Groundhog Day

 Blog Entry 09/26/20

Groundhog Day

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to abide in infinity?  Imagine if this day were to repeat exactly the same way ever single day?  Externally, not much changes, but internally, how we deal with infinity can and must change dramatically.  Bill Murray, the main character, experiences this and even sees what is going to happen before it happens.  He becomes so accustomed to the outside environment, that he naturally turns inwards and even says that he’s abiding in infinity.  How do stop pursuing constant change externally so we can pursue pratayahara, or turning inwards?

How do we find contentment in this moment right now, completely abiding in right now.  Bill Murray goes on to pursue pleasure, wealth, & even love, before ultimately finding his dharma in selflessly serving others and witnessing the world come to him.  

Sri Sri says that when we stop chasing after our small minded worldly desires, the world starts chasing after us.  How do we become so selfless that we completely drop the “I, me, & my” & truly makes others a complete priority.  How do we make the concept a reality?

At the end of the movie, Bill Murray, spends his  entire day helping others and even coming to peace at the death of an elderly gentlemen.  He beautifully learns and shares his talent on the piano and takes on so much responsibility to constantly help others in his community.  His sense of belongingness expands well beyond his own life, his own desires, his own small mind.  Ultimately he finds his way out of the repetition of his day, like finding Mauna out of the repetition of Japa.  He finds dharma, his life purpose, or “the art of living.”

At a Crossroads

 I'm wondering what to do next.  I have to leave where I am and I am unsure of what to do next.

I have a few options:

1) Move to Austin

If I moved to Austin, I would end up renting a 1/1 or remodeling Balaji and Radhika's place.  I would continue to teach yoga online and simply workout every day.  I would go for a 5 to 10 mile walk / day and workout in my apartment.  I would end up buying a bed and a couch.  I may get this from my sister's house.  I would likely simply teach yoga a few times / more / week.  I may get into real estate and broker a few deals here and there until I feel comfortable going back into yoga studios.  I still feel restricted about dating and not sure I would, but would like to meet Rebecca and Daljinder in Austin among other friends.  Would be nice to meet Paresh and Melody too.  I could help Doug as well and meet Rachel.  I am honestly, still uncomfortable meeting people face to face, so would likely spend a LOT of time alone.  I may get back into Turo and maybe manage a few of the Lexus hybrids.  This would last for another 9 months.

2) Head to India

My second option is to move to Rishikesh and live with Shivani at Aloha on the Ganges.  If she ends up dating that psychiatrist, then I would likely find a 1/1 or 2/2 in the same building.  I would eventually shift to the AOL / Parmarth Niketan Ashram and do full-time seva there.  I would likely feel isolated there too as the pandemic is still growing in India.  I would feel uncomfortable with the journey and may easily risk getting sick through air travel, airports, taxi service, and eventually reaching India.  I would likely feel very lonely and isolated there as I would only know some ashramites and Shivani.

3)  Seva Study Program in CA.

The third option is to head to the Yoga Farm in Northen California.  I would quarantine for 14 days and then get more involved in day-to-day full-time seva duties.  I would likely build relationships with the other ashramites and work hard.  I would love to be there and help and would feel a deeper sense of purpose vs. living in Austin.  I would build relationships and feel like I'm living my purpose, or dharma.  I would stay busy and also get to know and live in California.  I would likely work and do seva and do some sadhana as well.  I would get permission to do Sudarshan Kriya on a daily basis and meditate with the group when possible.  I would feel like I have people around me and feel comforted by the sangha.  My only fear is that this option may lead to severe pain in the body.  I would have the comfort of sangha, which may help me through any difficulties there.  I would likely benefit from being with others a lot.  I would not feel isolated or alone.  I feel that this is likely my best option.  If the opportunity presents itself, I could shift to the Boone Ashram / Bangalore Ashram / Virginia Ashram in the spring.  I would also have more ashram experience and time under my belt improving my chances of getting full-time seva somewhere else.  

The Door of Maya

 

I had just finished a few rounds of Om Nama Shivaya Japa and I looked out the window.  I saw the hallway light's outline of the bedroom door in the reflection of the window.  What does this door, that appears in the mind's eyes to exist, but does not.  Isn't that like most of life?  We are chasing after goals and dreams and worried about what does not exist, and rarely are we present to this moment realizing that the future does not exist right now.  We are looking out the window into the future, concerned about some event that does not exist...so far away from the reality of this moment.  Our minds are dreaming of some time after now or after I do this or after this happens constantly robbing ourselves of right now.  We rarely seem to abide in now.  Why is that?  Why can we not abide in the present moment?  What's so glorious about the past / future?  I catch myself in this maya, this nonexistent moment.  I am often looking out the glass window at some door that does not exist; some moment that does not exist right now, instead of abiding in God's room, quite literally.  We have a room with a Mandir (Indian temple) and I like to do my sadhana in it.  How can we be in complete contentment in this moment?  We seem to be ever chasing after this imaginary door, as if some future moment will be better than right now.  If we do this, than I'll be happy.  If I work on something, than I will be happy.  If this, then that.  We will spend our whole lives chasing after some moment that does not exist...it's nuts!  And then...we die and most people are so scared to die.  I wonder why do we spend our whole lives wondering about some door that does not exist in certain fear of a moment that does not exist for now?!?  How funny is that?  We are everywhere but here right now.  As beautiful as that door is, and as beautiful as the wonder of opening that door, can we simply be contented abiding in God's room?  He's with us all the time.  He's right here, right now, but we keep mumbling to ourselves and keep running on some nonexistent hamster wheel...that literally goes nowhere, but we seem to keep striving, never really simply abiding in the nonchanging truth.  I believe this nonchanging truth begins with deep silence.  I imagine many people spend their whole life hoping to open the door, never realizing that the door does not exist outside in front of their eyes, but deep within their own essence, within themselves, completely devoid of all worldly pursuits.  Buddha was said to have been enticed in every way before he became enlightened.  He almost died and in that near death he must have experienced silence.  He found his way of defending himself from life's cravings and aversions.  He found his truth, his essence.  He stopped looking at the door that doesn't exist and turned inwards.

A New Car / Partner?

I feel an overwhelming sense of desire / hankering for some material good.  I keep looking at cars...I am unsure why I keep looking at something that I have replaced over and over again with insatiable desire.  These cars are like women.  You keep pursuing someone, you date them, get into a relationship with them, and then at some point, for whatever reason, the relationship ends, whether as boyfriend / girlfriend or man and wife.  The divorce rate is 50% in the US with 75% of children raised by single parent households.  Cars for Americans have become like their love life...we seem to change them a little too often.  Why?  What craving / desire / lust do we have that seems insatiable?  What is wrong with the beautiful, caring, reliable, attractive, loyal, and authentic vehicle that I drive now?  What’s funny is that you could say this for a partner.  What craving / desire keeps on arising?  Is there someone more attractive, someone that I’ll get along better with?  Is there someone that I’ll fight less with?  Is there someone with lower miles, more reliable, less major breakdowns, less maintenance?  As the saying goes, is she low maintenance / high maintenance?  Will I look better dating someone else?  Will I look / feel better driving another vehicle?  Why can’t we simply “row this boat we’ve chosen?”  Why do I look at women / cars?  I’ve accumulated so many impressions driving different vehicles and dating different women...which is it?  They both represent some ongoing desire that never ends...how do we become content?  Is the answer no partner, no vehicle?  Or is the answer in simply becoming full contented with what you have, who you are with?  How do we move from, this sense of craving, to contentment / santosha?  Why did I break up with my last girlfriend that I was with?  She was gorgeous, well educated, came from a good family, we got along great.  She thought our debates were fights...I had no idea we even fought.  I loved her so much, but for reason, I could not commit.  In the same sense, why is that we keep changing vehicles, homes, jobs, gurus, furniture, partners, etc.?  As Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, my Guru, said, “the mind wants something new, and the heart wants something old.”  How do we move from head to heart.  My Guru also says to work from the head and serve from the heart.  If we are to make our life as service to others, how do we abide in our hearts.  How do we become love.  How do we love people?  How do we serve them?  My favorite quote from Sri Sri, is “Give and give and give love.”  Seems easier said than done...I think he says it three times because we need to listen to it over and over and over again...