9/18/16
I'm listening to Sade, and I'm reminded of the many romantic comedies & romantic novels I used to love reading growing up. I used to wonder why I loved Danielle Steel & Nora Roberts growing up. Even I thought it was odd, but the love that was described & felt was so beautiful was so emotionally fulfilling. I remember also exploring Eric Jerome Dickey from LA. These beautiful novels & books made me think that love was truly everything. As Gurudev says, all of these types of love, all combined, lead to divine love. Why is romantic love so special? I think it's because we get to, in one sense, have the love of our beloved, all to ourselves. I get to experience divine love directly from another human being.
I long, as Radha likely longed for Krishna, to honor & indulge in my lover, my love. I long to experience that sense of depth in emotion, in longing, in experiencing not only the sensuality, but also the spirituality. I long to worship, in a sense, the subtle & gross beauty that a beautiful woman's presence has...that feeling of gratitude, of honoring, of feeling like you have the universe in your arms, that complete sense of fulfillment within your arms & by your side. There's something to the experience of romantic love that may very well be a subset of divine love...I don't know, but I do have this faith that the highest self-realization encompasses everything. I still feel that romantic love helps to ground us in this worldly life until we've reached the goal.
I do love that feeling of connectedness emotionally and socially. There's a sense of peacefulness & calm associated with having a beautiful woman by your side. There's a sense of grounding and contentment that comes knowing that there's a woman there..."like a lovers rock" as I listen to this song. Is it a shared struggle? A shared longing for completion, for Kevalya. Can another complete our incompleteness? I do feel that we look for qualities in others where we may be lacking. I am not sure.
I know she's out there. There is someone who will help anchor me in this "storms of emotions."
I would love to write about AS, but I'm not sure yet. She's very attractive and I've felt that she & I connect very well...I hope to have that romantic connection with her soon. I hope to find that groundedness & anchoring with her...that feeling of connectedness when in silence, I'm simply holding her hand and we're together, that moment when we're in a crowd & I look over & nod. That moment when I can stare into her eyes & there is no discomfort between two souls. That moment when silence can simply be...when two souls are in a state of being.
