Feeling Down...

So it's December 17th, 2015.  For some odd reason, even though I'm doing almost all of my sadhana, I'm feeling down.  I honestly don't know why.  I haven't been able to do asanas for over a month now, so I think that's a contributing factor.  Also, my diet's really bad, so I think that contributes as well.  I haven't had fresh fruit or vegetables in a while.  I miss eating well.  I keep eating carbohydrate intensive breakfast with no fruit and lunch and dinner are not much better.  I am thinking about switching to a fruit breakfast and a heavy lunch, but the lunch and dinner do not taste very good.  I am at a loss.  I think I'm feeling down because I did not get involved at all in the Koreans' visit to Sri Sri University.  I feel like I am so busy with working on my dissertation and preparing to leave for home, that I haven't been able to help out much.  I also feel that as I don't speak Hindi, I'm feeling disconnected with classmates.  Overall, I just feel disconnected.  Even though I have friends here, I don't feel close to anyone.  It's strange.  I feel like I had some good friends back home and family close by...I don't feel like I have either here.  I have fun and happy classmates, and I really enjoy their company with them, but I don't actually hang out with any of them on an ongoing basis.  I think I'm simply too busy in my own world of sadhana, seva, and studies.  I didn't even manage to make it to Satsang today.  I think I'm just missing the life I had surrounded by friends and a loving family.  I also enjoyed my work and now realize that my business relationships were really my personal relationships.  My clients were my friends.  I feel like something is deeply missing here.  I don't know what it is, but I can feel the tamas.  I feel low.  There is something missing.  I keep doing my sadhana every day and I'm also doing seva whenever I can, but for some reason, I'm not in sattva.  I don't know why.  I think having a herniated disc in my neck doesn't help...as Gurudev says, pain is there, but suffering is optional...I wonder why I'm suffering.  I honestly don't know.  I'm tired, I know that...I think some extra sleep will really help.  Here's knowing that things will get better...I know that the path is everything for me...there is only my beloved in this life.  Everything else in the material world has been had in my mind...with Love & compassion...may I be centered and be of service to my classmates and community tomorrow.  Jai Guru Dev

Time with the Master

May 30th, 2015

I am writing from 30k feet in the air as I have just finished shedding tears of love & gratitude at the thought of leaving my beloved, my master, my guru...my beloved Gurudev.  I had an amazing May.  I arrived on May 5th at the Bangalore Ashram & departed this morning.  I only left the ashram once to have dinner with my cousin brother-in-law.  I had a great time seeing him & we planned on doing some amazing seva when he wraps up his worldly life.

I arrived on May 5th at 8pm...I had just missed Gurudev at Satsang.  I felt a little bad, but knew I would see him the next day.  I proceeded to check-in & could not believe my luck.  I eventually, after just a few days, would be living right next door to Gurudev's Kutir.  I was filled with pure joy at the thought of sleeping close to my master.  I had not been assigned a formal internship, so I decided to come up with my own seva project.  For the first few days, I took many photos of our beautiful ashram...about 400 photos in all.  I still can't fully understand my good luck.  I had been able to enter just about every part of the ashram.  There were only a couple of places that I was not able to go to.  I was able to capture the beauty of the Goshala (cow farm) & the Gurukul, two of my favorite places.  In all the years of visiting the ashram, I had only once been able to see the Goshala.  The cows were heavenly & I had never seen cows like them.  They were gigantic and reflected a purity beyond words.  The Gurukul was also very beautiful.  I will share photos soon.  I wondered what my life would have been like if I had started at the Gurukul early on.  I am ever grateful for the life experiences in this lifetime.  I feel like this lifetime's experiences have given me so much depth.

On the second day, my first full day at the ashram, I saw Gurudev.  I felt like we locked eyes & all I could feel was pure joy & love.  His smile is all I need to feel like I have come home.  He spoke a little in English, but mostly in Hindi or other Indian languages.  Nonetheless, I loved just being close to him.

After a few days, I was surfing Facebook & I saw that Kamlesh Ji, a senior Sri Sri Yoga II teacher, posted on Facebook that she needed help.  I quickly commented on her post & said that I could help as I was at the ashram until the end of May.  

Within a day, I was setup as an Ashramite Summer Intern.  I felt great to be doing Gurudev's official work.  Gurudev had even named the event that I would solely be responsible for.  The event is called "The sun never sets on yoga."  I felt some pressure early on with so much ambiguity and so much to do within just a few weeks, but I quickly had success with the operational & tactical setup.  We had the video team, web team, & media / marketing setup within a week.  I also had started reaching out to countries &/ cities by the second week.  By the time I left, we had over 50 cities &/ countries on board.  The goal is 108 cities, but my personal goal as I had to leave early was 50 cities as one of our previous events had 50 countries on their video.

So aside from the internship, I was able to experience many things that left me in awe & wonder...just being close to an enlightened human being is an amazing phenomenon.  I once remember Gurudev saying to go from the gross to the unmanifest, the suttle.  I usually had a craving to meet Gurudev face-to-face & speak with his gross (meaning physical) human body, but this time I felt Gurudev speaking to me in the space, the consciousness.  I have so much to share, but feel like these experiences / glimpses of truth are sacred secrets.  I hope to share these one day with his blessings.

I had one main reason for coming to the Bangalore Ashram in May.  I wanted to celebrate my beloved's birthday with him!  Gurudev just turned 59 & I had never spent his birthday with him physically.  Last year we had an amazing vegan birthday cake which was a replica of the VM building made in Austin by Patti Montella's sister.  The cake was awesome!

I wasn't sure if I would be able to give Gurudev a birthday gift on his birthday.  This would be a dream come true.  I had given Gurudev a Christmas gift in 2013 on Christmas Day in Boone & he opened it in front of everyone.  I felt great that he opened it.  I did have to ask...but on his birthday in the Bangalore Ashram with thousands of people, I had no idea how I would be able to give Gurudev his birthday gift.  I had a small gift bag & two beautifully wrapped chocolates and my business card.  I was excited at the thought of potentially giving this sweet gift to my beloved.  And then it happened...Gurudev was coming by in his Innova & his backseat window was open.  There were tons of people, but I stuck out my hand with the gift near his window & his right hand was waving to people & all of a sudden, his left hand came reaching out of the car & he grabbed the gift from my hands, fulfilling my dream!  I felt wonderful.  I couldn't believe Gurudev had actually taken, my birthday gift to him, on his birthday...I was so happy.  I proceeded to go into the packed amphitheater, Yagnashala.  We had a great time with music, Poojas, Homas, & a very short few words by Gurudev.  I felt great just being in his presence.  We were so lucky to have spent this very special day with him. This was a dream come true for me.

Within the next couple of days, Gurudev was about to fulfil another dream of mine.  I would be doing the Happiness Program directly from Gurudev.  Not only that, I had received an unbelievable special gift.  I would be doing two days of Long Kriyas live with Gurudev.  The long Kriyas were out of this world, a sacred experience that I had never experienced...a sacred secret that I cannot share, but can only express my gratitude towards being there at this time...Gurudev had not taken a Happiness Program live in 20 years. This was truly an amazing experience.  And hearing the way Gurudev teach.  He teaches with so much lightness, joy, & love.  He keeps the knowledge light & playful. He's not serious / strict at all.  He's simply there & present to everyone's questions.  The sessions were very sweet.

After the Happiness program ended, I decided to get committed to enrolling cities & really focus on my summer internship project.  I was struggling with only 5 or 10 cities registered & decided to really focus. What I found was that the pressure was useless & even Gurudev mentioned this during Satsang.  As I went deeper & deeper in my sadhana, I found everything to simply be a happening.  I even completed a 3 day fast.  Usually fasting is a little difficult for me, but being at the ashram with Gurudev made it nearly effortless.  I had finished a three day fast like it was nothing.  Gurudev says to fast on fruit & water, so it's an easier fast.

I can't explain what happened, but all of a sudden, I had the support of so many people.  I started getting many cities committed & the program I was coordinating took off.  The program, "The sun never sets on yoga" had 50 cities signed up within just a couple of week.  I was even assigned a backup, Mayur Ji, who was well connected.  He helped get our web team on board & within a week, we were all set.  I relaxed a little & enjoyed my time & concentrated on my Sandhyavandana.  The Homa felt great each morning & I was able to get into a great routine of waking up at 3am & going to bed around 9pm.  

My days flew by!  I literally had no time.  Between 3am - 9pm each day, time would fly by.  I didn't love this, because I like to have time to read & write & think, but I was so happy doing my Master's work & going deeper in sadhana, that I fully accepted the situation.  I had no desire to even leave the campus (ashram).

So the second to last day came.  I was working on a side seva project to clean up & make our hostel really nice.  We were almost there.  I ran into the BBA student that works for me at Sri Sri University.  He approached me & said that he wanted to work for me, so I said I had just the thing...I believe Gurudev had sent him to me to do my (his) work.  I was so grateful.  He was sweet & dedicated.  He worked well & was able to get our work almost done.  I was quite happy.

The last evening, he was cleaning outside & then came inside to help me pack.  Another one of my buddies also came to help me pack. I was grateful for their help.  As we were wrapping up, the rain had started to slow down & I said that we could maybe see the Guru for a few minutes left of Satsang.  They were willing to join me even though one of them had a major cast.  We wrapped his cast in plastic & decided to trench through the muddy roads & drizzling rain.  I wasn't sure if we would reach in time to see Gurudev, but then it happened.  I walked into Satsang & felt the presence of my love, my SOUL MAsTEr.  I was so happy & all dressed up wearing my finest Kurta.  I left that evening feeling that my heart was completely full, my mind was in bliss, & I had found no other joy greater in this world.  I had found my true love.  There is nothing else.  This is that.  And as he says, "you are that."

I hope to leave you reading this in the present moment & I want to share some beautiful knowledge here from Gurudev.  He says to live by three things:

1.  Clarity in Mind

2.  Purity in Heart

3.  Sincerity in Action

With love & gratitude beyond words, 

Jai Guru Dev,

Navratri in Love

Navratri in Love - Oct 23, 2015

October 11th, 2013 - I had just wrapped up weeks of intensive physiotherapy at Apollo Hospital in Bhubaneshwar.  I would travel 40 minutes each way for an hour and a half of healing.  I was grateful for feeling better, but still felt the discomfort of back pain from being hunched over at a desk for 20 years in school & work.

The day had arrived.  I was so happy to be heading to see my beloved master & guru, Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, lovingly called Gurudev.  I quickly called up for a rickshaw, threw my backpack in & headed to the airport.  When I got to the airport, I realized I did not have a gift for my beloved.  I love to take something for him & decided to buy him the highest quality dark chocolate I could find.  After an uneventful flight, I arrived at the Bangalore ashram later that Sunday night after the earlier Satsang.  I checked into a triple non-A/C sharing room in New Vasuki, a very nice dormitory / residence at the ashram.

The next day, we started with yoga & a wonderful long Sudarshan Kriya.  I was elated at being able to eat in our dining hall...I love the sattvic food at the ashram.  My body feels so much happier & healthier with the sattvic food freshly prepared every day.

That morning, during the first day of the International 7 day silence course, also called the Advanced Meditation Program (AMP), I saw my beloved.  I felt immediately elated and so happy just to see him & be in the same space as him.  We had a wonderful day of spiritual ceremonies, meditation, singing, & knowledge.  I slept like a baby that night.

The next day, we all went into silence.  I was so happy that we would be spending all 7 days in the Vishalakshi Mantap (VM) building.  This is the largest mantap in Asia and by far the most beautiful building on campus.  I love the space & energy in the beautiful meditation hall.

I was also so happy to see Swamiji Brahmatej & Dinesh Goudke in our silence course.  They are some of my favorites.  They exude happiness, peace, love, & joy. We had a new silence course teacher from Gujarat who was a complete joy...her laugh & smile were so beautiful.  

From the first day, I decided not to use a blackjack / any back support.  I felt like I was still able to go deep in meditation.  This is my 21st silence course, so I feel like I am about half way to my goal of silence courses equal to my age - a recommendation by Dinesh Ji.

The silence course flew by & I realised I really needed a 10 day silence course and asked if we could offer a 15 / 20 day silence course in the future...I wrote this down in my feedback form after the course ended.  After the course ended, Gurudev offered to meet all of the internationals & I was happy at the chance to potentially give Gurudev his Lindtt dark chocolate.  Towards the end of the session, he was getting up & I ran to the front of the stage and stuck out my hand with my gift bag of chocolate and he looked at me lovingly in the eyes & grabbed the chocolate...I let out a sound of joy & we just smiled at each other as I imagine Krishna smiled at his Gopis.

As I am about to finish my Masters of Arts degree in Naturopathic Medicine & Yogic Sciences in five months, I was finding myself oscillating from the past & future, mainly planning for the future...I had lost the present moment many times.  Luckily, the meditations were deep and I was able to let go of my wandering mind.  After the course had ended, I had a chance to catch up with a dear friend of mine from Texas.  He's 70 years old and has been with TM & Gurudev for over 40 years.  He had some amazing insight to share with me.  I had asked him if he found himself planning a lot & he said, not anymore...he didn't even have the next flight booked.  He said that at 70, he just relaxes in the present moment with a sense of contentment.  He's no longer chasing after desires / concerned with aversions...he's simply feeling & observing each moment as it happens.  He reminded me of what Gurudev says about the present moment being so vast & infinite.  If we are present to this moment, we can observe so much happening right now in this joyous and happy moment vs. dwelling / glorifying the past / worrying about the future.  I also asked him about desire and he mentioned that he also enjoys looking at an attractive woman, but at 70, he simply enjoys the beauty without any feverishness.  I find that with my daily sadhana including two Homas / day in Sandhyavandana, I also experience a simple feeling of "witnessing" beauty without getting caught up in desire for an attractive woman.  I am grateful & humbled by the lack of sexual testosterone driven desire that I struggled with in my twenties & thirties.  I am so grateful for this yogic way of living.

Almost twice a day, I was able to see Gurudev.  I love Navratri because I get to spend so much time in my master's presence.  The only problem I had is that my back was severely aching as I chose to have no back support all day...my back was creating quite a bit of misery in my mind and I was surprised at how many negative thoughts & emotions started coming up in the small mind. I was surprised as intellectually I knew & thought that I could disassociate my mind from the body, but my mind was in tamas (tamsic) from all the body pain...I was in so much pain that I could not meditate during the amazing & beautiful Poojas & Homas.  Luckily, I felt so much love from my Master during this time, that I was ok with not feeling the deep meditations during the Poojas & Homas that I had experienced in previous years.  I was still happy simply feeling his love.  I recently read a knowledge sheet in which Gurudev spoke about not surrendering...he said, instead, just feel the connection with the divine / the master, relax, & let go.  I was surprised at how useful keeping this in mind is.  

I can still remember so many sweet divine tears of gratitude & love.  I love this time when I can simply feel so much love...I believe these sweet tears of gratitude & love are blessings from the divine.  One evening, our silence course teacher shared that the divine longs for these sweet tears.

So I am now 30k feet in the air heading back to Sri Sri University in Cuttack, Odisha.  I am happy that I had the chance to spend this time with my master & am excited about healing my back & getting past this pain.  I look forward to going deeper in my studies, sadhana, seva, & satsang...

With love & gratitude...

Jai Guru Dev,

Silence & My Beloved’s Visit

I had just finished an amazing silence course with Swamiji Paramtej and Swamiji Brahmatej and I was excited at the thought of my beloved arriving on August 30^th, one day earlier than previously planned.  I was elated at the thought of seeing my guru, my master, my beloved Gurudev.  The past two times Gurudev had visited Sri Sri University in Cuttack, Odisha, I ended up getting sick right after he left, so this time I told myself I would do my full sadhana (spiritual practice) and focus on quality vs. quantity time with my beloved.  The first day he arrived, I was excited about hopefully being able to lock eyes with him and see his loving smile.  I was unable to get through the crowds of people and decided to take him a gift.  I came back to my room and was disappointed at the fact that I had already given away all the chocolates I had bought for him.  I then looked around in my room and thought about what I could give my beloved.  I had three packets of organic cashews and a gift bag from the Bangalore ashram.  I quickly put the bag of organic cashews together and put them in the gift bag along with my Art of Living business card.  I wrote my India cell phone number on my US card and hoped that he would one day call me.  I dream of the thought of my master calling me…wouldn’t it be amazing to have Gurudev call?  So that afternoon, I was happy that I was able to get near his Kutir and past all of the security.  As Gurudev is considered a state guest, there is considerable security internally to the university and within the state of Odisha.  I was honest and the security guards at first would not let me past the main gate to the administrative block where Gurudev’s Kutir is.  And then all of a sudden, the guard let me in.  I was happy and excited at the thought of being physically close to my master.  I was soon right outside the door of his kutir with many guests waiting for him to walk out.  Within some time, Gurudev walked out and I called out, “Gurudev” and he looked over at me.  I handed him the gift bag and he said, “Hi, How are you?” with a big smile and those eyes that simply melt your heart.  I smiled and simply said, “wonderful Gurudev.”  He quickly proceeded to walk out and get into his Innova.  As he sped off, I was so happy that I actually had the chance to speak with him.  The first / second time he visited Sri Sri University, I was not able to speak with him at all.  I was ecstatic at my luck in speaking with him.  As he was walking away, I committed to doing a lot of seva while he was here as I felt so lucky that he had met me on the first day. 

That evening, we had a wonderful Satsang (music, singing, meditation, and knowledge) and I felt so happy.  I showed up late as I was committed to doing seva and my full sadhana every day.  I once heard Gurudev say that the order of spiritual life is sadhana, seva, and then sleep (6 to 8 hours / day).  After meeting these basic requirements / disciplines to keep the mind, body, and spirit happy, I then feel like time with my beloved is a gift from the divine.  I had a great time helping out wherever I could in the kitchen / on campus.

The next day, we had a maha-satsang and I was so busy all day with sadhana and seva that I was barely able to see Gurudev and I even showed up late to satsang.  I was happy to see Gurudev there and I felt like he was answering questions I had wondered about.  He beautifully spoke about our need to take responsibility in the communities we live in.  He said that we all need to take up some work to better our society.  One thing I often wonder about is, how can I leave this world better than I found it?  That afternoon, I was serving lunch and had hoped that there would be some desert left over, so that I could enjoy fulfilling my sweet tooth!  I usually just eat one meal a day and have milk for lunch, but with Gurudev here and so much seva, I thought, why not enjoy a little?  Unfortunately, the desert quickly ran out, but I was happy that I was able to let our guests enjoy our great Kaivalya cooking. 

That evening, while I was in the kitchen doing seva, the cooks were making this amazing Odiya desert that tastes like Jelabi…I forgot what it’s called, but it’s sooo delicious.  I thought the cooks were making puris’ and they offered one to me.  I couldn’t believe my sweet tooth’s delight!  I had just bit into a craving that made my Samana Vayu and Manipura chakra smile!  They were so kind to offer me a second piece!  Little did I know, the desert was not for everyone, it was just for our VIP guests and Gurudev.  I was amazed at how Gurudev spoiled me after I had to skip out on lunchtime desert.  Gurudev has written in his Ashtavakra Gita commentary that those who give, will receive even more; but those who don’t feel that they have and feel lack, will lose even what little they have.  I have seen this happen in reality many times and was grateful for my Gurudev’s subtle gift.

The next day, we had the convocation ceremony.  We had several very successful people on stage and the chief guest, the Chief Minister of Odisha.  The ceremony was beautiful and I was hoping I would get to see Gurudev, but felt that I would likely have to sit upstairs with the students and teachers.  To my luck, while I was being asked to sit upstairs, someone walked up to me, and said that my corporate guest was looking for me.  I proceeded to the ground floor sitting area and found a friend I had met at Paris Bakery, an MBA that worked at Apple Computers in Bhubaneshwar.  I was happy at my good fortune that he came and was happy that I was able to sit next to him close to Gurudev.  We talked about his education, career, and life aspirations.  He is a passionate corporate professional and reminded me of my days as a young hyper-ambitious MBA.  My heroes used to be the Michael Dells and the Steve Jobs of the world, but now I realize my heroes are Gurudev and his close devotees that have opened up to the field of consciousness.  I am awed at how many devotees have been with Gurudev for 20 or 30 years with so much dedication and inspiration.  Their forbearance is a gift from the divine.  Gurudev’s love is so all-encompassing that it’s no surprise to hear their wonderful and heart-fulfilling stories.

Towards the end of the day, I started to feel bad at the fact that I had not been able to spend any more quality time with Gurudev.  That night I felt disconnected and went to bed a little upset.  I did my night-time prayers and went to bed.  I woke up in the same emotional state, feeling upset and temporarily disconnected from my beloved.  I went for my morning walk and returned back for a shower and sadhana.  As I began my sadhana, I started to feel better.

Gurudev often says that lovers want to merge with the other.  They want to know everything about the other and can’t stand any separation from their partner.  Lovers want there to be no distance between each other.  I began to feel this way earlier this morning, and tears began to flow down my eyes during my sadhana.  I felt that I simply wanted to merge with Gurudev and could not stand any distance between him and I.  I wanted to rip open my chest (metaphorically) and find Gurudev smiling within my heart center.  I want him to be in every cell of my existence.  I simply want to merge with him.  I realize there is no person in this world that can fill this void…he is that and you are that.  When I looked up at my clock, the time read 5:30am, about two hours into my day, and I felt I had to see him before he left later today.  I intuitively felt Gurudev inviting me for a morning walk and I immediately felt happier.  My low emotional state immediately became lighter and I felt happier again at the thought of wanting to be physically close and see my master again.

After breakfast, I found the Veda Boys walking towards Gurudev’s Kutir and decided to help give them rides to get there quickly.  I always enjoy the company of the Veda Boys and their playful, light-hearted care-free nature.  They are great examples of how to be simple, humble, honest, pure, and innocent.  I believe these are tenants that Gurudev wants us to live by.  As I was with the Veda boys, I saw Ajaya Ji, one of my best friends on campus and in my class, and he said I could join the Veda boys to meet Gurudev as he knows I spend a lot of time with the Gurukul and Veda Boys.  The Veda Boys often do great seva projects with me like campus clean up and we recently even completed a walk-way made from stones.  There are about 25 veda boys in the campus Gurukul and they are all great kids. 

And then it happened, as we were standing outside Gurudev’s Kutir, Gurudev said that all Odisha teachers could come in to meet Gurudev.  I quickly stood in line and was almost denied getting in past security, but luckily a dear friend vouched for me being an Odisha based Art of Living teacher.  I was elated at being able to see Gurudev.  I went inside and sat close to Gurudev.  I was so happy to see Gurudev.  He invited all the teachers up to receive prasad and I shyly stuck my palm out and was so delighted to get a Penda (sweet) directly from Gurudev.  I was all smiles and just took a little piece as I wanted to share the rest of the penda with all of the Veda Boys who were still outside Gurudev’s kutir.  I put the penda in my left palm and touched my Master’s feet, fulfilling another dream.  I had purposely cut all of my finger nails short so that my nails would not hurt his feet.  I gently touched my beloved’s feet fulfilling a life-long dream.  I still can’t believe this happened earlier today…I feel like the luckiest man alive! 

A few seconds later, Swamiji handed me his phone and wanted me to take photos of him near Gurudev.  I took several pics and couldn’t believe my good fortune at being able to sit close to Gurudev.  I would love to share so much more, but believe these sacred experiences of being close to your Master are truly sacred secrets.  The experience was beyond words.  I simply knew I had come close…I was literally sitting close to my master.  After some time, Gurudev got up to go into his bedroom, and so I also stood up.  As he was walking to his room, he stopped and looked at me.  I smiled and he said, “Are you enjoying?”  I said, “Yes Gurudev, you fulfilled a dream I had…I was able to touch your feet.”  I didn’t realize until now that he was likely referring to the sacred experience he was giving me.  We smiled at each other and he proceeded into his bedroom.  I walked outside and gave small pieces of my remaining prasad to all of the Veda Boys.  I was and am still so happy.  I feel that Gurudev just keeps on fulfilling my dreams…it’s truly a gift to have found my Guru, my Master, and my Beloved in this life.

As I walked out, I decided to head back home and get my car so we could possibly head to the airport to see Gurudev off.  As I drove back towards the Kutir, I realized Gurudev was at Shruti Hall in our new academic building.  All of the students were lined up for darshan from Gurudev.  Girin Bhaiya saw Ajaya Ji and I, and he quickly told us to get in line.  We lined up and also found another dear friend and Art of Living teacher, Kalpita Ji, also my co-teacher during our summer internship.  Gurudev walked around giving darshan (blessings) and gave me a beautiful smile and loving look.  I smiled and just felt him showering his grace and love on me. 

Towards the end of the darshan line, Ajaya Ji recommended we quickly get up and head towards the door as Gurudev would be leaving soon for the airport.  We loaded up and grabbed a fresher (first year student) and seva warrior, Pushpat Ji on the way.  We headed to the airport in the typical mad-rush car-chase following Gurudev’s Innova.  I was happy we arrived safely.  We had a police escort and were able to park right in front of the old airport entrance.  Gurudev went inside the lounge and came back out to greet us all.  There were maybe 50 of us there.  As he came by, he blessed me with a flower tap on the head and I couldn’t help but feel his bliss and love.  I was so happy!  When he saw me again, he said, “chalo” which means “see you” or “let’s go.”  One day, I’m hoping we’ll travel together and when he says “chalo” he will mean it’s time for us to go…I don’t know if it will be while I’m alive or if it will be when I meet him when I depart from this body, but either way, I know I’ll be reunited with my love.  I leave you with tears of gratitude in my eyes.  My face is smiling, my heart is full, and my mind is in bliss.  May I leave you feeling the same way. 

With love beyond words,

Jai Guru Dev,

Ritesh

Relevance of Yoga in Modern Life

What is the relevance of yoga in modern life?  First off, what is yoga?  What is the meaning of modern life?

Yoga comes from the ancient Sanskrit word Yuj, which simply means union / to join.  Yoga ultimately means uniting the mind, body, breath, and spirit…and for modern life, I would add to that statement, “in the present moment.”  At a much deeper level, which may not be applicable here in this modern worldly life, yoga gives us the realization of truth, or the ultimate reality of consciousness and non-duality.  We are so often caught up in the duality of life seeing nearly everything as separate from us.  This keeps us chasing after material worldly desires, things, people, pleasures, status, and other “things” that ultimately keep us away from waking up to the reality, to our own self, to the realization of the belongingness, to the dharma or purpose of why we are actually here on this planet.  If we deeply realize our dharma or purpose in life, then a much larger view of the universe opens up to us; but let’s keep with the inquiry regarding yoga in modern life.

What is modern life?  Modern life, or the worldly life we live, often involves raising children, focusing on our career, managing a home, filling that home, and keeping our relationships going.  Modern life often also involves many hours in front of electronics like cell phones, sitting in front of a computer (which I am doing now) and the TV.  One of the most significant aspects of modern life is the feeling of multi-tasking and being very busy…always prioritizing what to do and when to do it.  We spend so much time worrying about the future or dwelling on the past.  We are rarely in the present moment.  That’s where Yoga comes in.

There are many aspects of yoga.  There are also many different levels of utilizing yoga.  One who fully dwells in yoga could be called a Yogi.  One who also manages both the worldly life, but with non-attachment and contentment might also be called a Yogi.  So both possibilities exist.  The key here is utilizing the breath and being present to each and every moment.  This present-mindedness while being established in the self is the ultimate formula for yoga in modern life.  I would also argue that the simple journey of becoming present to each moment and taking care of your mind, body, breath, and spirit can all be tools to integrating yoga in modern life. 

There are several ways to incorporate the yogic sciences into your modern daily life.  Some broad ways to incorporate yoga into modern life include paying attention to what we eat, how much we sleep, how we breathe, and being more aware of our thoughts, words, and actions.  The major yogic techniques also include satkarmas, asanas, kriya, pranayamas, and meditation.  Through lifestyle changes, one can realize a happy and fulfilling modern lifestyle while still being in the world.

Even 20 to 30 minutes a day of yoga practices combined with conscious choices like getting six to eight hours of sleep each night, keeping the mind in a calm and meditative state of awareness, keeping a healthy and sattvic vegetarian diet while drinking plenty of water, and helping others through selfless service, can have a tremendous impact on our ability to live a happy and fulfilling modern life.

On Cheating and Silence

Two things that I am grateful for...

I am so grateful that I do not cheat.  I feel lucky that the divine, my parents, my friends, and the community I was raised in taught me that cheating is bad and only leads one to cheating oneself.  Our beloved Gurudev recently said that you are simply cheating yourself and no one else.  I think it's strange that people are here to go deeper on the path, yet can't even be honest with themselves.  Why would we cheat ourselves?  I can't figure out why there is so much talking during exams...

The second thing I am grateful for is my silence.  I remember when I was younger and more immature, I would go on talking and talking with friends about small-minded things and then later realise how much energy I lost.  What I am also very grateful for is keeping my silence when a professor, teacher, or Gurudev is speaking.

What makes people speak so much?  One interesting thing Girin Bhaiya said recently was that if, at the end of the day, you rewind the day, you'll notice how much unnecessary gossip / nonsense is spoken throughout the day.  Now that I am older, I have realised that silence is the greatest gift.  To listen from a space of depth, wonder, empathy & compassion.  Gurudev, in his commentary on the Ashtavakra Gita has said that one who speaks so much after experiencing consciousness performs a great blunder, pragyapad.  I truly believe that the constant talking is not only pragyapad, but also a fear of listening to our own inner voice.  The inner silence I believe takes us from an insecure state of unknowing and having to deal with our inner thoughts to a state of bliss and comfort in our own true nature.  I am so grateful to enjoy my own silence and listen to nature, to my own inner dialogue, & to all those that have beautiful knowledge & wisdom to share in the space of consciousness.

In honesty & silence.

Love & Jai Guru Dev.

An Aspiring Yogi

Shivratri 2015 in the Bangalore Ashram with Gurudev

February 12th, I had my last seva meeting with two of our second year MBA students and headed off to the airport.  We were working on a really cool project to enable villages to get clean and pure drinking water from the humidity in the air.  I had met with VC (Vice Chancellor) Sir, Dr. KC Mishra, and he blessed the project, but I was still a little anxious and stressed about getting the project done as I was leaving for the Bangalore Ashram on the 12th, and the project submission was due on the 15th.  I decided to take a deep breath in and just let it go.  I surrendered the project to the divine and decided to focus on catching my flight!  I went to class and headed off for the airport at Noon.  I was happy to hop in the rickshaw with my backpack and be on my way.

As we arrived at the airport, I found my stress and tension still lingering in my back and shoulders.  I found a great massage spa at the airport and decided to indulge in a 20 minute back and shoulder massage...I found myself head down with a Masseuse crawling and walking on top of my legs and back.  I felt like heaven!  Her knees, elbows, and hands were a welcome to knots in my back and neck.  After 20 minutes or so, I faintly heard my flight boarding announcement and hopped up and rushed to the gate.  I was set, nicely seated and blissed out looking forward to seeing my beloved in just a few hours.

I arrived at the Bangalore Airport and was dissapointed to hear that my driver, Anil Ji, would not be able to make it for another hour and a half.  This was simply too much of a delay before I would get to see my beloved.   I ran into a few Sri Sri University students and we decided to all share a cab.  I ended up riding with two others.  Little did I know this would be my first ego trip...when I say ego, I mean "ease-goes."  When Gurudev mentions Ego, he says that Ego is whatever causes the feeling of separateness from you and anyone else.  He also says that ego is when your "ease-goes" meaning you lose your sense of a calm and meditative state of mind.  I asked them if we could go straight to the ashram and they said yes.  So we hopped in and we were off.  After we got into the city, one of the folks in the car said that she wanted to drop off some stuff and see her sister.  She kindly asked me and I started to grumble on the inside.  I was quickly loosing my cool and equanimity as I realized that we were going through the city, which takes almost twice as long as taking the toll roads outside the city.  So now, I had realized, an hour into our journey, we going out of our way to meet someone I don't know and have to wait while the folks in the car spent time with their friends / family.  We arrived in the city and she said, we'll be back in 10 minutes...almost 20 minutes later she came back with an orange juice for me and we headed off to the Ashram.  I was relieved to hear that Gurudev was in Delhi, so I wasn't as disappointed at arriving 3 1/2 hours later.  I wonder how I could have sincerely felt more equanimity or Vairagya (dispassion) on that trip.  By the time we reached the ashram, I simply handed over a 500 Rs. note, grabbed my backpack, and took off.  I wasn't really interested in any further small talk / time pass with them.  I later felt a little bad, but realized that I still have a long way to go on this beautiful path.  Wouldn't it be beautiful to simply accept people and situations as they are and be present for the present moment is inevitable.

By 8:30pm or 9pm or so, I checked into my heavenly abode, Yagnashala B.  I remember my roommate from Canada last summer.  He gave me a ride from the Canadian Ashram to the Montreal airport with two other senior teachers from the US.  I couldn't believe he broke his silence to speak with me.  I am very strict about my silence as I feel like it takes time to truly get quiet.  He was five days into his 10 day silence course.  We talked briefly and agreed to basic roommate logistics.

The next morning, I headed to Vishalakshi Mantap for morning sadhana and Long Kriya.  The morning sadhana was awesome.  The group was energetic and the sadhana (meditation) was deep.  I really enjoy the international group.  The English speaking group broke out to Maitri Hall later that morning.  From what I remember, we had separate break-out groups for Chinese, Russian, Mongolian, and French speakers.  I was happy that we had so many people there.

We started the first day of the course with basic course point reviews and some fun processes.  We did some yoga and meditations too.  We ended with knowledge videos that night.  At around 7pm, I locked eyes with Gurudev.  He came to a mind blowing Satsang.  His presence was paradise.  I went deep into meditation and felt tears of gratitude and joy.  At Satsang, we sang several Bhajans and I could feel the trance of the huge crowd.  I felt like I was literally in Heaven.  At that moment, with my beloved so close, I could think of nothing more I wanted.  I was fully contended...I had reached my destination.  I knew Santosha (contentment).  That night we all went into silence and off I went to bed.

The second day of the silence course was great.  Many meditations and I started to go deeper and deeper within myself.  I felt a great sense of contentment and ended up in a very happy place seeing my beloved again that evening.  That night I ended up getting disciplined by our senior teacher...our senior teacher decided that we would all watch an hour long Ishavasya Upanishad video each night.  Well, I had just attended the Ishavasya Upanishad discourse the previous month and prepared notes for others.  So 15 minutes into the talk, I decided I was done.  I was so tired as I usually go to bed at 8:30pm or 9pm at the latest and wake up at 3am.  I started walking out of the hall and then it happened...she stopped me and asked where I was going.  I wrote in my iPhone that I was tired and had just attended the talks last month and was heading to my room.  She looked at the note and then told me to sit down and not walk back to my chair.  I was being disciplined like a 9 year old.  I didn't take well to what had happened and so my mental trip began.  I went from being so happy to sinking deeper into frustration, ego, and low prana.  My trip of negativity lasted almost a day.  I simply told myself to treat the senior teacher with honor and respect, faith and grace.  So I rationalized that I needed to simply be present and let it go...as I always say, "take a deep breath and let it go."  This was a chance to truly live the knowledge.  So I did...I let go after a day and chalked up the experience to cultural differences.   In my heart I told myself, that my teacher's a hollow and empty instrument of my beloved Gurudev and I would simply surrender any uneasiness to my own ego.

By the third day, I was back to my normal self and started going deeper and deeper into the hollow-and-empty meditations.  I found myself losing a sense of "my" self.  I found myself experiencing a letting go of "I, me, and my."  The meditations felt deep and powerful and I started becoming quieter and quieter in my head.  I thought of the Yoga Patanjali Sutra, "Yoga Chitta Vritti Nirodha."   I teach this in Sri Sri Yoga, but here was my chance to live it.  There's so much more I would like to share, but feel like these divine experiences are best left as sacred secrets.  Gurudev says that secrets often grow in our minds.  So we share what's shameful and regretful and keep the beautiful and sacred secrets, so that the beauty and sacredness grows within.

On the second to last day, the international course participants from the US and Canada had a chance to meet with Gurudev in his private meeting room.  I had only been to this hall once before.  I was so happy that only about 15 of us would be meeting Gurudev.  To be honest, I found myself grumbling at the negative thoughts and emotions that were coming up that day.  I felt like without my Sandhyavandana practice, I was a little raw.  I now realize how amazing the Sandhyavandana practice is and much equanimity and peace of mind my full sadhana provides.  We had a fun time outside his meeting room with Indira, the Ashram elephant.  Gurudev fed Indira graciously and Indira even attempted to enter the meeting room pushing open Gurudev's meeting room door with his trunk.  Poor guy doesn't realize how big he is!

The US and Canadians entered the meeting room.  As I was grumbling from the inside, I felt that Gurudev would not speak to me.  So I quietly sat down waiting for him to come to me!  I thought we would not meet speak and I would simply give him my classmates' letters.  I had written a few questions that I wanted to speak to him about, but decided that I would not speak to him when I wasn't completely centered and happy.  Then it happened.  I couldn't believe it.  He walked up to me and said, "How are you?"  I said, "Great" with a deeper tone in my voice.  He then asked me, "How's the university?"  I said "Great" again feeling a bit happier as his smile was penetrating me.  I know that Gurudev knows exactly what's going on in my head.  I was grumbling and telling myself that I was done and needed a break.  And there he was, pulling me back in with his infinite divine love.  I can rarely understand Gurudev, but I remember him once saying, "I know your mind better than you."  I was once in Canada with him back in 2011, and he locked eyes with me for so long that I felt the entire Satsang looking at me wondering what he was looking at.  He smiled with so much love and grace that I knew my purpose in life was nothing but to serve him.  I know I will be close to him in the years to come.  He lovingly says, if you want to be close to be, do my work (seva).  I now realize that all I want to do is simply live and breathe his work, doing selfless service to society, improving the world, and uplifting people less fortunate.  Gurudev's mission is to create a stress-free and violence-free world.

As we left that the meeting room, I still didn't feel 100%.  I was so grateful for the opportunity to speak with Gurudev, but still was frustrated by the lack of Sama (control of mind) and Dama (control of senses) that I was experiencing.  I would love to share more, but feel like Silence Courses are simply something everyone has to experience for themselves.  The wisdom and knowledge gained is beyond words.  I walked back to my room and got the sense that I needed to attend Satsang to feel better, to feel my centeredness, groundedness, and joy.  I ended up singing and shedding tears of love and joy during Satsang with Gurudev.  I could feel a transformation and sense of joy and love.  I realized that Gurudev would not let me feel down and he simply pulled me up to a place of happiness and joy within just an hour.  The next morning, when I woke up, I knew I had received his blessings.  I was so happy to wake up at 4:30am, get ready, and head off for the last day of our course.  The last day of the course was great.  I was elated to find out that I was going to meet Gurudev in the National Teachers meeting.  I got my stuff together and headed over to the Vishalakshi Mantap (VM building).  We had a room of what felt like 500 teachers or so all elated to have the opportunity to meet Gurudev.  Gurudev came and we ended up in total silence for some time.  Gurudev says that in silence, a Master communicates from soul-to-soul.  I could feel tears of love and gratitude rolling down my face as he was divinely intimate with us in total silence.  After some time, he said, "hmmm" as he lovingly looked around the room.  We all were back into silence for some time, and then we meditated with him.  Towards the end of our time with Gurudev, we all talked about the 35th anniversary celebration that would be happening in New Delhi in 2016.  The dates will be February 12th - 14th.  I am hoping we'll have over 3 million people there.  I can't wait!  I am hoping we'll have our entire Sri Sri University attend.  He said the Indian railways are going to help with arranging low cost half price train tickets to get to Delhi.  I hope everyone I know attends.

Once we came out of silence, I busily ran around getting gifts for my classmates and the Veda boys and staff.  I also took formal Sankalpas for the evening Pooja and morning Homa.  The day had arrived.  We were going to celebrate Shivratri with over 150,000 people in attendance.  The outdoor Guru Paduka was packed!  Here's a pic:

I was seated in the Sankalpa section which quickly got jam packed!  I loved the singing and performances.  The sattva was soo high.  People were singing and dancing and everyone seemed so happy.  They had dancers and even a yoga performance.  I realized that the Sri Sri University BA and MA yoga students would have to perform during Navratri in the Fall.  We could really showcase our Yoga program and gets folks excited about going deeper on the path.

One informal tradition of Shivratri is staying up all night and fasting.  We skipped dinner that evening as the program started at 5:30pm and ended after midnight.  We did a midnight guided meditation with Gurudev.  The sattva was so high.  The meditations were out of this world.  In fact, Gurudev, says that during Shivratri, the Shiva Tattva comes / is very close to Earth.  All I can speak of is the experience of amazing meditations all night.

A little after midnight, one of our BA Yoga students walked up to me distressed and said, "I haven't met Gurudev.  I just want one minute to talk to him."  I thought, don't we all?  That would be a little difficult with over 150,000 people there.  That equates to 2,500 hours or over 100 straight days of Gurudev speaking with and meeting people.  So I told him to do seva with me all night and stay up as the tradition holds.  He agreed and we ended with about 4 or 5 of us together picking up trash throughout the fields and campus.  As 2am approached, we decided to take a hike up to Gurudev's original Kutir (home) called Shakti Kutir.  The guards would not let us anywhere near where we wanted to go, so we decided to walk around in other directions.  We finally ended up at the original campus registration building and walked over to where the original Ashtavakra Gita was filmed.  As security was close by and had quickly spotted us lurking around at 3am, I quickly told our group of folks that I would lead us through a guided meditation.  So we all closed our eyes and I did a Pancha Kosha meditation.  Right as we ended the meditation, we decided to walk up to Shakti Kutir, but were quickly stopped.  I don't know how we did it, but we somehow managed to get the guards to let us walk up to Shakti Kutir.  We all did a guided meditation in Gurudev's voice and ended up going so deep.  The prana was soo high.  I think the fact that we were at the front door of Gurudev's original Shakti Kutir, combined with it being Shivratri was so powerful.  I simply felt like I was high.  The energy was amazing.  Right as we ended, security quickly asked us to leave and we headed out.  At around 3:30am, I split from the group and headed back home to freshen up for the 5am Pooja.  This time, I found a comfortable chair to meditate in and took a seat in our Sankalpa section for the morning Homa.  Gurudev arrived in time for morning Rudram.  Rudram is sacred Sanskrit chanting of praises to the Shiva Tattva energy.  Rudram started by 6am and we ended at 7:15am.  I was a little tired by then, so I was just happy knowing that Gurudev was there and that I could rest in meditation.

At 7:15am, I quickly ran back to my room, got my bags packed and got ready for my taxi at 8am.  I had a great time with Gurudev over Shivratri.  I look back at this time like I was in Vrindavan with Krishna.  I feel grateful for my time with Gurudev and wasn't all too happy to be leaving, but then remembered what Gurudev says.  He says, it's separation that makes togetherness so wonderful.  So I am left with a full cup of divine love and look forward to the intense longing to be with my Beloved Master, His Holiness Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, lovingly called Gurudev or Guruji, again.

With so much love.  As Gurudev says, "love is not an emotion, it is your very existence."

Love & Jai Guru Dev,

An Aspiring Yogi

Ishavasya Upanishads Trip to Bangalore

I remember leaving campus and feeling both elated and a little guilty that I was able to take this trip that not many of my classmates could readily do.  I realise now that what I should feel is grateful for this opportunity to be close to my master, my guru, my beloved.

At 12:30pm, I collected letters from classmates for Gurudev and hopped in the Rickshaw...off to Bhubaneshwar Airport.

I couldn't believe that within the day, I would be at Satsang with Gurudev. I feel so lucky to be able to simply hop in a plane and see my beloved within a few hours.

I arrived in Bangalore and picked up my nephew, Rohan...we did Yes+ together last year at the Bangalore Ashram.  I was happy to see him and glad that he was going to join me for Satsang and dinner...little did I know how bad Bangalore traffic is!  I landed at 5:30pm & we finally reached Satsang at 8:10pm.  I skipped registration, skipped any food, & even told Rohan to hold it (he had to pee) until we met Gurudev.  And then it happened.  I locked eyes with Gurudev and knew I had come home.  Seeing Gurudev felt like I was lost somewhere, 7 years old, & had just found my Mom.  I could feel my heartbeat and the love from my beloved.  I couldn't stop smiling.  I was so happy to be home sweet home.

After about 15 minutes, Satsang ended and I told Rohan to get up quickly...we had to race to say bye to Gurudev.  We raced to the side and before Gurudev got in the golf cart, he looked over at us, waved and smiled.  I felt so grateful that my beloved recognised me and was showering me with love and attention.

I finally told my poor nephew he could go pee and we would celebrate his birthday with a special dinner at Vishala Cafe!  We ate like kings and he seemed very happy.  We then headed off to get my registration and room together.  Rohan helped carry my backpack to my sweet room in Yagnashala B, one of the nicest residential buildings at the Ashram.  When we arrived, I thought I had checked into Heaven...the room was so beautiful...and little did I know, I got my own room!  I said my goodbyes to Rohan and told him we would meet up on my last day.

The next day I walked into Vishalakshi Mantap to find out Swamiji Brahmatej was going to lead our silence course.  I couldn't believe it.  I had a desire to have Swamiji Brahmatej take a silence course in Vishalakshi Mantap since Navratri...and wallah, here he was!  I feel so grateful for having done close to 10 silence courses within the past year...most with Gurudev.  I enjoyed the silence course and loved spending so much time with Gurudev during the Ishavasya Upanishad discourses over three days.  

From a space of deep silence, on the second-to-last day of the course, I had realized that I do experience all three Gunas varying quite often.  I realized that I sincerely wanted to shift to being Sattvic nearly all the time.  I wondered how could I be unconditionally happy regardless of people &/ situations.  Even though I feel very happy quite often and feel unconditionally loving, I still find myself experiencing Tamas and resistance to our basic course points.  I wondered why I can't accept situations at times; & why I struggle with accepting people at other times.  How do I become more present, even in my sadhana.  Why do I have so many wants?  Why do reptilian (meaning ancient - basic instinctual, a trait we have in common with animals) procreative desires come up?  I wonder why do I let my energy go up and come down at times vs. maintaining my state of equanimity.  All of these questions lingered in mind and brought me down from flying high in Sattva after so many hollow & empty meditations.  

Towards the last day of our course, that same day after my sattva came down a little, I ended up in the wrong Darshan (means blessings) room...I was in the 7 day Advanced Meditation Course (AMC) darshan room.  I wasn't sure what to do as I had already moved from the ground floor of the VM building to our first floor hall...by my mistake.  So I sat quietly and waited for Gurudev's arrival.  I had two letters to give him from classmates.

As Gurudev walked around, he finally came to me, but looked in the other direction and just held out his hand.  I gave him the letters but was crushed & kind of heart-broken.  I wanted a smile and loving nod from Gurudev, but got nothing except for him taking my letters.  

I was upset to say the least, but he smiled lovingly at me before he left the room.  I could still feel a cringe in my heart and told myself to man up...to be a man!  So I stayed and did some seva before leaving for my room.  After a shower, I still felt bad and emotional.  I finally let all of my emotions go and surrendered everything to the divine...I cried like a baby and felt so much relief after some time.  I wondered what I was doing here, why I felt so tamsic, and wondered if this is the right path for me.  I knew I loved Gurudev very much, but was simply not sure if this was the right path.  I finally went to bed and told myself I would put forth an effort, come back for Shivratri, & then decide if I would stay in India.  I only came here for my Guru.  

The next morning, I woke up with a smile...I knew I had received my beloved's blessings.  I resolved to stay the course and at least lock eyes with Gurudev before I left.  

The official last day of our course we were supposed to meet Gurudev at 2:30pm.  We were finally all set to meet him at 4:30pm.  There was a large group together in our new meditation hall and I had since written a love letter, a devotional letter to Gurudev.  I told myself I would not stand up as Gurudev wants us seated.  I was still a little heart-broken from my last Darshan yesterday.  So many people were in the meditation hall that I didn't think I would get a chance to speak with him.  I had simply hoped to give him the letter I wrote so he would know that I loved him dearly.  We were the last row to meet and get Darshan from Gurudev, so I figured he would speedily walk by, but then it happened...Gurudev stopped, I handed him the letter, he smiled at me as I smiled back.  He then said, "How are you?  Are you happy?"  I said, "yes Gurudev, I am very happy."  He then said, "How are things in Odisha?"  I said, "wonderful Gurudev."  He looked at me lovingly and I handed him my letter.  He looked at the letter then looked at me and I said, "it's a devotional letter."  I then said, "Gurudev, I'll be back for Shivratri."  He said "Good good" and went on. As Gurudev walked further on, I grabbed Sandeep (my Vedic Wisdom buddy from Seattle) sitting next to me and we hugged like long lost brothers.  I was so happy I couldn't contain myself.

We had a great Satsang this evening.  During Satsang I realized that we should be compassionate to ourselves, let the Samskaras (impressions) flow, and not get caught up in guilt.  As Raja and Bhakti Yogis, why not simply let past impressions / thoughts flow through this river of consciousness.  I am left wondering about what Gurudev told us a little over a year ago...he said, "you are the quality of your consciousness."

So now I am resting in my heavenly abode, Yagnashala B, getting ready to head back to school and play some serious catch-up.  

Looking forward to coming back home to be with my beloved on February 12th.

Love & Jai Guru Dev,

An Aspiring Yogi

My First Semester at Sri Sri University

So I just finished my first semester at Sri Sri University.  What a trip!  This is my first time ever being in India for over three months.  I must say, I went on several trips in my head...I spent days and nights stressed about wanting to change so many things at SSU.  I struggled with the lack of structure, the major difference in lecture styles, the fluid and ambiguous class schedules, the cafeteria food, the heat, the cleanliness, the transportation, the you name it, I struggled with it!  There were several lectures where I didn't even understand the lectures because the professor preferred speaking in Hindi vs. English...could you imagine studying human anatomy and physiology in Hindi!  Gratefully, now I have found a very comfortable setup (after moving seven times in my 1st semester) and am very happy at Sri Sri University...in my second semester now.  Back to the first fall semester...all in all, I would say I learned a lot and also feel like I have grown spiritually.  I feel much happier now and sincerely enjoy being in class.  I am no longer disturbed by the lack of structure and the lack of communication skills.  I am no longer bothered by the lack of books availability or my lack of knowledge on how to order.  I feel at peace with the ambiguity...everything is changing.  Part of living here is living the knowledge...are we present to each moment?  Can we accept people and situations as they are?  Are opposite values complimentary?  Whether success of failure, do we remain equanimous?  I would feel down after performing poorly on say a Sankskrit exam, but then realized that I can choose to maintain my equanimity in mind...my own peace of mind whether success or failure.  I also realized that not everyone will like me.  I realize here too that everything is changing and there is no need to be the football of other peoples' opinions.  I learned that the more I was involved in seva, the better I could pay attention in class and the more I was centered, grounded, and focused on helping others vs. selfishly thinking about myself or gossiping about others...either verbally or in my head.

I also found that prioritizing what I sincerely wanted to take on would bare the most fruit.  I decided to focus on studying and teaching and ended up successfully teaching one Happiness Program and one or two Sri Sri Yoga courses.  I am grateful for being able to do both.

Aside from the challenges associated with living in India and adjusting to a very different academic system, I do feel like I learned a great deal of information related to yoga.  I am grateful for the exposure to anatomy, physiology, and Sanskrit...these were somewhat new subjects all together for me.

I also am grateful for the opportunity to help shape my home, Sri Sri University.  I was able to get involved with some fun seva projects and help create our gym, and keep our campus looking beautiful.

Having Gurudev, Girin Bhaiya, Kamlesh Ji, and Kashi Bhaiya all at Sri Sri University related to the Sri Sri Yoga program was amazing.  I am also so grateful for having Bawa and Dinesh Ji here at SSU.  Just being around all of them brightened my days.  I sincerely feel happier having spent quality time with all of them.  I am truly grateful that Gurudev has prioritized the success of our university and has these true leaders within the Art of Living here at Sri Sri University.

Well, I can't forget my parents visiting me.  I was so happy that they came to visit me at Sri Sri University.  I feel blessed that my parents came half way around the world to see me in India.  I enjoyed their time here and especially enjoyed seeing the temples and visiting Puri. My favorite part about this area in general are the rivers and the ocean.  I love the water.

Well, with all this said, I am excited to think about having 1,000 students on campus next year.  We are going to have a great yoga program in 2015 and I hope I can help in some way shape the future of our school and graduates.

With lots of love.

Jai Guru Dev,

An Aspiring Yogi

2015: Happy New Year's!

So this is the first year I've ever come out of silence on the 1st day of the new year.  I'm excited to have just come out and share my thoughts from a few days of silence and meditations.  For one reason or another, I felt like the silence was too short.  I crave doing a 10 day silence course.  I've done one or two, and I love it.  I'm excited about the next opportunity to do one when school / time / life permits.

I feel like doing silence with college students had a different feel.  The atmosphere was lighter and more fun vs. deeper and more serious.  The group sattva / tattva seemed light and pleasant.  I had a good number of negative thoughts and opinions come up and I even went on a major trip of negativity.  I believe I may have hurt some people with my negative thoughts and I deeply am sorry for hurting anyone.  I am glad to have dealt with going low in tamas within the silence course.  With a guide like Dinesh Ji, I knew I would come out on top!  I am glad I did the course and am looking forward to more courses in January and February for the Upanishads and Shivatri with Gurudev.

What insights can I share from the course.  I have five advices that I made for myself that I'd love to share here.  In fact, here's my letter from deep silence I wrote to myself:
"Dear Ritesh Ji,
I want to write to you and give you five unsolicited advices.  You have a good heart and are going in the right direction.  Here are some thoughts for you.
1)  Do not feel guilty.  Things happen.  The small mind will come up with past samskaras.  Let them come.  And then let them go.  See them flowing down the river of consciousness.
2)  Be a witness.  Be a witness to the small mind.  The numerous thoughts that come and go, and just watch...just be!
3)  Be present to every moment.  Your whole life is planned out...no need to plan any more...it's all with Gurudev.
4)  Be equanimous...no matter what, do not lose your center...your cool.
5)  Be love...love everyone.  Even those with bad thoughts / negative feelings towards you.  Love them the most."

I feel like 2015 will be a great year of personal transformation.  I'll complete my first year of the MA program in Yoga, my summer internship, and finish 1/2 of my 2nd year of the MA program.  I'll have hopefully taught twelve Art of Living Happiness & / Sri Sri Yoga courses in 2015.  I'll get a chance to visit my friends and family in the US for a few weeks and come back home to Mother India.  I want to also be more selfless in 2015...serve the community, serve the students, and serve my beloved Gurudev.

So 2014 in review...what a year...I feel like I had an amazing year of transformation.  I had so many good things happen to me spiritually and in the material world.  I will speak only to the material world though.  I closed two large deals in 2014 that I really wanted to get done with AI and AP.  I also got the chance to teach about 6 AOL courses and also got my official Art of Living India teacher's code.  I also received the India AOL Teacher's manual.  I remodeled my cottage house by Mozart's Coffee Shop in Austin and built my dream sunroom with sky lights and Italian Porcelain tile.  I put in my dream granite slab counters, Whirlpool Gold Stainless Steel Appliances, etc. etc.  My cottage house was sweet, but I'm done.  I leased out the house in June and moved to India in July.  I spent a month with my beloved, Gurudev, traveling from the Bay Area, to Boone, NC, and then finally to Canada.  I feel blessed to have spent that month with him.  I hope to spend quality time with Gurudev again after I graduate either in India or in North America.  I also had my parents come visit me in India in November.  I was happy that they had the chance to see how well settled I am in India.  Well, that pretty much sums up 2014.  I stumbled a couple of times into women, but have renewed my vows as a Brahmacharya and Yogi.  I hope these wonderful women that I've met along the way of life find the love they are looking for.  I sincerely hope that if they seek marriage and children, they get what they are looking for.  Ultimately, I hope that more people will come to find the ultimate joy in divine love and the pursuit of truth.

In 2014, I finally feel like I left the nest of my parents being 3 hours away and my sister being 15 minutes away...they were great sources of comfort in my life.  I feel like my nuclear family connection is not what it was.  I'm not sad about it, and I do not have any feverishness about the distance, but I do feel like they were a beautiful part of my life for so many years.  I loved taking my niece and nephew out and seeing them so happy...they were my anti-depressant for a long time...just being with them lifted me up so much...I loved them dearly when they were young.  I still cherish the time we had together from when RNR and NER were born until I left in 2014.  I feel like I'll re-enter their life at some point when they need me.  I hope their life is smooth, but may their life be filled with LIFE and intensity, for this is how life is lived fully!  I hope to see them blossom to full potential.  I am also so grateful for my family taking courses in the Art of Living.  My niece and nephew took the Art Excel course, and my sister and Dad did the Happiness Program.  I hope in 2015, my sister and Dad will do Sahaj Samadhi meditation.

I sometimes wonder how I left behind my dream home, my 7 seater hybrid luxury SUV, a job I loved...my own independent and successful professional lifestyle, my friends and family, and what I thought was an amazing city; but I realize that being closer to Gurudev means more than anything in the material world.  I would do anything to be close to him, closer to my master, closer to my beloved Gurudev.

Love and Jai Guru Dev,

An Aspiring Yogi