I have finally reached this place where I feel smaller in prayer, Japa, yoga, and any other form of sadhana. I wish for my spiritual journey to completely end. I feel as though this journey will lead to suicide. I hope that this time will end and I will pursue this in my next life. I am truly done. I would love to find a full-time career and find a romantic partner or wife. I have felt deeply tortured and miserable thinking about God and realized I am not spiritually right at this time. I gave my 100% and would prefer to remain alive vs. committing suicide chasing after enlightenment. Suicide is worse than chasing after God. Better to remain alive and live a worldly life and serve others vs. end this life. I hope I will be left alone to live a normal life. I beg of God to please stop torturing me. I am miserable because of the torture. I do bounce back, but I don’t want to keep going this low after these torture sessions. I beg of God & guru, please let me lead a normal worldly life. I promise to walk away from my spirit ambition & path. Please help me be free of this. Let me be worldly.
