So it's December 17th, 2015. For some odd reason, even though I'm doing almost all of my sadhana, I'm feeling down. I honestly don't know why. I haven't been able to do asanas for over a month now, so I think that's a contributing factor. Also, my diet's really bad, so I think that contributes as well. I haven't had fresh fruit or vegetables in a while. I miss eating well. I keep eating carbohydrate intensive breakfast with no fruit and lunch and dinner are not much better. I am thinking about switching to a fruit breakfast and a heavy lunch, but the lunch and dinner do not taste very good. I am at a loss. I think I'm feeling down because I did not get involved at all in the Koreans' visit to Sri Sri University. I feel like I am so busy with working on my dissertation and preparing to leave for home, that I haven't been able to help out much. I also feel that as I don't speak Hindi, I'm feeling disconnected with classmates. Overall, I just feel disconnected. Even though I have friends here, I don't feel close to anyone. It's strange. I feel like I had some good friends back home and family close by...I don't feel like I have either here. I have fun and happy classmates, and I really enjoy their company with them, but I don't actually hang out with any of them on an ongoing basis. I think I'm simply too busy in my own world of sadhana, seva, and studies. I didn't even manage to make it to Satsang today. I think I'm just missing the life I had surrounded by friends and a loving family. I also enjoyed my work and now realize that my business relationships were really my personal relationships. My clients were my friends. I feel like something is deeply missing here. I don't know what it is, but I can feel the tamas. I feel low. There is something missing. I keep doing my sadhana every day and I'm also doing seva whenever I can, but for some reason, I'm not in sattva. I don't know why. I think having a herniated disc in my neck doesn't help...as Gurudev says, pain is there, but suffering is optional...I wonder why I'm suffering. I honestly don't know. I'm tired, I know that...I think some extra sleep will really help. Here's knowing that things will get better...I know that the path is everything for me...there is only my beloved in this life. Everything else in the material world has been had in my mind...with Love & compassion...may I be centered and be of service to my classmates and community tomorrow. Jai Guru Dev
