I felt a sense of separation from this group that I met today. I felt separate as though the group that I was meeting was somehow different from me. They all seemed so nice and free, they seemed to enjoying “time pass” as I have learned in the East. I feel as I spend more time alone, I am unable to relate to groups of two or more people. I feel as though I’m becoming more and more introverted during this time as many others are too. During this time of isolation in the pandemic, how are people feeling more connected? How can we engage one another more and simply be comfortable with a group of people, like sangha chatvam (sp?). How do we move as one? Gurudev Sri Sri Ravi Shankar says that as our responsibilities increase, our sense of belongingness increases. I’ll bet that as I do more seva there, I will feel more connected to the community at the co-op. Gurudev says that as belongingness increases, responsibility increases. Reminds me of a story of a senior Landmark Forum teacher that once did humanitarian banking work in Africa. She shared about her and her husband working diligently in Kenya / some other part of Africa to improve the economy and banking system there. I felt as though she had really connected with the African community. Her sense of belongingness must have been quite deep and large. I think our belongingness can break barriers, stereotypes, and prejudices. The people we feel separate from, we have to serve.
On Desire.
I found an intriguing invitation on Shaadi today. I declined the invite, but remember the name and decided to look her up on Facebook. I thought she lived in another city and did not really take her invitation seriously. Little did I know, she was gorgeous. I felt a deep sense of attraction and really enjoyed looking at her online pictures. As I projected far away from the present moment, planning our marriage / engagement, I felt a very deep sense of resistance. I felt a deep sense of insincerity. I felt that I was betraying my own path of spirituality. I do believe that Rishis and marriage are sacred and spiritual, but for some reason, not for me. Regardless, I felt a pang of discomfort in my mind. The thought of getting into a marriage did not feel right. Maybe when the right person comes along, there will be absolutely no doubt, but hard to imagine at this age. I’m 45 now.
The thought that comes to mind now is how do we move away from this sense of “I” “me” and “my.” I have lately felt stuck with material objects, money, wealth, romantic love, really all deeply worldly thoughts. When I was at Sivananda Ashram, a beautiful thought they wrote about on their website was the idea of working for the greater good vs. yourself. How do we shift from thinking about the work we can do to improve our own lives vs. the greater good. I believe teaching and ashram life can provide great opportunities to serve others. How can we foster this in every day life? In the world, how do we move to improve the greater good. I believe this requires service to others, to a group of people. How can we really move the needle for others, a group, more than this small mind.
Striving to move from working for “I” “me” “my” to serving the greater good.
In Divinity, in Discipline, in Disciple.
An Aspiring Yogi.
