I'm just back from San Francisco. I was able to spend 4 wonderful days with my beloved Gurudev, Sri Sri Ravi Shankar. I had a wonderful experience in my 24th / 25th silence course. I really enjoyed it and am looking forward to many more. The question that lingers in my mind is whether or not I should go back to India. I have to remind myself what Gurudev said one evening. He said to keep this one thing in your mind, "only the best will happen to me." With that, I surrender this desire to know what's next in my life. I will simply plan on living a simple, but productive life here in Austin, TX. I'm looking forward to having whatever impact I may have on the community at large.
I feel bad about what has happened in our country over the past few days. Two African-American men were shot while being pulled over by the police and five police officers were shot yesterday along with the shooter. These events make me think that I'm badly needed within the US. I have a deep love for India, but wonder if my presence is better suited to working in the US. I feel that while I'm in the US, I'm greatly distracted by my passion for making money and brokering real estate and my desire for romantic pleasures. I wonder if I'm simply guided here by the Yakshas vs. the Devas in India. I wonder why my mind can be so different in two different countries.
I am looking forward to returning back to my more dispassionate ways as a yogi, but wonder if this is right. Am I being authentic to who I am? Do I even know who I am? Does suppressing desires and living a life that I think is righteous more important than searching for happiness? Am I searching for Happiness outside vs. inside? My beloved says that Happiness is found from within and we are love. In fact, he says, "love is not an emotion, it's your very existence." We are here to give love, not possess or demand love. When we demand love, we destroy love. I feel very strongly that we are here for something greater than chasing our own pleasure.
This leaves me with the question, am I stuck? Am I stuck with something small vs. pursuing my life purpose, my dharma.
Is the recent incidents in our country indicative of a need of the hour for something far greater than our own personal selfish desires? Do we need to surrender our own desires for the greater good of society? Why am I not in front of the police forces and helping them boost morale? Why am I not doing intro talks throughout our community and helping bring peace and tranquility to our community and society?
I hope the answer will come to me. I hope my life purpose shines through soon. I know that I'm here for something far greater than brokering and remodeling the next duplex.
Searching for meaning and inspiration...
Lots of love & Jai Guru Dev,
An Aspiring Yogi
