So I have slept with KG now many times. Tonight was the first time that I realized that I'm done. I have continued to do the same thing over and over again with women. I get saturated from the sense stimulation and then retreat back into the self. KG is so kind and so nice, that I feel bad letting her down, but I need to be honest with her. This decision is more about my simple saturation of pleasure and the realization that too much stimulation is misery. I have enjoyed her company and feel that she has an amazing journey ahead. She's spiritually curious and will grow in consciousness.
I'll have her read this one day, but am not sure to share this yet. Ok, enough about her.
This vicious cycle of desire and saturation I believe occurs as a result of the man losing his life energy, his prana in ejaculation with a woman / by himself. I have realized that no matter how many times a day you have sex / with however many women, the desire / craving is never fully satisfied indefinitely...this desire for sex IS a craving. The desire for sex is an ancient impression. How do we truly let go of this desire as a happening? I'm going to see how long I can let go of this desire and let KG know I need a little "spiritual solitude" for some time. I hope she understands. My true desire is to be free of the craving all together. To me, being free, is truly being free of ALL cravings and aversions. Gurudev has said that when we let go of our cravings, our aversions will also drop off.
I think the Sandhya Vandana Pooja is an instrument to help us open up to the field of consciousness and also alleviate the craving for sex that we innately have. I will make a concerted effort to do my daily Sandhya each day three times / day.
I am going to stop reading the Taoist book on sexual technique and go back to reading about the 4% Universe. I'm also going to stop shaving. I am ready to turn back inwards and continue this journey towards self-realization.
In Loving Kindness.
Jai Guru Dev,
An Aspiring Yogi
I'll have her read this one day, but am not sure to share this yet. Ok, enough about her.
This vicious cycle of desire and saturation I believe occurs as a result of the man losing his life energy, his prana in ejaculation with a woman / by himself. I have realized that no matter how many times a day you have sex / with however many women, the desire / craving is never fully satisfied indefinitely...this desire for sex IS a craving. The desire for sex is an ancient impression. How do we truly let go of this desire as a happening? I'm going to see how long I can let go of this desire and let KG know I need a little "spiritual solitude" for some time. I hope she understands. My true desire is to be free of the craving all together. To me, being free, is truly being free of ALL cravings and aversions. Gurudev has said that when we let go of our cravings, our aversions will also drop off.
I think the Sandhya Vandana Pooja is an instrument to help us open up to the field of consciousness and also alleviate the craving for sex that we innately have. I will make a concerted effort to do my daily Sandhya each day three times / day.
I am going to stop reading the Taoist book on sexual technique and go back to reading about the 4% Universe. I'm also going to stop shaving. I am ready to turn back inwards and continue this journey towards self-realization.
In Loving Kindness.
Jai Guru Dev,
An Aspiring Yogi
