From Burned out to Blissed Out in Two Days

8/19/14

Amazing how one day can change by so much...there's something about being at the ashram with the master that's beyond comprehension.  I just left Gurudev's meeting area at the ashram.  The place was magical, but most all, being right there 1x1 with the guru was amazing.  I had a chance to directly speak with Gurudev for a while.  I asked about SSU & he said to come back to him with a proposal.  I am hoping to speak with him again in September when he comes to SSU.  He also wanted me to attend the Upanayanam ceremony tomorrow & I told him I did my thread changing (Upakarma) this year.  I told him about the journey to the river and dropping the thread in the river.  I told him I loved our campus & the river there.  Kamlesh Ji was soooo sweet to setup the time with Gurudev.  There were maybe 15 of us in the room with Gurudev, mostly senior teachers / full-timers with projects.  I watched many commercials including one with our dear Mikey on his book.  There were some really funny commercials for Art of Living Happiness program.  We even have one for Care For Children that is so sweet.  

I never imagined I would get to spend so much intimate time with the master...I still can feel the vibrations of sitting right next to him...it was amazing.  I am still in awe at the fact that I was able to be so close to him.  

Towards the end, after a few folks received darshan, he called a group of guys up & I joined thinking I was part of the group...later I realized I wasn't!  Lol!  Gurudev still so graciously received me with so much love & never made me feel like I wasn't part of the group.  After a minute, I realized I wasn't, & proceeded to get a warm and loving wave from Gurudev as it was time to go.

We had a great wrap-up to the Bhagavad Gita session today. The final session was beautiful.  The way Gurudev describes the Bhagavad Gita makes you feel like Gurudev was there & can share so many different views on the same knowledge.  We had a great Satsang this evening where Gurudev was glowing with a fan blowing his hair.  He looked magical.  I fell in love all over again.

Gurudev's presence is beyond anything I can describe...simply put, we are blessed to have him with us...I hope more will come to treasure him as the Master, Guru, & divine love that he is.  He is that...and he's showing me that "you are that" too.

With love.  Jai Guru Dev

8/18/14

So today I am not feeling too well...I can sense my prana is very low due to some negativity flowing through the mind.  Today I had a repetitive thought of violence & I felt guilty & ashamed because of it.  I am at the Bangalore Ashram and just spent a frustrating day here though it was nice to see Gurudev twice.  I am frustrated by just about everything from the lock that rarely opens on our room door to the ridiculous $80/night I was charged to stay here this week...I am about done with the constant overcharging of US internationals for just about everything.  I am growing tired of the bureaucracy & the lack of support that I need to get basic things done like course refunds & transferring my teacher certifications to India.  I sincerely love Gurudev so much, but am unsure why I am not in bliss / happily dancing around with everyone at Satsang.  I just don't feel like celebrating every night.  

I am struggling with a herniated disc, postural scoliosis, & a belly that doesn't feel good.  All I really want to do is go running, play ping pong, lift weights, & do my Sadhana.  I love studying and am looking forward to being back at SSU, but am really not wanting to be back at the ashram.  I don't know why...I am beginning to wonder if it's because I have to have an honest look at myself / if it's because I have to share my Guru.  I struggle with so much here...there's definitely a war in the mind.  I struggle with waking up early, sitting straight, eating carbs all day, eating...I wonder how I could have dreamt up the ultimate love within a nightmare....I wonder when this dream gets happier & my prana level begins to stay high.

I feel the ashram is simply put, stressful...there's no silence & the accommodation is simply uncomfortable.  There's excitement with Gurudev, but I don't feel peaceful all the time.

I think I just simply need a break from the Guru.  I like his company in more intimate environments, but also simply like my own company.  I would love to be truly close to him, but am unsure how when my mind is acting like a crazy guy that he & his closest ones probably want to keep me away from...

I can only wonder...wishing for peace, happiness, equanimity, & dispassion.  Hoping to find some peace in this crazy dream I am having...may I wake up & realize the ethereal existence & meet the self.

Love & Jai Guru Dev,

A burned out devotee...

Treasured Knowledge Over Time

Some selected favorites of knowledge that I've captured over the past year / two from Gurudev... 

Knowledge 

Wisdom is your quality of consciousness. - Guru Poornima 

7/12/14

Just be simple, easy, and relaxed. If you don’t have a complicated mind, you won’t have bad thoughts. Just observe the mind and relax. - Sri Sri Ravi Shankar

All desires are for happiness. That is the goal of desire, isn't it? How often does your desire lead you to the goal? But have you thought about the nature of desire? It simply means tomorrow, and not now, isn't it? Joy is never tomorrow. It is always now. 

How can you have desires when you are joyful? And how can you really be joyful now when you have desires? Desire appears to lead you to happiness. In fact it cannot. And that is why it is Maya. What do you say?

Buddha said that desire is the cause of all misery. If your desire does not get fulfilled, it leads to frustration and causes misery. Even if it does get fulfilled, it leaves you empty. 

Vashishhtha said that desire is the cause of pleasure. You get pleasure from an object or a person only when you desire them. When you do not desire an object, you do not get pleasure from it. For example, when a person is hot and thirsty, a sip of cold water gives him pleasure; but not if he is not thirsty. Whatever gives you pleasure binds you and bondage is misery. 

Sri Sri says when you desire for truth, all other desires drop off. You always desire for something that is not there. But, truth is always there! Desire for truth removes all other desires and it itself dissolves. And what remains is bliss.

From whomever you receive love, just know that it from the Divine. You are getting love from the one supreme energy. 

Your affection is also is toward that one energy only, and you are simply receiving its love through this person or that person. Know this and relax. 

Whether that person is true or false, right or wrong, don’t fall into these traps of the mind. 

If you get sunlight through the window, then you know that the light is coming from the sun. It is not the light of the window. So just understand this much and relax.

Q: I often talk to you in my heart. How do I satisfy myself that my words have reached you? 

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: My job is not to satisfy you but to make you restless to get the highest knowledge. In that restlessness, you achieve awareness.

When you are stuck with cravings and desires, then you do not get the power to bless others. But when you become so content from within and feel that ‘I do not want anything’, then a great power dawns from within you, and you become able to fulfill not only your own desires, but the desires of others around you as well. 

You know, in airports and railway stations there are lounges, and in a lounge, what do you do?

You keep your luggage and start eating. You use the bathroom and freshen-up; but you don’t open your suitcase and hang your clothes all over the place. 

You don’t do that in a transit lounge. You keep your things packed.

So this world is just a transit lounge. Don’t mistake it to be your home.

The mind that is seeking pleasure cannot be centered. You either seek pleasure or come to me. When you are centered, all pleasures come to you anyway, but they are no longer pleasures. They lose their charm. 

The mind that seeks pleasure can never achieve the highest. If you are after pleasure, forget about Satsang. Why are you wasting your time? This is the Art of Living.

If you are enjoying your suffering, then you also cannot be centered and you are far away from the path.

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: First of all, let us understand that spirituality is not something that is out there, that is going to come into you. We are all made up of matter and spirit. 

Our body is made up of carbohydrate, protein, amino acids, etc. Our spirit is made up of compassion, care, commitment, love and distortions of it, like anger. All these qualities. Nurturing the human values, the qualities in you, is spirituality. It is seeing life from a broader perspective, i.e., 'I am not just flesh and bones, but I am scintillating energy. I am a fountain of love. I am feelings. I am intelligence. I am thoughts'. 

This identification with our consciousness is what spirituality is. It doesn't take a long time for you to invoke the spirituality inside you. You simply have to see your life from a bigger perspective. Look at this planet, it is huge; unfathomable. From billions of years it has been in existence. And what’s our life of 70-80 years in comparison to this? See your life from the context of space and time and you will see how tiny your life is. At the same time, go deep into it. Go deep into meditation and you will find, 'Wow, there is so much energy. I am this beautiful energy. My thought has power, my emotions have power, and I am a part of everybody!'. 

This feeling that you are part of the entire living species is what exactly spirituality is. That connectedness with the entire universe brings you enormous strength.

Don’t get into collecting things. Grasp the knowledge that is being given. Don’t bother about getting some piece of clothing, or some object of mine. Drop that. There is such deep knowledge being given. Grasp the knowledge, because that stays with you for many lifetimes

Effort on the path brings limited progress based on time...to overcome negative thought & emotions look to the effortless aspect beyond time (sat / truth / Atma - all else being maya) - the answer to overcoming negativity lies within this statement

Viparyaya - when they are cooking in their own mind - activity of chitta - when people feel they are not being loved

Vikalpa - fantasy

‘Look my dear, what you are doing will hurt you. So don’t do it. I am telling you this out of love and compassion for you, so please do not make this mistake because it is going to hurt you even more’. 

every time before having food “Annadatta Sukhi Bhavva” which says, Blessings to the Farmer, Businessmen and the Lady, who in kitchen makes the food.

Sanathana Dharma - eternally valid values 

‘Annadaata Sukhi Bhavah’ (May the provider of my food be blessed with peace and prosperity)

The wise one knows that he owns the sun, the moon, the stars, the air, all of space and the Divine in its entirety

Be passionate to serve when you are happy. Have dispassion when you are miserable, and be compassionate all the time

Are you selfish, egotistical, & judgmental or are you selfless, loving, & unassuming?  Listen to what's not being said & build your awareness & intuition.

If you are loving, then you are welcome everywhere in the world. If you feel and be one with people anywhere you go, then people are ready to do anything for you - Sri Sri.

Q: How do we let go of unpleasant memories and limitations?

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: Accept the past as it was, be dispassionate and centered, do service and Be in the presence of Divine company.

The four Pillars of Knowledge 

The four Pillars of Knowledge

You have heard “Everything is God. There is nothing outside of God.”. Then why is this not your experience? This is a fundamental question. Why is God not an experiential reality for you?

To reach the self, there are four major tools, the four Pillars of Knowledge:

The first one is calledg Viveka. Viveka is grossly translated as discrimination, but it’s not just discrimination. Viveka is the understanding or observation that everything is changing. Whatever you consider as stationary or solid is neither stationary nor solid. Everything is changing. Existence is an ever changing reality.

Our own bodies are changing. Every minute new cells are born and old cells are dying. Every time you breathe, old energy goes out and new energy comes in. Our body is a bundle of atoms and atoms are always disintegrating. Our thoughts and emotions are changing. You are not the same person you were yesterday. You cannot maintain the same degree of happiness or sadness all the time. It fluctuates. Emotions, feelings, view points are all changing.

But there is something different from all this that is not changing. The one who is observing the change is non-changing, otherwise how can one recognize the change? The reference point to recognize change has to be non-changing. Discriminating between that which is not changing, and everything else which is ever changing is “Viveka”. Understanding that everything in this world is changing would reduce 99% of the misery in this world.

The second pillar is called Vairagya. Vairagya is translated as Dispassion. Behind every misery there is hope. Hope is the fuel for miserable people. There is deep desire for some joy in the future: If I change my town, I will be happy. If I change my relationship, or my job, or my company, I will be happier. People who are single think they will be happy if they get married. Married people think they were better off when they were single. A child thinks when he/she grows up and goes to college they will happy. A college student says “Once I get a job I will be happy”. A manager says “When I become the director I will be happy” Postponing happiness sometime in the future can make you miserable right now.

Pleasure can also tire you. How long can you look at something beautiful? Eventually you will get tired of it; your eyelids will fall off. How long can you smell a beautiful fragrance? People working in the perfume factories are sick of perfumes. If you like donuts, how many can you stuff through your mouth? How much ice-cream can you enjoy? Music- how much can you hear? Touching, and being touched, how long can you enjoy? The world is full of pleasure for the five senses, but the senses have their limitations. But the mind wants endless joy. An attitude of “So what! Let it be, whatever” takes away the feverishness in you and brings you to that pillar of dispassion.

Dispassion is NOT apathy! Often we think dispassion means being unenthusiastic, depressed and not interested in anything. This is not dispassion! Dispassion is lack of feverishness. Dispassion is full of activity and enthusiasm, yet devoid of feverishness. Dispassion towards the enjoyments of the five sense or the spiritual enjoyment, towards the seen and the unseen, the outer world or the inner world, is the second pillar of knowledge.

The third pillar consists of the Six Wealths. The Vedas have mentioned six types of Wealths: Shama, Dama, Uparati, Titiksha, Shraddha, and Samadhana.

The first wealth is Shama. Shama is tranquility of the mind. When the mind wants to do too many things, it gets completely scattered. When shama is established, you are able to focus and your mind is more alert. When dispassion is firmly established, shama automatically starts happening, the mind is tranquil.

The second wealth is Dama. Dama means control over senses, the ability to have a say over one’s senses. May times you don’t want to say something, yet you do. Many times you don’t want to look at something, yet you look anyways. You decided you are full and you will not eat anymore. Then some nice food is served, and it smells so good that you go ahead and take a bite, and another. Soon, to your surprise, you find that you have stuffed in more than your tummy can take. Having Dama, you are not carried away by our senses. You will say “Yes” or “No” to the senses, not the other way around.

The third wealth is Titiksha. Titiksha means endurance or forbearing. When difficult things come, forbearance allows you to go on without getting completely shaken. In life, some pleasant events happen, some unpleasant events happen. So what! None of them stay forever. Health comes and sickness comes. Moods come and go. Profits come and losses come. People come and go in life. Titiksha is not getting shaken by what happens. Of ten what is unpleasant can become pleasant later on. What you thought was very bad, later on was found to be very good for you. It made you strong. Understanding this helps not hanging on to the past and not judging events as good or bad. The ability to not get carried away by the events is Titiksha. When you play a game, winning and loosing is a part of it. The game has more value when it is a little tough. If you already knew who will win the game, you will loose interest in the game. Look at life as a game. Just turn back and look at all the difficult situations you have gone through in life. In spite of it all, you are complete today. The difficulties could not destroy you. They only made you stronger. You are more powerful than them.

The fourth wealth is Uparati. Uparati means rejoicing in your own nature, being with your nature. Often you are not with your nature, you or doing things because someone else says or does something. Often people do things for approvals from others. Being in the present moment, being the joy that you are, the ability to rejoice in anything that you do, that is Uparati. Letting go of everything, being playful is Uparati, and then taking everything seriously is also Uparati. These are completely opposite values, but taking them together, living them together, that is Uparati.

The fifth wealth is Shraddha. Shraddha means faith. Faith is needed when you have found the limit of your knowledge. You know something this far, and you don’t know anything beyond that. Your willingness to know the unknown is Shraddha, the faith. If your mind is fixed, and says “That’s it. I know it all”, that is ego. The more you know, the more will be the feeling that you don’t know. Recognition of the unknown is Shraddha. Faith in your self, faith in the Master, faith in the Divine, faith in the infinite order of things, faith in that love of infinity, is Shraddha. Observe the nature of doubt. Doubt is always about something positive. When someone says, “I love you”, you doubt asking “Really”? But when someone says, “I hate you, I am angry at you”, then you don’t doubt it, you don’t ask “Really?”. Doubt the negative, and be confident of the positive. Without faith, it would be like someone saying, “First let me learn how to swim, then I will get into the water”. You have to get into the water to learn swimming. The entire world works on faith. For example, any system, whether a credit card system, airlines, banks, even a medical system, although there is no guarantee, there is a high probability that everything will work the way it is meant to. If there could be 100 percent probability, then there would be no need of faith. When there is less than 100 percent probability, that means the result is not knowledge, it is based on faith.

The sixth wealth is Samadhana. Samadhana means being at ease, being content. How do you feel when you are at ease? How does it feel when you are totally at ease, calm and serene? Being at ease with you, at ease with the people and situations around you, with the whole existence, is Samadhana. This is a great wealth by itself.These six wealths together form the third pillar.

The fourth pillar is called Mumukshatva. Mumukshatva is the desire for the highest, a desire for total freedom, for enlightenment, whatever you want to call it. First of all you can desire something only when you feel it is possible for you. When you think it is not possible, then you cannot even desire it. When you think enlightenment is not possible for you, then slowly you eliminate the possibility, and then the next possibility, and then the next. Mumukshatva is present when there is a deep desire for the highest, a burning desire, a longing for the Divine.

When there is a desire in someone to learn, it should come from within. Don’t think you have to attain it. Think you already have it. To some degree, to some extent, you have all the six wealths also. If you put a little more attention on them, they become stronger and more solid in you. The pillars are already there, you only have to make them stronger, build them a little higher.

|| Jai Guru Dev ||

             

   

Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I have the belief that I can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.

 ― Mahatma Gandhi

Sattvic intellect is seeing that there is one thing, one truth, one reality, one consciousness that is underneath the whole creation. When this truth is well lodged in the mind though you see the differences, dwell in differences, you will be unshaken. ~ Sri Sri

I am not the body; I am bliss, satchitananda; I am unbounded space; I am love; I am peace; I am light.

Feel blessed 

Yoga is uniting...unity - body, mind / intellect, and breath. 

Ask the divine for forgiveness each day.

Ask the divine "may I do some good with these hands today."

5 knowledge points:

1. Accept people & situations as they are

2. Opposite values are complimentary

3. Do not be the football of other people's opinions 

4. Do not see intention behind other people's mistakes

5. The present moment is inevitable

5 principles:

1. Forgiveness

2. Sincerity

3. Compassion

4. Contentment

5. Truth

Gurur Brahma Gurur Vishnu 

Gurur Devo Mahesh Varaha

Guru Sak shat param Brahma

Thusme shree guruve namaha

My First Upakarma

Today I did my first Upakarma.  Beatiful ceremony with so much grace.  We did a homa puja and all repeated specific mantras, parts from the Sandhya Pooja.  I took my old sacred threads to the river bordering campus, about a 2 km walk from central campus.  The prana that flowed through during the ceremony was amazing.  I think having all of us doing the pooja together created an amazing energy and experience.  Looking forward to doing my 1,008 mantras tomorrow.

Here's a picture from the foot journey walk on our 180 acre campus to the river.  Beautiful cows and birds along the way...

Here's a view of the river along the edge of campus...an amazing walk.

and finally, here's the place where I dropped off my sacred threads to celebrate a year gone by...until next year.

Love & Jai Guru Dev

First Week at Sri Sri University

Hope you enjoy...kind of relaxing and slow...not too much excitement just yet!

First Week at Sri Sri University

It’s been exactly one week that I’ve been on campus here at Sri Sri University.  It’s been a very relaxing induction into student life.  The Masters program got delayed by one month so I’ve been just helping out and studying in my free time.  I’m enjoying the seva activities and meeting all of the students.

The amazing thing is how nice everyone is.  The students here are so kind and sweet.  The students seem very innocent.  The MBA students appear to be having a blast, which is fun to see.  I’ve been playing ping pong with the boys just about every evening.  I bought the students new paddles and balls…secret seva is a lot of fun J

The campus here is just getting started.  The campus reminds me of old photos of the Bangalore Ashram 20 or 25 years ago.  The 180 acre campus here is mostly bare land along the river.  We have about 7 or 8 buildings on campus including two good sized hostels (dorms) that each have about 80 rooms among 5 or 6 floors.  The students seem very happy with the campus setup.  I have been getting used to the heat and rain.  I think my body actually likes that I’m not constantly in A/C.  My room does not have A/C, so I have the ceiling fan on full blast!  I have been learning lessons like not to keep food in my room as ants love food!  I’ve also been drinking 2 to 4 liters of water per day to account for all of the sweating!  I’ve been taking 3 to 4 showers / day which takes up most of my day ;-)  I now love the cold water baths.  We don’t have hot water in the boys hostel.  I use a bucket and a cup to take my baths…this must sound very foreign to most Americans.  At first, over the first few days, I missed the creature comforts of the US like my Central A/C and heat in the house and car.  I missed the comfort of driving everywhere with my main exercise coming from Pure Austin, our local Austin gym.  Here, I’m actually setting up the gym on the top floor of our hostel.  We currently only have two dumb-bells and a very basic bench press.  I’m hoping to setup a whole new wing of the hostel with sweet gym equipment; and really get folks in shape!  I’ve been running every other day or so and like to get in a good sweat at night.  I feel great walking around campus and really enjoy the natural beauty.  I can just see our university looking like the Bangalore Ashram in 10 years.  Many buildings will hopefully come up including an engineering school and a medical school.  We’ll hopefully have a café and a bookstore, paved roads, and recycling to name a few things.  I have heard we’ve had a ton of progress over the past 4 years, so am excited to see what the next few years entail. 

I feel so lucky to spend time with Bawa and Dinesh Ji here at Sri Sri University.  They seem so accessible.  I just walk in to their office / usually just see them walking around campus.  They are so humble and accessible.  One night, I just stopped running and started talking to both of them while they were walking.  I didn’t even think to ask if they were busy / if I could speak with them.  They are so chill and laid back it’s nice to be around them.  They both seem very busy though, so it’s not always easy to catch them. 

My current seva projects include managing the remodel of the Yoga Hostel and classrooms, getting our gym setup, and getting some materials together to potentially teach Pricing and Financial Independence.  We’ll see what opportunities come up.  I would love to teach our BBA & MBA students financial independence via Rich Dad Poor Dad and Cash Flow 101.  I think the business students should also know pricing strategy, so I’ll teach if asked.

I was feeling a little home sick and missed the comforts of living in the US until I shared a rickshaw with a new faculty member here.  We headed into town and I fell in love with all of the life that’s found in India.  With 1.2B people, you feel like every town center’s NYC.  There are people everywhere.  A traffic jam in India doesn’t just involve cars; it includes pedestrians, bicycles, scooters, motorcycles, trucks, cars, and cows.  There’s also a plethora of horn honking and scents.  It’s quite a festival of sorts.  I fall in love with India every time I get in a rickshaw.  It’s like the country comes alive with so many people everywhere.

Regarding nature, I’ve had my fair share of life just about everywhere including my bed!  I’ve seen many ants, mosquitos, lizards, dogs, and cows.  While walking to my yoga hostel, I ended up walking through a large group of something…sheep / goats…the shepherd was this wiry old guy that looked like someone out of a novel.

I’ve been studying Sanskrit every day and am mostly just getting the near 50 letters down for now.  I’m about half way through the alphabet.  Talk about a night and day difference vs. English.  English seems like a cake walk compared to Sanskrit. 

I’m also loving The Supreme Yoga - Yoga Vasistha.  I’m reading and re-reading every day…so much meaning exists even in one page.

Well, I’m hoping to get in amazing shape by the time class starts on September 9^th.  I’m doing Padma Sadhana two to three times / day and will hopefully start Sri Sri Yoga as soon as I get a yoga mat.  I’m doing my Padma Sadhana on the mattress on my floor.   

On the subject of food, to keep my Mom happy, I’ll write about it…it’s been ok…a lot of carbs!  On many mornings, I’ll have roti / chapatti & breakfast rice with pickle (chutney).  For lunch we get a nice vegetable dish, rice, chapatti, and daal (lentil soup).  I’ve been skipping dinner as it’s served at 8:30pm.  If I eat 3 meals / day, my stomach gets upset…Gurudev says that by age 40, one meal / day is enough.  I think eating 3 meals / day is just too taxing on the system, though I’m a little hungry right now, but I’d rather have no food in my room than ants!  I bought a ton of fruits yesterday while we were on the rickshaw ride and found a ton of new roommates!  I had to kill my new roommates, the ants, by the grace of Indian Windex…potent stuff.  I know, I know…didn’t feel great killing the ants, but it’s either their death, of my swollen body with ant bites! 

So that’s it so far…I’m loving my unstructured days, my near full sadhana each day, studying Sanskrit and yoga, exploring the 180 acre campus by foot, and playing ping pong with the MBA students.  I’m looking forward to spending more time with our local Swami Ji and doing more Guru Poojas’.  Gurudev will be here September 3^rd for the inauguration speech!

Love & Jai Guru Dev,

Four Silence Courses with the Master in One Month

I'll start off with pure gratitude.  I am so grateful for this time with Gurudev.  I started my road trip to California on June 19th.  I remember driving away from my dream home that I had remodeled just 9 months ago.  I had hand picked everything in my cottage house by Mozart's, a coffee shop on Lake Austin, from the hard wood floors to the allergen filters I wanted.  I thought I was done...then the email came...the next Art of Living Course was possibly my final departure from Austin.  The course is a two year Master's Degree program in Yoga at Sri Sri University in India.  I signed up immediately as I often did for whatever came my way from The Art of Living.

On June 19th, I said my goodbyes to my parents, sister and her family.  I hit the road for San Diego with everything I had left, about three luggage bags, after letting a fellow meditator hold onto all of my stuff.

I love being on the road.  I was about to see H.H. Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, my Master, Teacher, and Guru within a week!  I was so excited.  I did my morning Sadhana & hit the road.  I popped in the Yoga Vashishta audio CDs and listened...and day dreamed.

My first stop was an old friend of over 25 years, Will Wyatt, in San Diego.  I had a nice time meeting him and his wife Jill and their three beautiful little daughters...true angels.  They were excited about building their dream home overlooking the Pacific Ocean in Point Loma.   We had a good time, but on I went.

I met several old friends and family  along the way and was happy to see their family life and material worldly success.  I had a feeling of compassion for their being stuck in the hamster wheel of life with bills to pay, mouths to feed, and desires to continue chasing after.  At one point I learned a valuable lesson when a dear friend took me to the Newport Country Club...a lesson I will carry.  I was reminded of what Gurudev has often said...he says to always have a sense of belongingness with everyone no matter where you are...whether among the homeless or the wealthy...the happy or the miserable, for the world belongs to you.

On June 26th, 2014, I picked up a fellow meditator and friend on the path, Vyom Kumar from the airport.  We checked into the Marriott in Santa Clara and were excited about meeting the Guru.  The next day the course started & we met Gurudev during one of our first meditations.  I was so excited to see Gurudev, I chased after him and joined a group of about 30 people known as Guru Chasers!  I did a lot of Guru chasing in the Bay Area and Boone.

The first silence course was challenging...I often felt spacey and tuned out from Gurudev's voice after a few minutes.  I felt many negative thoughts and emotions coming up, but also many moments of peace and rest.  I battled my body pain from postural scoliosis in my thoracic vertebrae and a herniated disc in my C6 vertebrae; but no matter the pain, I persisted.  I knew the body pain was just a mind trick; and the mind & spirit can easily heal the body.

On the last day of silence, I had to leave early for my drive home before heading out for my flight to Boone, NC from Houston, where my folks live.  I was a little disappointed about not speaking to Gurudev yet, so I approached John Osborne, a senior teacher that's been with Gurudev since the late 80s' and got his blessing.  John Osborne had a charming smile as I walked away...like he knew something I didn't.  As I was walking out the door with all of my stuff, I saw Gurudev walking with a large group of devotees.  I immediately dropped all of my stuff and proceeded to chase after Gurudev.  As I got close, I found myself side-by-side next to Gurudev.  He smiled at me and I said, "Gurudev, I have to leave early and want to get your darshan (blessing).  Can I get your blessing?"  He tapped me on my head with his finger that felt like pure love.  I then proceeded to fully take advantage of this time, these few moments I had with the master...I said, "Gurudev, can I get your blessing for my move to India?"  He said, "oh, why are you going to India?"  When he says "oh" your heart just skips a beat...he's so full of love.  I replied, "I am going to Sri Sri University to pursue my Masters in Yoga."  He said, "what's your name?"  I was so happy I just said "Ritesh"...not even sure how to pronounce my last name correctly to Gurudev...I then said, "Can I get your blessing to study & then come serve you?"  What he said, lit me up with enthusiasm :-). He said "yes yes good."  I was off...I peeled away just as quickly as I found myself next to him.  I was so happy I could have jumped off the walls...and I was off for my 24 hour road trip to see my parents.

After unloading my truck at my parents house, I spent a day with them before catching my flight to Charlotte, North Carolina to see my beloved again.  I was anxious as I wasn't sure if I even had a place to sleep.  I booked a rental car as I was arriving early on July 2nd.  To my delight, I was joined by three other hard core full-timers on the path.  We had a fun time and I was amazed at their depth and enthusiasm.  I was attracted to one of the girls with us for a brief moment, but told myself that I was a warrior on this path and fully dedicated to my master.  I had renewed my vow as a Bhramacharya, a celibate constantly abiding in the divine.  To my surprise and delight, I found out this young 23 year looking woman was actually married and had been married for 17 years!  Go figure, our Shankara products coupled with a Sattvic Ayurvedic diet & daily Sadhana, really do keep people looking 20 or 30 years younger.  I was amazed and happy for her.  What was also interesting was both of the guys I was with with were genuinely happily married, not something I see often.

We finally arrived in Boone, NC at our heavenly retreat center that was formerly run by the TM movement...the Art of Living was lucky and smart to have purchased the dilapidated retreat center out of an auction for a great price..from what I heard.  Volunteers for months turned the place into heaven...so many hours of tireless labors of love (seva) were put into the Ashram.  The place looked amazing.  The best part was that evening I got to see Gurudev again at Satsang.  I proceeded to see Gurudev every day from July 2nd until July 22nd when he left from Montreal to Germany.

I registered for the Ayurveda Conference and proceeded to attend many sessions and do seva in my free time.  I struggled with group Sadhana, as I prefer my own company, but loved the prana and energy from the massive Maharishi Meditation Hall and the Master himself.
The Ayurveda conference was a great chance to go deep into meditation and catch up on much needed rest.  Unfortunately, the meditation hall has so much prana in it from years of TM meditations that I would just shut my eyes and be taken to another world....it's amazing!  I also loved the fact that my Master was close by.  What I found interesting is that, of all the presentations, Gurudev's was the most engaging.  I fell asleep during so many others, but the way Gurudev gives a talk, it just grips you and you're left disappointed when he stops talking.  I loved my evenings with him in Satsangs singing and crying with heart-felt tears of gratitude.

I found myself Guru chasing again in Boone and ended up right beside him walking down to his Kutir (cottage house).  I felt so contented in bliss, I forgot to speak...so he said, "how are you?"  I said, "Gurudev, I am wonderful."  He said, "didn't I see you in DC?"  I said, "no Gurudev, you saw me in Bay Area."  I told him, "Gurudev, I am so happy I spoke to you and am good for two years."  He smiled and I peeled away as he walked into his Kutir.  He said to everyone, "thank you all for walking me home and dropping me off."  We all laughed in love.

I happily returned to my silence course.  One of the rules in silence is that the only person you are allowed to break your silence with is the Guru himself.

I love Boone and had so much fun with so many friends there...my TTC (Teacher Training Course) and Austin AOL (Art of Living) family among many others...I even saw some Vedic Wisdom buddies from our time in Bangalore.  The silence was difficult with so many dear friends to give hugs to and smile at.  I was told I'd have better silence in Canada.

On July 13th at 4am, four of us piled into my rental car and we headed to Charlotte airport.  We reached Montreal and parted ways.  I was taking the shuttle to the Ashram while the rest were watching some soccer finals...I think watching sports is really boring and Gurudev even says, "why not just give each player a ball and let them be happy?"  I couldn't agree more!  He also says that the world watches because everyone is so fascinated at the players present moment awareness.  This awareness is so rare that many are glued to seeing the present moment awareness of the player.  This reminded me of a book I just finished today called Way of the Peaceful Warrior...an amazing read!  If you don't like to read, at least watch the movie, Peaceful Warrior.

I checked in for my 3rd and 4th silence courses in a small town just two hours or so from Montreal.  The Ashram there is one of my favorites less the mosquitoes!  We have a beautiful pond and a beautiful lake there hence the bugs.  They bug me!  One of many aversions to overcome.

I found myself fully contented from my time with Gurudev.  I started to wonder if I was a true Gopi...why wasn't I chasing after Gurudev.  I found a lot of peace and happiness in my deep silence as I didn't know that many Canadians there.  We had a handful of Americans there, mostly full-timers &/ senior teachers.  They are distracting to me for one reason or another.  I find the senior teachers inspiring and have great curiosity as to how they got on the path and how they walk the path with such awareness and consciousness.  I know they are in the field of consciousness...this mysterious field and this other world is unknown to most of the material sensory world that's sleep-walking.

As I settled into seva and meditations I found many vasanas still coming up. I found myself surrendering these to the river of consciousness and telling myself to be happy a midst the chaos in the small mind.  I went deeper and deeper into silence and began to finally follow the breath in hollow and empty meditations.  I found peace in our beautiful meditation hall on the water.  Towards one of my last days at the Ashram, I promised a dear friend, Natasha, I would go swimming in the lake.  My back and herniated disc were feeling better, so I decided to give it a shot.  I put on my trunks and felt like a million bucks as I dove into the lake.  As I dove in, I noticed a lady floating on her back and decided that would be my safety net in case I couldn't swim out to a floating dock we had in the lake.  Little did I know how far out that dock was.  I don't recommend trying to swim out to the dock unless you're a good swimmer / have a life vest.  I got winded multiple times and thank god I knew how to take a break and do a back float.  I hung out with a few teenagers on the floating dock and did a sun salutation.  It felt so good to feel my body again and feel the sun's rays.  Amazing how we begin to become one with nature when we are in silence.  The mind truly begins to stop it's chattering as we begin listening from a space of equanimity.  After I caught my breath, I dove back into the lake and started swimming for shore.  I felt like a warrior again and completely forgot about my herniated disc / postural scoliosis until the next day!

On the 22nd at 1pm, our love, Gurudev, left for Germany.  I waited for three hours & finally got his darshan.  I was happy to get his blessings, but sad to see him go.

I remember my mind saying as if it were him speaking to me:  "you come close to me and I'll come close to you."  So here I am, flying back to the US from Montreal and getting ready to embark on my journey to India in two days.

May this life be filled with joy and love. May we all be connected to him for he represents what we can all aspire to become:  unconditional love for all, belongingness beyond imagination, the infinite consciousness and the unbounded space.  You are that.  You are love.

Love & Jai Guru Dev,

All of us...

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A Desire Fulfilled Over and Over

So I have slept with KG now many times.  Tonight was the first time that I realized that I'm done.  I have continued to do the same thing over and over again with women.  I get saturated from the sense stimulation and then retreat back into the self.  KG is so kind and so nice, that I feel bad letting her down, but I need to be honest with her.  This decision is more about my simple saturation of pleasure and the realization that too much stimulation is misery.  I have enjoyed her company and feel that she has an amazing journey ahead.  She's spiritually curious and will grow in consciousness.

I'll have her read this one day, but am not sure to share this yet.  Ok, enough about her.

This vicious cycle of desire and saturation I believe occurs as a result of the man losing his life energy, his prana in ejaculation with a woman / by himself.  I have realized that no matter how many times a day you have sex / with however many women, the desire / craving is never fully satisfied indefinitely...this desire for sex IS a craving.  The desire for sex is an ancient impression.  How do we truly let go of this desire as a happening?  I'm going to see how long I can let go of this desire and let KG know I need a little "spiritual solitude" for some time.  I hope she understands.  My true desire is to be free of the craving all together.  To me, being free, is truly being free of ALL cravings and aversions.  Gurudev has said that when we let go of our cravings, our aversions will also drop off.

I think the Sandhya Vandana Pooja is an instrument to help us open up to the field of consciousness and also alleviate the craving for sex that we innately have.  I will make a concerted effort to do my daily Sandhya each day three times / day.

I am going to stop reading the Taoist book on sexual technique and go back to reading about the 4% Universe.  I'm also going to stop shaving.  I am ready to turn back inwards and continue this journey towards self-realization.

In Loving Kindness.

Jai Guru Dev,

An Aspiring Yogi  

A Gut Feeling

So I've been overcome with desire and feel that this desire is not for companionship / an emotional connection, but rather, pure lust.  As soon as the feeling leaves the body, no desire for company of the other / their thoughts / emotions is wanted.  How do we alleviate this desire?  I believe this desire is less physiological and more mental.  The mind has so many impressions and holds on to what may be lacking in this material life.  Also, I believe that a space contains impressions.  I also wonder if a lifetime has certain lessons and contains lessons.  How do we overcome this desire?  I am beginning to believe that desire can be overcome in deep Sadhana and service.  The less we think of ourselves, the more we can think of Him and the more we can think about being of service to others.

I also wonder how much of our small minded desire stems from habit.  From the same space day in and day out with the same small mindedness, sometimes I think the mind, body, and spirit need a jolt!  We need to sound the conch as is described by Gurudev in Ch. 1 of the Bhagavad Gita.  So it's time to change the daily habits.  I think by sleeping on the floor & engaging in more Sandhyavandana Pooja, this lust can be alleviated.  I'll follow-up with findings soon.  Love & Jai Guru Dev.