Getting Busy
I feel as though my mind is filling up or busier. I have been filling my day with so many activities and resolving existing responsibilities. Today, for example, I had to take care of:
1) paying off my credit cards from December 2019
2) checking to see if my final car payoff cleared the bank
3) working with the seller's realtor and my client on terminating a contract on a client's home purchase
4) working with a collision center on fixing one of my hybrid rental vehicles
5) meeting with my yoga studio manager on how my yoga classes are going
6) fixing my toe injury via my PCP and PT, podiatrist, etc. The HMO is giving me the run around
7) taking the time to workout
8) taking the time to do a group relational meditation
9) checking in on friends and family
10) following up on a dear friend's father in the hospital
The list goes on...the point is, I feel like my life is getting busier even though my life does not feel fuller. Does that make sense? Even though I'm teaching yoga full-time, I still don't feel like it's enough...like there is something missing. Everytime I sit for sadhana, it's a painful endeavor. I don't feel like it's time to turn inwards. The longer I'm in this state of mind, the more I realize it may be time to move on with life...do you ever feel stagnant just being? For as busy as I am, I begin to feel like it may be time for me to start the next chapter in my life...whatever that is.
I wonder if a full-time job, a home, a dog, &/ a romantic partner may make me happy. I feel that this is selfish and that I need to be of service to others, but I feel like I'm unable to find a community / purpose to serve. I feel far on the outside of The Art of Living. Everytime I attempt to come close, I end up in mental / physical pain. So I'm left with the question of what to do to better serve mankind, to help others, to become a selfless servant to others, to do his work.
I feel that my mind oscillates between dharma and worldly life. I look forward to the time when I can re-engage my spiritual path 100% and feel like I'm back to my single pointed focus on the divine. For now, I feel like I'm simply trying to swim and not drown.
Left wondering...
An Aspiring Yogi.
