 
 I am confused on being selfless when in complete surrender...

I wonder if Gurudev's answer has something to do with my...."it's the MY that's the issue."  How do you change that to we / us / ours.

Love & JGD

7/6/14:
I am with Gurudev at the Boone Ashram.  I was having an amazing day, but felt bad after my dinner conversation with R Ji.  Bless his heart, I don't think he meant to be negative, but that is how I perceived it.  He said that I have to do something specific - be a man of importance at the Ashram...alluding to potentially making a mistake.  I got frustrated with the thought of doing the wrong role / getting into something I don't like, but SO WHAT.   I am there for Gurudev & to be of service whether it's cleaning / leading a team.  I am honestly not a big fan of team leadership...I need to find my own creative path and figure out how to be close to Gurudev / simply surrender.

Gurudev, I completely surrender to you.  Next time someone asks me what I am doing after I graduate, I'll simply say "let's see....I don't really have any ambitions in the spiritual realm...just to be of service & be physically close to the master.

6/22/14:
Why is it that the mind clings to something not desired in the conscious?  Why does a vasana that's found in the outside environment affect the mind?  Why is it that we cannot live with purity & innocence?  I assume this is all karma, but am baffled by what the mind chooses to cling to even though it has no interest in what the clinged is.  The mind is a strange vessel beyond comprehension.

I wonder why simple silence of the senses is not a happening...

I feel as though this is one of my last trips to the West Coast & US.  I can tell that I'll be leaving the West soon & do not really have any burning desire to return.  I feel that my relationship with family is ok, but the depth in divine love is lacking.  I feel the depth with other devotees exceeds anything beyond reason.  This is the first time I have realized this.  I feel I am going in very deep & hope to only keep my mind on Gurudev.  May my one pointed focus be on knowledge & serving Gurudev.  May he lift whatever botherations come up.

Love & Jai Guru Dev

7/14/13:
I am slowly on the way to the Montreal Ashram.  Can't wait to be there.  Will be wonderful to see Gurudev and the rest of our AOL family.  I'll also get to see D & T.  I felt Gurudev's presence when I pulled up L's photo...I have a feeling L's the one...we'll see.  I am looking forward to learning Guru Puja and will hopefully get the kit too.  I also need to register for GP2 in Bangalore.


7/13/13:  Last night I stayed at KR's house & today I feel guilty.  I feel like I have low Prana and have lost a lot of Tejas.  I also feel like I satisfied a craving that carried feverishness.  How to overcome this desire of lust?  How to find the center & groundedness free from desire?  How to stop hurting another person on this path?  How to uplift that person and be an example free from physical desire?  I feel guilty, bad, and frustrated that this desire for sex still exists.  My wish and hope is that I may overcome the desire for sex.  How do we shift this procreative energy to the heart center?  I hope to one day be able to live from a centered state of the heart center.  May I be free from lust.  This is a wish.  If needed, may I find romantic love.


"Know that you are going to leave everything here and go. You are not going to take anything with you when you leave this world. The cause of misery is holding onto things; mine, mine, mine!" - Sri Sri Ravi Shankar

From Burned out to Blissed Out in Two Days

8/19/14
Amazing how one day can change by so much...there's something about being at the ashram with the master that's beyond comprehension.  I just left Gurudev's meeting area at the ashram.  The place was magical, but most all, being right there 1x1 with the guru was amazing.  I had a chance to directly speak with Gurudev for a while.  I asked about SSU & he said to come back to him with a proposal.  I am hoping to speak with him again in September when he comes to SSU.  He also wanted me to attend the Upanayanam ceremony tomorrow & I told him I did my thread changing (Upakarma) this year.  I told him about the journey to the river and dropping the thread in the river.  I told him I loved our campus & the river there.  Kamlesh Ji was soooo sweet to setup the time with Gurudev.  There were maybe 15 of us in the room with Gurudev, mostly senior teachers / full-timers with projects.  I watched many commercials including one with our dear Mikey on his book.  There were some really funny commercials for Art of Living Happiness program.  We even have one for Care For Children that is so sweet.  

I never imagined I would get to spend so much intimate time with the master...I still can feel the vibrations of sitting right next to him...it was amazing.  I am still in awe at the fact that I was able to be so close to him.  

Towards the end, after a few folks received darshan, he called a group of guys up & I joined thinking I was part of the group...later I realized I wasn't!  Lol!  Gurudev still so graciously received me with so much love & never made me feel like I wasn't part of the group.  After a minute, I realized I wasn't, & proceeded to get a warm and loving wave from Gurudev as it was time to go.

We had a great wrap-up to the Bhagavad Gita session today. The final session was beautiful.  The way Gurudev describes the Bhagavad Gita makes you feel like Gurudev was there & can share so many different views on the same knowledge.  We had a great Satsang this evening where Gurudev was glowing with a fan blowing his hair.  He looked magical.  I fell in love all over again.

Gurudev's presence is beyond anything I can describe...simply put, we are blessed to have him with us...I hope more will come to treasure him as the Master, Guru, & divine love that he is.  He is that...and he's showing me that "you are that" too.

With love.  Jai Guru Dev

8/18/14
So today I am not feeling too well...I can sense my prana is very low due to some negativity flowing through the mind.  Today I had a repetitive thought of violence & I felt guilty & ashamed because of it.  I am at the Bangalore Ashram and just spent a frustrating day here though it was nice to see Gurudev twice.  I am frustrated by just about everything from the lock that rarely opens on our room door to the ridiculous $80/night I was charged to stay here this week...I am about done with the constant overcharging of US internationals for just about everything.  I am growing tired of the bureaucracy & the lack of support that I need to get basic things done like course refunds & transferring my teacher certifications to India.  I sincerely love Gurudev so much, but am unsure why I am not in bliss / happily dancing around with everyone at Satsang.  I just don't feel like celebrating every night.  

I am struggling with a herniated disc, postural scoliosis, & a belly that doesn't feel good.  All I really want to do is go running, play ping pong, lift weights, & do my Sadhana.  I love studying and am looking forward to being back at SSU, but am really not wanting to be back at the ashram.  I don't know why...I am beginning to wonder if it's because I have to have an honest look at myself / if it's because I have to share my Guru.  I struggle with so much here...there's definitely a war in the mind.  I struggle with waking up early, sitting straight, eating carbs all day, eating...I wonder how I could have dreamt up the ultimate love within a nightmare....I wonder when this dream gets happier & my prana level begins to stay high.

I feel the ashram is simply put, stressful...there's no silence & the accommodation is simply uncomfortable.  There's excitement with Gurudev, but I don't feel peaceful all the time.

I think I just simply need a break from the Guru.  I like his company in more intimate environments, but also simply like my own company.  I would love to be truly close to him, but am unsure how when my mind is acting like a crazy guy that he & his closest ones probably want to keep me away from...

I can only wonder...wishing for peace, happiness, equanimity, & dispassion.  Hoping to find some peace in this crazy dream I am having...may I wake up & realize the ethereal existence & meet the self.

Love & Jai Guru Dev,


A burned out devotee...

Treasured Knowledge Over Time

Some selected favorites of knowledge that I've captured over the past year / two from Gurudev... 

Knowledge 


Wisdom is your quality of consciousness. - Guru Poornima 


7/12/14
Just be simple, easy, and relaxed. If you don’t have a complicated mind, you won’t have bad thoughts. Just observe the mind and relax. - Sri Sri Ravi Shankar


All desires are for happiness. That is the goal of desire, isn't it? How often does your desire lead you to the goal? But have you thought about the nature of desire? It simply means tomorrow, and not now, isn't it? Joy is never tomorrow. It is always now. 


How can you have desires when you are joyful? And how can you really be joyful now when you have desires? Desire appears to lead you to happiness. In fact it cannot. And that is why it is Maya. What do you say?


Buddha said that desire is the cause of all misery. If your desire does not get fulfilled, it leads to frustration and causes misery. Even if it does get fulfilled, it leaves you empty. 


Vashishhtha said that desire is the cause of pleasure. You get pleasure from an object or a person only when you desire them. When you do not desire an object, you do not get pleasure from it. For example, when a person is hot and thirsty, a sip of cold water gives him pleasure; but not if he is not thirsty. Whatever gives you pleasure binds you and bondage is misery. 


Sri Sri says when you desire for truth, all other desires drop off. You always desire for something that is not there. But, truth is always there! Desire for truth removes all other desires and it itself dissolves. And what remains is bliss.


From whomever you receive love, just know that it from the Divine. You are getting love from the one supreme energy. 


Your affection is also is toward that one energy only, and you are simply receiving its love through this person or that person. Know this and relax. 


Whether that person is true or false, right or wrong, don’t fall into these traps of the mind. 


If you get sunlight through the window, then you know that the light is coming from the sun. It is not the light of the window. So just understand this much and relax.


Q: I often talk to you in my heart. How do I satisfy myself that my words have reached you? 


Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: My job is not to satisfy you but to make you restless to get the highest knowledge. In that restlessness, you achieve awareness.


When you are stuck with cravings and desires, then you do not get the power to bless others. But when you become so content from within and feel that ‘I do not want anything’, then a great power dawns from within you, and you become able to fulfill not only your own desires, but the desires of others around you as well. 


You know, in airports and railway stations there are lounges, and in a lounge, what do you do?
You keep your luggage and start eating. You use the bathroom and freshen-up; but you don’t open your suitcase and hang your clothes all over the place. 
You don’t do that in a transit lounge. You keep your things packed.


So this world is just a transit lounge. Don’t mistake it to be your home.


The mind that is seeking pleasure cannot be centered. You either seek pleasure or come to me. When you are centered, all pleasures come to you anyway, but they are no longer pleasures. They lose their charm. 


The mind that seeks pleasure can never achieve the highest. If you are after pleasure, forget about Satsang. Why are you wasting your time? This is the Art of Living.


If you are enjoying your suffering, then you also cannot be centered and you are far away from the path.




Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: First of all, let us understand that spirituality is not something that is out there, that is going to come into you. We are all made up of matter and spirit. 
Our body is made up of carbohydrate, protein, amino acids, etc. Our spirit is made up of compassion, care, commitment, love and distortions of it, like anger. All these qualities. Nurturing the human values, the qualities in you, is spirituality. It is seeing life from a broader perspective, i.e., 'I am not just flesh and bones, but I am scintillating energy. I am a fountain of love. I am feelings. I am intelligence. I am thoughts'. 
This identification with our consciousness is what spirituality is. It doesn't take a long time for you to invoke the spirituality inside you. You simply have to see your life from a bigger perspective. Look at this planet, it is huge; unfathomable. From billions of years it has been in existence. And what’s our life of 70-80 years in comparison to this? See your life from the context of space and time and you will see how tiny your life is. At the same time, go deep into it. Go deep into meditation and you will find, 'Wow, there is so much energy. I am this beautiful energy. My thought has power, my emotions have power, and I am a part of everybody!'. 
This feeling that you are part of the entire living species is what exactly spirituality is. That connectedness with the entire universe brings you enormous strength.


Don’t get into collecting things. Grasp the knowledge that is being given. Don’t bother about getting some piece of clothing, or some object of mine. Drop that. There is such deep knowledge being given. Grasp the knowledge, because that stays with you for many lifetimes


Effort on the path brings limited progress based on time...to overcome negative thought & emotions look to the effortless aspect beyond time (sat / truth / Atma - all else being maya) - the answer to overcoming negativity lies within this statement


Viparyaya - when they are cooking in their own mind - activity of chitta - when people feel they are not being loved


Vikalpa - fantasy


‘Look my dear, what you are doing will hurt you. So don’t do it. I am telling you this out of love and compassion for you, so please do not make this mistake because it is going to hurt you even more’. 


every time before having food “Annadatta Sukhi Bhavva” which says, Blessings to the Farmer, Businessmen and the Lady, who in kitchen makes the food.




Sanathana Dharma - eternally valid values 


‘Annadaata Sukhi Bhavah’ (May the provider of my food be blessed with peace and prosperity)






The wise one knows that he owns the sun, the moon, the stars, the air, all of space and the Divine in its entirety


Be passionate to serve when you are happy. Have dispassion when you are miserable, and be compassionate all the time


Are you selfish, egotistical, & judgmental or are you selfless, loving, & unassuming?  Listen to what's not being said & build your awareness & intuition.


If you are loving, then you are welcome everywhere in the world. If you feel and be one with people anywhere you go, then people are ready to do anything for you - Sri Sri.


Q: How do we let go of unpleasant memories and limitations?


Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: Accept the past as it was, be dispassionate and centered, do service and Be in the presence of Divine company.


The four Pillars of Knowledge 

The four Pillars of Knowledge


You have heard “Everything is God. There is nothing outside of God.”. Then why is this not your experience? This is a fundamental question. Why is God not an experiential reality for you?


To reach the self, there are four major tools, the four Pillars of Knowledge:


The first one is calledg Viveka. Viveka is grossly translated as discrimination, but it’s not just discrimination. Viveka is the understanding or observation that everything is changing. Whatever you consider as stationary or solid is neither stationary nor solid. Everything is changing. Existence is an ever changing reality.


Our own bodies are changing. Every minute new cells are born and old cells are dying. Every time you breathe, old energy goes out and new energy comes in. Our body is a bundle of atoms and atoms are always disintegrating. Our thoughts and emotions are changing. You are not the same person you were yesterday. You cannot maintain the same degree of happiness or sadness all the time. It fluctuates. Emotions, feelings, view points are all changing.


But there is something different from all this that is not changing. The one who is observing the change is non-changing, otherwise how can one recognize the change? The reference point to recognize change has to be non-changing. Discriminating between that which is not changing, and everything else which is ever changing is “Viveka”. Understanding that everything in this world is changing would reduce 99% of the misery in this world.


The second pillar is called Vairagya. Vairagya is translated as Dispassion. Behind every misery there is hope. Hope is the fuel for miserable people. There is deep desire for some joy in the future: If I change my town, I will be happy. If I change my relationship, or my job, or my company, I will be happier. People who are single think they will be happy if they get married. Married people think they were better off when they were single. A child thinks when he/she grows up and goes to college they will happy. A college student says “Once I get a job I will be happy”. A manager says “When I become the director I will be happy” Postponing happiness sometime in the future can make you miserable right now.


Pleasure can also tire you. How long can you look at something beautiful? Eventually you will get tired of it; your eyelids will fall off. How long can you smell a beautiful fragrance? People working in the perfume factories are sick of perfumes. If you like donuts, how many can you stuff through your mouth? How much ice-cream can you enjoy? Music- how much can you hear? Touching, and being touched, how long can you enjoy? The world is full of pleasure for the five senses, but the senses have their limitations. But the mind wants endless joy. An attitude of “So what! Let it be, whatever” takes away the feverishness in you and brings you to that pillar of dispassion.


Dispassion is NOT apathy! Often we think dispassion means being unenthusiastic, depressed and not interested in anything. This is not dispassion! Dispassion is lack of feverishness. Dispassion is full of activity and enthusiasm, yet devoid of feverishness. Dispassion towards the enjoyments of the five sense or the spiritual enjoyment, towards the seen and the unseen, the outer world or the inner world, is the second pillar of knowledge.


The third pillar consists of the Six Wealths. The Vedas have mentioned six types of Wealths: Shama, Dama, Uparati, Titiksha, Shraddha, and Samadhana.


The first wealth is Shama. Shama is tranquility of the mind. When the mind wants to do too many things, it gets completely scattered. When shama is established, you are able to focus and your mind is more alert. When dispassion is firmly established, shama automatically starts happening, the mind is tranquil.


The second wealth is Dama. Dama means control over senses, the ability to have a say over one’s senses. May times you don’t want to say something, yet you do. Many times you don’t want to look at something, yet you look anyways. You decided you are full and you will not eat anymore. Then some nice food is served, and it smells so good that you go ahead and take a bite, and another. Soon, to your surprise, you find that you have stuffed in more than your tummy can take. Having Dama, you are not carried away by our senses. You will say “Yes” or “No” to the senses, not the other way around.


The third wealth is Titiksha. Titiksha means endurance or forbearing. When difficult things come, forbearance allows you to go on without getting completely shaken. In life, some pleasant events happen, some unpleasant events happen. So what! None of them stay forever. Health comes and sickness comes. Moods come and go. Profits come and losses come. People come and go in life. Titiksha is not getting shaken by what happens. Of ten what is unpleasant can become pleasant later on. What you thought was very bad, later on was found to be very good for you. It made you strong. Understanding this helps not hanging on to the past and not judging events as good or bad. The ability to not get carried away by the events is Titiksha. When you play a game, winning and loosing is a part of it. The game has more value when it is a little tough. If you already knew who will win the game, you will loose interest in the game. Look at life as a game. Just turn back and look at all the difficult situations you have gone through in life. In spite of it all, you are complete today. The difficulties could not destroy you. They only made you stronger. You are more powerful than them.


The fourth wealth is Uparati. Uparati means rejoicing in your own nature, being with your nature. Often you are not with your nature, you or doing things because someone else says or does something. Often people do things for approvals from others. Being in the present moment, being the joy that you are, the ability to rejoice in anything that you do, that is Uparati. Letting go of everything, being playful is Uparati, and then taking everything seriously is also Uparati. These are completely opposite values, but taking them together, living them together, that is Uparati.


The fifth wealth is Shraddha. Shraddha means faith. Faith is needed when you have found the limit of your knowledge. You know something this far, and you don’t know anything beyond that. Your willingness to know the unknown is Shraddha, the faith. If your mind is fixed, and says “That’s it. I know it all”, that is ego. The more you know, the more will be the feeling that you don’t know. Recognition of the unknown is Shraddha. Faith in your self, faith in the Master, faith in the Divine, faith in the infinite order of things, faith in that love of infinity, is Shraddha. Observe the nature of doubt. Doubt is always about something positive. When someone says, “I love you”, you doubt asking “Really”? But when someone says, “I hate you, I am angry at you”, then you don’t doubt it, you don’t ask “Really?”. Doubt the negative, and be confident of the positive. Without faith, it would be like someone saying, “First let me learn how to swim, then I will get into the water”. You have to get into the water to learn swimming. The entire world works on faith. For example, any system, whether a credit card system, airlines, banks, even a medical system, although there is no guarantee, there is a high probability that everything will work the way it is meant to. If there could be 100 percent probability, then there would be no need of faith. When there is less than 100 percent probability, that means the result is not knowledge, it is based on faith.


The sixth wealth is Samadhana. Samadhana means being at ease, being content. How do you feel when you are at ease? How does it feel when you are totally at ease, calm and serene? Being at ease with you, at ease with the people and situations around you, with the whole existence, is Samadhana. This is a great wealth by itself.These six wealths together form the third pillar.


The fourth pillar is called Mumukshatva. Mumukshatva is the desire for the highest, a desire for total freedom, for enlightenment, whatever you want to call it. First of all you can desire something only when you feel it is possible for you. When you think it is not possible, then you cannot even desire it. When you think enlightenment is not possible for you, then slowly you eliminate the possibility, and then the next possibility, and then the next. Mumukshatva is present when there is a deep desire for the highest, a burning desire, a longing for the Divine.


When there is a desire in someone to learn, it should come from within. Don’t think you have to attain it. Think you already have it. To some degree, to some extent, you have all the six wealths also. If you put a little more attention on them, they become stronger and more solid in you. The pillars are already there, you only have to make them stronger, build them a little higher.




|| Jai Guru Dev ||
             


   




Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.
 ― Mahatma Gandhi


Sattvic intellect is seeing that there is one thing, one truth, one reality, one consciousness that is underneath the whole creation. When this truth is well lodged in the mind though you see the differences, dwell in differences, you will be unshaken. ~ Sri Sri


I am not the body; I am bliss, satchitananda; I am unbounded space; I am love; I am peace; I am light.


Feel blessed 


Yoga is uniting...unity - body, mind / intellect, and breath. 


Ask the divine for forgiveness each day.


Ask the divine "may I do some good with these hands today."


5 knowledge points:
1. Accept people & situations as they are
2. Opposite values are complimentary
3. Do not be the football of other people's opinions 
4. Do not see intention behind other people's mistakes
5. The present moment is inevitable


5 principles:
1. Forgiveness
2. Sincerity
3. Compassion
4. Contentment
5. Truth




Gurur Brahma Gurur Vishnu 
Gurur Devo Mahesh Varaha


Guru Sak shat param Brahma
Thusme shree guruve namaha

Sunday, August 10, 2014

My First Upakarma

Today I did my first Upakarma.  Beatiful ceremony with so much grace.  We did a homa puja and all repeated specific mantras, parts from the Sandhya Pooja.  I took my old sacred threads to the river bordering campus, about a 2 km walk from central campus.  The prana that flowed through during the ceremony was amazing.  I think having all of us doing the pooja together created an amazing energy and experience.  Looking forward to doing my 1,008 mantras tomorrow.

Here's a picture from the foot journey walk on our 180 acre campus to the river.  Beautiful cows and birds along the way...

Here's a view of the river along the edge of campus...an amazing walk.


and finally, here's the place where I dropped off my sacred threads to celebrate a year gone by...until next year.


Love & Jai Guru Dev

Thursday, August 7, 2014

First Week at Sri Sri University

Hope you enjoy...kind of relaxing and slow...not too much excitement just yet!
First Week at Sri Sri University

It’s been exactly one week that I’ve been on campus here at Sri Sri University.  It’s been a very relaxing induction into student life.  The Masters program got delayed by one month so I’ve been just helping out and studying in my free time.  I’m enjoying the seva activities and meeting all of the students.

The amazing thing is how nice everyone is.  The students here are so kind and sweet.  The students seem very innocent.  The MBA students appear to be having a blast, which is fun to see.  I’ve been playing ping pong with the boys just about every evening.  I bought the students new paddles and balls…secret seva is a lot of fun J

The campus here is just getting started.  The campus reminds me of old photos of the Bangalore Ashram 20 or 25 years ago.  The 180 acre campus here is mostly bare land along the river.  We have about 7 or 8 buildings on campus including two good sized hostels (dorms) that each have about 80 rooms among 5 or 6 floors.  The students seem very happy with the campus setup.  I have been getting used to the heat and rain.  I think my body actually likes that I’m not constantly in A/C.  My room does not have A/C, so I have the ceiling fan on full blast!  I have been learning lessons like not to keep food in my room as ants love food!  I’ve also been drinking 2 to 4 liters of water per day to account for all of the sweating!  I’ve been taking 3 to 4 showers / day which takes up most of my day ;-)  I now love the cold water baths.  We don’t have hot water in the boys hostel.  I use a bucket and a cup to take my baths…this must sound very foreign to most Americans.  At first, over the first few days, I missed the creature comforts of the US like my Central A/C and heat in the house and car.  I missed the comfort of driving everywhere with my main exercise coming from Pure Austin, our local Austin gym.  Here, I’m actually setting up the gym on the top floor of our hostel.  We currently only have two dumb-bells and a very basic bench press.  I’m hoping to setup a whole new wing of the hostel with sweet gym equipment; and really get folks in shape!  I’ve been running every other day or so and like to get in a good sweat at night.  I feel great walking around campus and really enjoy the natural beauty.  I can just see our university looking like the Bangalore Ashram in 10 years.  Many buildings will hopefully come up including an engineering school and a medical school.  We’ll hopefully have a cafĂ© and a bookstore, paved roads, and recycling to name a few things.  I have heard we’ve had a ton of progress over the past 4 years, so am excited to see what the next few years entail. 

I feel so lucky to spend time with Bawa and Dinesh Ji here at Sri Sri University.  They seem so accessible.  I just walk in to their office / usually just see them walking around campus.  They are so humble and accessible.  One night, I just stopped running and started talking to both of them while they were walking.  I didn’t even think to ask if they were busy / if I could speak with them.  They are so chill and laid back it’s nice to be around them.  They both seem very busy though, so it’s not always easy to catch them. 
My current seva projects include managing the remodel of the Yoga Hostel and classrooms, getting our gym setup, and getting some materials together to potentially teach Pricing and Financial Independence.  We’ll see what opportunities come up.  I would love to teach our BBA & MBA students financial independence via Rich Dad Poor Dad and Cash Flow 101.  I think the business students should also know pricing strategy, so I’ll teach if asked.

I was feeling a little home sick and missed the comforts of living in the US until I shared a rickshaw with a new faculty member here.  We headed into town and I fell in love with all of the life that’s found in India.  With 1.2B people, you feel like every town center’s NYC.  There are people everywhere.  A traffic jam in India doesn’t just involve cars; it includes pedestrians, bicycles, scooters, motorcycles, trucks, cars, and cows.  There’s also a plethora of horn honking and scents.  It’s quite a festival of sorts.  I fall in love with India every time I get in a rickshaw.  It’s like the country comes alive with so many people everywhere.

Regarding nature, I’ve had my fair share of life just about everywhere including my bed!  I’ve seen many ants, mosquitos, lizards, dogs, and cows.  While walking to my yoga hostel, I ended up walking through a large group of something…sheep / goats…the shepherd was this wiry old guy that looked like someone out of a novel.

I’ve been studying Sanskrit every day and am mostly just getting the near 50 letters down for now.  I’m about half way through the alphabet.  Talk about a night and day difference vs. English.  English seems like a cake walk compared to Sanskrit. 
I’m also loving The Supreme Yoga - Yoga Vasistha.  I’m reading and re-reading every day…so much meaning exists even in one page.

Well, I’m hoping to get in amazing shape by the time class starts on September 9th.  I’m doing Padma Sadhana two to three times / day and will hopefully start Sri Sri Yoga as soon as I get a yoga mat.  I’m doing my Padma Sadhana on the mattress on my floor.   

On the subject of food, to keep my Mom happy, I’ll write about it…it’s been ok…a lot of carbs!  On many mornings, I’ll have roti / chapatti & breakfast rice with pickle (chutney).  For lunch we get a nice vegetable dish, rice, chapatti, and daal (lentil soup).  I’ve been skipping dinner as it’s served at 8:30pm.  If I eat 3 meals / day, my stomach gets upset…Gurudev says that by age 40, one meal / day is enough.  I think eating 3 meals / day is just too taxing on the system, though I’m a little hungry right now, but I’d rather have no food in my room than ants!  I bought a ton of fruits yesterday while we were on the rickshaw ride and found a ton of new roommates!  I had to kill my new roommates, the ants, by the grace of Indian Windex…potent stuff.  I know, I know…didn’t feel great killing the ants, but it’s either their death, of my swollen body with ant bites! 

So that’s it so far…I’m loving my unstructured days, my near full sadhana each day, studying Sanskrit and yoga, exploring the 180 acre campus by foot, and playing ping pong with the MBA students.  I’m looking forward to spending more time with our local Swami Ji and doing more Guru Poojas’.  Gurudev will be here September 3rd for the inauguration speech!

Love & Jai Guru Dev,