The Door of Maya

 

I had just finished a few rounds of Om Nama Shivaya Japa and I looked out the window.  I saw the hallway light's outline of the bedroom door in the reflection of the window.  What does this door, that appears in the mind's eyes to exist, but does not.  Isn't that like most of life?  We are chasing after goals and dreams and worried about what does not exist, and rarely are we present to this moment realizing that the future does not exist right now.  We are looking out the window into the future, concerned about some event that does not exist...so far away from the reality of this moment.  Our minds are dreaming of some time after now or after I do this or after this happens constantly robbing ourselves of right now.  We rarely seem to abide in now.  Why is that?  Why can we not abide in the present moment?  What's so glorious about the past / future?  I catch myself in this maya, this nonexistent moment.  I am often looking out the glass window at some door that does not exist; some moment that does not exist right now, instead of abiding in God's room, quite literally.  We have a room with a Mandir (Indian temple) and I like to do my sadhana in it.  How can we be in complete contentment in this moment?  We seem to be ever chasing after this imaginary door, as if some future moment will be better than right now.  If we do this, than I'll be happy.  If I work on something, than I will be happy.  If this, then that.  We will spend our whole lives chasing after some moment that does not exist...it's nuts!  And then...we die and most people are so scared to die.  I wonder why do we spend our whole lives wondering about some door that does not exist in certain fear of a moment that does not exist for now?!?  How funny is that?  We are everywhere but here right now.  As beautiful as that door is, and as beautiful as the wonder of opening that door, can we simply be contented abiding in God's room?  He's with us all the time.  He's right here, right now, but we keep mumbling to ourselves and keep running on some nonexistent hamster wheel...that literally goes nowhere, but we seem to keep striving, never really simply abiding in the nonchanging truth.  I believe this nonchanging truth begins with deep silence.  I imagine many people spend their whole life hoping to open the door, never realizing that the door does not exist outside in front of their eyes, but deep within their own essence, within themselves, completely devoid of all worldly pursuits.  Buddha was said to have been enticed in every way before he became enlightened.  He almost died and in that near death he must have experienced silence.  He found his way of defending himself from life's cravings and aversions.  He found his truth, his essence.  He stopped looking at the door that doesn't exist and turned inwards.