A time for inner exploration...

So it's been over six months since I wrote my pre-valentine's blog. I have had an eventful time this year with meeting a wonderful woman and trying to start a relationship. Unfortunately, with my travels in Malaysia, India, China, and Russia this year, starting / making a relationship work when you're not there is a bit tricky. So here I am, it's September now with a little less than a third of the year to go and really looking for the one. I recently hired a dating coach which will be interesting to say the least! I also hired a personal assistant to free up some time. So here I am, 35, and looking forward to meeting a wonderful woman that I can truly feel lucky to be with, trust, respect, and feel emotionally connected to.

I've been reading a lot on spirituality and feel that our souls are truly all connected. The sense of omnipresence / a force that connects us feels / becomes stronger when I meditate. I've been practicing an 80 minute meditation a few times each week for about six months now and feel that I'm beginning to develop a strong sense of intuition and calm.

I completed my dream board and vision board back in May 2010 which I seem to look at quite often. Having a visual of goals and dreams continually reinforces what I want out of life.

On the subject of happiness, I recently read an article in the Financial Times newspaper that talked about how family and friends were a stronger contributor to overall happiness vs. material wealth. This made me think that we need to strive to develop and grow our relationships within the community we live in. I read a quote once that said that happiness in a society / culture is when people strive for the collective good / benefit to the community / inclusion vs. exclusivity / prestige. How do we foster a culture of community and inclusion when so many of us are striving for material wealth / see the Range Rover / SL500 as the ultimate symbol of status and success? Having achieved material wealth, I would now argue that the ultimate symbol of success is a well balanced life, which would include a stable career, happy marriage, family / friends, spirituality, community service, and goals.

So what's next? I am now reading a host of books to help open my mind and create a free and clear path to positive thinking. I am reading Martin Luther King Jr's book, Strength to Love, the Gita, Power of the Subconscious Mind, among other fun business / fiction books. I am hoping to explore the Bible and Hubbard's books in more depth sometime soon.

Off to hot yoga. May we open our heart centers and find each other in friendship or love.

In Loving Kindness,

RMS

My Date to KS's Wedding brings another date...

wow...it's been quite a while. I've had an intense 6 months, but glad to be back onlne. Since my last posting, not much has happened, but interestingly, AM did want to get back together. She called the day I landed and said she wanted to talk...we ended up getting back together and then she said she could not commit. So there I was...I said, take it or leave it and she left a week later. Over the next few months, I ended up spending a lot more time with AI. AI and I really connected and I've known her for over 10 years, so it was easy. We went mountain biking and hung out...good times. I took her to a buddy of mine's wedding and I thought we had really connected, but little did I know...she started dating someone. I asked her to join me at MS's brother's wedding reception, and she says that she'll join with the group of girls coming. Little did I know until this evening that she's bringing a date. So here we are. The night before KS's wedding and I'm dateless. Not the best, but whatever. I'm dissapointed, but this is how it goes, right? I didn't have the balls to man up and take her like a man takes a woman. And from what German buddy says, the text messsages had all the signs. So I'm now not sure what to think, but figure, you know what, it's life...might as well enjoy the ride...life's too short to worry about it. And so life continues. One woman after another...would be wonderful to find one solid woman I can love one of these days...GSW

Am I the Emotional Rebound?

So I just got back from Bangalore, India with some bad news before my departure. We'll call her AM for now. AM sends me an email and tells me that she's reconnected with her x-boyfriend and she's sorry to let me know over email. I felt dissapointed and just tired. I thought we had something really special and I think it's really hard to meet someone you really like. I've had some odd negative thoughts lately that I'm seeing a therapist for - sometimes I wonder if these thoughts have entered our shared implicit communications. After visiting a couple of ashrams in India I feel like I've been newly exposed to a path of opening my heart and finding the ability to share good feelings with others. I'm still learning, but feel that there's a great opportunity to share positive emotions and thoughts vs. negative feelings, thoughts, and materialism. This is all connected to the idea of creating more communitarian vs. exclusive outlets in society. How do we also share our heart centers with all those around us?

So I land on Sunday and get a call from AM. I didn't really feel like answering her call and I check the voice mail a little later. Turns out it didn't work out with her x-boyfriend and she wants to talk. I was surprised to say the least. This is after I've deleted her photos and voice mails. I guess you could say I did a little mental / emotional housekeeping. So now I'm torn. I mean, here's a woman I was crazy about, dated for a month, and was so happy to communicate with even when I was in India, but she didn't return my calls or emails and now she wants to talk? I just don't get it. I guess she did just break up with her boyfriend a month ago and recently got back with him as in Thursday / Friday, but I don't know why she would want to reconnect with me on such short notice? I think she needs some space and time to get over her boyfriend. As much I'd like to be with her, I don't believe she's really emotionally available. I've decided that I really do like her enough that I'll give it a shot if she wants to be in an committed relationship. If she says she's not ready and she doesn't know what she wants, then I'll just tell her that I don't think I'm it right now and maybe our paths will cross again. I don't think I'm as emotionally invested as I was before she broke it off, whatever we had. At this point in my life, I'm not looking to casually date, I'm looking to settle down. We'll see. Wonder if I'm taking the right path on this one...we'll see on Wednesday. Until then, In Loving Kindness, RMS.

The first full day in Bangalore, India

So today we went to the office and had a relatively slow day. My colleague, a good friend and wonderful woman, ended up with a rash / allergy reaction to the wine she had on her flight over. I think the wine combined with the foreign food and Bangalore weather probably hit her. We'll call her SLH. She and I worked together in Global and she came from a particularly hard place being a minority female and lesbian. She's happily settled with a life partner and two children she is raising. I think that sense of connectedness and balance is wonderful. I feel guilty when I offend her. We had a good discussion today about race relations and sexual orientation in society. The side bar conversation was more interesting than our work on-site!

I am having a little trouble with all of the road dust and noise pollution. Everyone and their dog honks their horn and it is sooo irritating. I ended up changing rooms and getting a much quieter room on the other side of the hotel. The Oberoi Bangalore Hotel is NICE. I love how in Asia, many of the luxury hotels I've staid in have great wood accents and select wood ceilings and marble baths. A very nice touch.

I traded emails with Amy today, which was nice, though the fact that she returned my voice mail with an email tells me that she wants her space for these two weeks. I'll give it to her and simply hope that she comes around by the end of April. At that point, if she's not ready for a stonger emotional connection and affectionate relationship, I guess I will re-evaluate...she may either not be ready / she may not feel comfortable with me. I don't want to lose her. I think the world of her and hope that we're connected emotionally, spiritually, and physically.

In Loving Kindness,

RMS

by Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet (1883-1931)

by Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet (1883-1931)
Also titled: You Were Born Together

You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.

You shall be together when white wings of death scatter your days.

Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.

But let there be spaces in your togetherness,

And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another but make not a bond of love:

Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.

Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.

Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,

Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.

For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.

And stand together, yet not too near together:

For the pillars of the temple stand apart,

And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

Met Someone...with a very common goal...

I met someone a few weeks ago that I would consider a gift from god. The first time I met her, I thought she was taken...I thought she was gorgeous, and her boyfriend definitely had me beat...he has hair ;-) We had an opportunity to get a picture and she put her hand on my shoulder...I felt a connection that makes you feel simply put, connected. She mentioned dinner and I gladly said I would get in touch with her. The next week we were out for dinner at Kismet Cafe near 24th & Guadalupe. I can't tell you how wonderful our first meeting was...I felt the chemistry both physically and intellectually. We discussed meditation, yoga, and spirituality. I still wasn't quite sure if she was single, but I knew I better try and take it to at least first base the next time we went out...the next time we went out, at the end of the night, she kissed my cheek, and I put my arm around her and went in for the kill...was simply put, wonderful...will never forget our first kiss in my Prius in front of the Monarch :-) So here I am...about a month later, not even, and we've learned a lot about each other. I can't begin to write about how much she's been through and where she's at now. She just broke up with her x boyfriend a few weeks ago and I know she's also dealing with something else too that I will not mention here...and so am I. Regardless, over our dinner last night at Ronnie's, I realized why our connection may have not been a match made in heavan. Both she and I have had a rough time over the past six months and I think we're both coming around. I leave for India in less than a week and will hopefully get a chance to see if I really miss her. We seem to have the exact same goals coming into this relationship. Will be interesting to see if w/in six months, we're still on the same page. I hope so...she's wonderful. Will keep you posted. In loving kindness, RMS

On Valentine's Day: What I want in 2010

Happy Valentine's! I guess that's tomorrow...I'm leaving Austin today to go visit my 94 year old grandmother in the hospital. She's a true fighter. Someone that's survived multiple strokes and still has her memory and mind. Talk about a full life...from Mumbai, India (NYC of India), married at 14, raised a large family, taught for many years, babysat for her grandchildren, and now spends her time reading and praying. She reminds me of Yoda, bot not quite as mobile. So here I am...34 and about to turn 35 in June. I still remember when I started working back in 1997 right after undergrad and meeting this guy who was 27 and still single and thought, man, this guy's still not married, wonder what's the deal? Well, here I am, 34 and almost 35 and single. Time flies when you're casually dating people, in and out of relationships, and working in a career and starting your own companies. I've made settling down / getting married my number 2 New Year's Resolution this year after 1 which was to start this blog / finish writing a book I'm working on...I usually succeed in about completing 8 to 9 out of 10 of my goals each year, so this is the year I hope. I've already lost one month mainly since I was in Malaysia, so glad to be back in Austin! With that said, I'd love to meet someone who's social, enjoys hot yoga, likes to get out and about, has a healthy circle of friends and family, and who can have an intellectually stimulating conversation or just chill...regardless of all the things you think you might enjoy in someone, I figure when you meet someone who makes you feel lucky to be with them, you have a deep emotional connection with them. You can open your heart to let them in. I'm looking forward to a year in sharing my heart center with someone. With loving kindness, RMS