Ishavasya Upanishads Trip to Bangalore

I remember leaving campus and feeling both elated and a little guilty that I was able to take this trip that not many of my classmates could readily do.  I realise now that what I should feel is grateful for this opportunity to be close to my master, my guru, my beloved.

At 12:30pm, I collected letters from classmates for Gurudev and hopped in the Rickshaw...off to Bhubaneshwar Airport.

I couldn't believe that within the day, I would be at Satsang with Gurudev. I feel so lucky to be able to simply hop in a plane and see my beloved within a few hours.

I arrived in Bangalore and picked up my nephew, Rohan...we did Yes+ together last year at the Bangalore Ashram.  I was happy to see him and glad that he was going to join me for Satsang and dinner...little did I know how bad Bangalore traffic is!  I landed at 5:30pm & we finally reached Satsang at 8:10pm.  I skipped registration, skipped any food, & even told Rohan to hold it (he had to pee) until we met Gurudev.  And then it happened.  I locked eyes with Gurudev and knew I had come home.  Seeing Gurudev felt like I was lost somewhere, 7 years old, & had just found my Mom.  I could feel my heartbeat and the love from my beloved.  I couldn't stop smiling.  I was so happy to be home sweet home.

After about 15 minutes, Satsang ended and I told Rohan to get up quickly...we had to race to say bye to Gurudev.  We raced to the side and before Gurudev got in the golf cart, he looked over at us, waved and smiled.  I felt so grateful that my beloved recognised me and was showering me with love and attention.

I finally told my poor nephew he could go pee and we would celebrate his birthday with a special dinner at Vishala Cafe!  We ate like kings and he seemed very happy.  We then headed off to get my registration and room together.  Rohan helped carry my backpack to my sweet room in Yagnashala B, one of the nicest residential buildings at the Ashram.  When we arrived, I thought I had checked into Heaven...the room was so beautiful...and little did I know, I got my own room!  I said my goodbyes to Rohan and told him we would meet up on my last day.

The next day I walked into Vishalakshi Mantap to find out Swamiji Brahmatej was going to lead our silence course.  I couldn't believe it.  I had a desire to have Swamiji Brahmatej take a silence course in Vishalakshi Mantap since Navratri...and wallah, here he was!  I feel so grateful for having done close to 10 silence courses within the past year...most with Gurudev.  I enjoyed the silence course and loved spending so much time with Gurudev during the Ishavasya Upanishad discourses over three days.  

From a space of deep silence, on the second-to-last day of the course, I had realized that I do experience all three Gunas varying quite often.  I realized that I sincerely wanted to shift to being Sattvic nearly all the time.  I wondered how could I be unconditionally happy regardless of people &/ situations.  Even though I feel very happy quite often and feel unconditionally loving, I still find myself experiencing Tamas and resistance to our basic course points.  I wondered why I can't accept situations at times; & why I struggle with accepting people at other times.  How do I become more present, even in my sadhana.  Why do I have so many wants?  Why do reptilian (meaning ancient - basic instinctual, a trait we have in common with animals) procreative desires come up?  I wonder why do I let my energy go up and come down at times vs. maintaining my state of equanimity.  All of these questions lingered in mind and brought me down from flying high in Sattva after so many hollow & empty meditations.  

Towards the last day of our course, that same day after my sattva came down a little, I ended up in the wrong Darshan (means blessings) room...I was in the 7 day Advanced Meditation Course (AMC) darshan room.  I wasn't sure what to do as I had already moved from the ground floor of the VM building to our first floor hall...by my mistake.  So I sat quietly and waited for Gurudev's arrival.  I had two letters to give him from classmates.

As Gurudev walked around, he finally came to me, but looked in the other direction and just held out his hand.  I gave him the letters but was crushed & kind of heart-broken.  I wanted a smile and loving nod from Gurudev, but got nothing except for him taking my letters.  

I was upset to say the least, but he smiled lovingly at me before he left the room.  I could still feel a cringe in my heart and told myself to man up...to be a man!  So I stayed and did some seva before leaving for my room.  After a shower, I still felt bad and emotional.  I finally let all of my emotions go and surrendered everything to the divine...I cried like a baby and felt so much relief after some time.  I wondered what I was doing here, why I felt so tamsic, and wondered if this is the right path for me.  I knew I loved Gurudev very much, but was simply not sure if this was the right path.  I finally went to bed and told myself I would put forth an effort, come back for Shivratri, & then decide if I would stay in India.  I only came here for my Guru.  

The next morning, I woke up with a smile...I knew I had received my beloved's blessings.  I resolved to stay the course and at least lock eyes with Gurudev before I left.  

The official last day of our course we were supposed to meet Gurudev at 2:30pm.  We were finally all set to meet him at 4:30pm.  There was a large group together in our new meditation hall and I had since written a love letter, a devotional letter to Gurudev.  I told myself I would not stand up as Gurudev wants us seated.  I was still a little heart-broken from my last Darshan yesterday.  So many people were in the meditation hall that I didn't think I would get a chance to speak with him.  I had simply hoped to give him the letter I wrote so he would know that I loved him dearly.  We were the last row to meet and get Darshan from Gurudev, so I figured he would speedily walk by, but then it happened...Gurudev stopped, I handed him the letter, he smiled at me as I smiled back.  He then said, "How are you?  Are you happy?"  I said, "yes Gurudev, I am very happy."  He then said, "How are things in Odisha?"  I said, "wonderful Gurudev."  He looked at me lovingly and I handed him my letter.  He looked at the letter then looked at me and I said, "it's a devotional letter."  I then said, "Gurudev, I'll be back for Shivratri."  He said "Good good" and went on. As Gurudev walked further on, I grabbed Sandeep (my Vedic Wisdom buddy from Seattle) sitting next to me and we hugged like long lost brothers.  I was so happy I couldn't contain myself.

We had a great Satsang this evening.  During Satsang I realized that we should be compassionate to ourselves, let the Samskaras (impressions) flow, and not get caught up in guilt.  As Raja and Bhakti Yogis, why not simply let past impressions / thoughts flow through this river of consciousness.  I am left wondering about what Gurudev told us a little over a year ago...he said, "you are the quality of your consciousness."

So now I am resting in my heavenly abode, Yagnashala B, getting ready to head back to school and play some serious catch-up.  

Looking forward to coming back home to be with my beloved on February 12th.

Love & Jai Guru Dev,

An Aspiring Yogi

My First Semester at Sri Sri University

So I just finished my first semester at Sri Sri University.  What a trip!  This is my first time ever being in India for over three months.  I must say, I went on several trips in my head...I spent days and nights stressed about wanting to change so many things at SSU.  I struggled with the lack of structure, the major difference in lecture styles, the fluid and ambiguous class schedules, the cafeteria food, the heat, the cleanliness, the transportation, the you name it, I struggled with it!  There were several lectures where I didn't even understand the lectures because the professor preferred speaking in Hindi vs. English...could you imagine studying human anatomy and physiology in Hindi!  Gratefully, now I have found a very comfortable setup (after moving seven times in my 1st semester) and am very happy at Sri Sri University...in my second semester now.  Back to the first fall semester...all in all, I would say I learned a lot and also feel like I have grown spiritually.  I feel much happier now and sincerely enjoy being in class.  I am no longer disturbed by the lack of structure and the lack of communication skills.  I am no longer bothered by the lack of books availability or my lack of knowledge on how to order.  I feel at peace with the ambiguity...everything is changing.  Part of living here is living the knowledge...are we present to each moment?  Can we accept people and situations as they are?  Are opposite values complimentary?  Whether success of failure, do we remain equanimous?  I would feel down after performing poorly on say a Sankskrit exam, but then realized that I can choose to maintain my equanimity in mind...my own peace of mind whether success or failure.  I also realized that not everyone will like me.  I realize here too that everything is changing and there is no need to be the football of other peoples' opinions.  I learned that the more I was involved in seva, the better I could pay attention in class and the more I was centered, grounded, and focused on helping others vs. selfishly thinking about myself or gossiping about others...either verbally or in my head.

I also found that prioritizing what I sincerely wanted to take on would bare the most fruit.  I decided to focus on studying and teaching and ended up successfully teaching one Happiness Program and one or two Sri Sri Yoga courses.  I am grateful for being able to do both.

Aside from the challenges associated with living in India and adjusting to a very different academic system, I do feel like I learned a great deal of information related to yoga.  I am grateful for the exposure to anatomy, physiology, and Sanskrit...these were somewhat new subjects all together for me.

I also am grateful for the opportunity to help shape my home, Sri Sri University.  I was able to get involved with some fun seva projects and help create our gym, and keep our campus looking beautiful.

Having Gurudev, Girin Bhaiya, Kamlesh Ji, and Kashi Bhaiya all at Sri Sri University related to the Sri Sri Yoga program was amazing.  I am also so grateful for having Bawa and Dinesh Ji here at SSU.  Just being around all of them brightened my days.  I sincerely feel happier having spent quality time with all of them.  I am truly grateful that Gurudev has prioritized the success of our university and has these true leaders within the Art of Living here at Sri Sri University.

Well, I can't forget my parents visiting me.  I was so happy that they came to visit me at Sri Sri University.  I feel blessed that my parents came half way around the world to see me in India.  I enjoyed their time here and especially enjoyed seeing the temples and visiting Puri. My favorite part about this area in general are the rivers and the ocean.  I love the water.

Well, with all this said, I am excited to think about having 1,000 students on campus next year.  We are going to have a great yoga program in 2015 and I hope I can help in some way shape the future of our school and graduates.

With lots of love.

Jai Guru Dev,

An Aspiring Yogi

2015: Happy New Year's!

So this is the first year I've ever come out of silence on the 1st day of the new year.  I'm excited to have just come out and share my thoughts from a few days of silence and meditations.  For one reason or another, I felt like the silence was too short.  I crave doing a 10 day silence course.  I've done one or two, and I love it.  I'm excited about the next opportunity to do one when school / time / life permits.

I feel like doing silence with college students had a different feel.  The atmosphere was lighter and more fun vs. deeper and more serious.  The group sattva / tattva seemed light and pleasant.  I had a good number of negative thoughts and opinions come up and I even went on a major trip of negativity.  I believe I may have hurt some people with my negative thoughts and I deeply am sorry for hurting anyone.  I am glad to have dealt with going low in tamas within the silence course.  With a guide like Dinesh Ji, I knew I would come out on top!  I am glad I did the course and am looking forward to more courses in January and February for the Upanishads and Shivatri with Gurudev.

What insights can I share from the course.  I have five advices that I made for myself that I'd love to share here.  In fact, here's my letter from deep silence I wrote to myself:
"Dear Ritesh Ji,
I want to write to you and give you five unsolicited advices.  You have a good heart and are going in the right direction.  Here are some thoughts for you.
1)  Do not feel guilty.  Things happen.  The small mind will come up with past samskaras.  Let them come.  And then let them go.  See them flowing down the river of consciousness.
2)  Be a witness.  Be a witness to the small mind.  The numerous thoughts that come and go, and just watch...just be!
3)  Be present to every moment.  Your whole life is planned out...no need to plan any more...it's all with Gurudev.
4)  Be equanimous...no matter what, do not lose your center...your cool.
5)  Be love...love everyone.  Even those with bad thoughts / negative feelings towards you.  Love them the most."

I feel like 2015 will be a great year of personal transformation.  I'll complete my first year of the MA program in Yoga, my summer internship, and finish 1/2 of my 2nd year of the MA program.  I'll have hopefully taught twelve Art of Living Happiness & / Sri Sri Yoga courses in 2015.  I'll get a chance to visit my friends and family in the US for a few weeks and come back home to Mother India.  I want to also be more selfless in 2015...serve the community, serve the students, and serve my beloved Gurudev.

So 2014 in review...what a year...I feel like I had an amazing year of transformation.  I had so many good things happen to me spiritually and in the material world.  I will speak only to the material world though.  I closed two large deals in 2014 that I really wanted to get done with AI and AP.  I also got the chance to teach about 6 AOL courses and also got my official Art of Living India teacher's code.  I also received the India AOL Teacher's manual.  I remodeled my cottage house by Mozart's Coffee Shop in Austin and built my dream sunroom with sky lights and Italian Porcelain tile.  I put in my dream granite slab counters, Whirlpool Gold Stainless Steel Appliances, etc. etc.  My cottage house was sweet, but I'm done.  I leased out the house in June and moved to India in July.  I spent a month with my beloved, Gurudev, traveling from the Bay Area, to Boone, NC, and then finally to Canada.  I feel blessed to have spent that month with him.  I hope to spend quality time with Gurudev again after I graduate either in India or in North America.  I also had my parents come visit me in India in November.  I was happy that they had the chance to see how well settled I am in India.  Well, that pretty much sums up 2014.  I stumbled a couple of times into women, but have renewed my vows as a Brahmacharya and Yogi.  I hope these wonderful women that I've met along the way of life find the love they are looking for.  I sincerely hope that if they seek marriage and children, they get what they are looking for.  Ultimately, I hope that more people will come to find the ultimate joy in divine love and the pursuit of truth.

In 2014, I finally feel like I left the nest of my parents being 3 hours away and my sister being 15 minutes away...they were great sources of comfort in my life.  I feel like my nuclear family connection is not what it was.  I'm not sad about it, and I do not have any feverishness about the distance, but I do feel like they were a beautiful part of my life for so many years.  I loved taking my niece and nephew out and seeing them so happy...they were my anti-depressant for a long time...just being with them lifted me up so much...I loved them dearly when they were young.  I still cherish the time we had together from when RNR and NER were born until I left in 2014.  I feel like I'll re-enter their life at some point when they need me.  I hope their life is smooth, but may their life be filled with LIFE and intensity, for this is how life is lived fully!  I hope to see them blossom to full potential.  I am also so grateful for my family taking courses in the Art of Living.  My niece and nephew took the Art Excel course, and my sister and Dad did the Happiness Program.  I hope in 2015, my sister and Dad will do Sahaj Samadhi meditation.

I sometimes wonder how I left behind my dream home, my 7 seater hybrid luxury SUV, a job I loved...my own independent and successful professional lifestyle, my friends and family, and what I thought was an amazing city; but I realize that being closer to Gurudev means more than anything in the material world.  I would do anything to be close to him, closer to my master, closer to my beloved Gurudev.

Love and Jai Guru Dev,

An Aspiring Yogi