Witnessing Sickness

Lately, I’ve noticed that my Mom has an irritation / frustration / some stress in her voice.  She uses the words, you “should” a lot and seems to want to direct others with her ideas.  I believe her mind races, but with good intention.  She enjoys a large circle of friends, planning events, and religious activities.  My parents both have always enjoyed socializing.  I believe this has kept them really mentally healthy and emotionally centered.  

My Mom seems to carry some stress or frustration in her voice.  This dissolved when she got COVID.  A sense of surrender and helplessness arose.  Her desire to direct others / influence others fell off.  A sense of surrender blossomed.  A kind humility surfaced in her voice.  A tone in her voice radiated some calm and peace at the surrender involved in simply “letting go.”  She no longer felt the need to control the outcome / situation, to influence others, or fight my Dad on something.  She no longer had to battle her own inner demons.  She simply had to focus on her health.  No other stresses to worry about.  All she has to do is let go.

Is this what we witness in everyday life?  We’re constantly striving for one thing or another.  We want a better job, or nicer home, or more time with our loved ones / beloved Gurudeva.  We are chasing / striving / wanting to do more, accomplish more, discover more, attain more, more, more, more…we are constantly seeking.  When we are confronted by our own lack of control, I believe we let go.  The seeking stops, the desire to influence, to attain, or any other ambition, simply falls off.

As a dear friend once said to me, we have this innate desire to “contribute.”  We want to feel as though our life has an impact on others, the community, society.  How can we find balance in selfless service, fruitless service to others, and witnessing.  I believe the key here is witnessing.  How do we find the space?  How do we simply let go.  

As my Mom’s health returns, I suspect she will busy herself and resume her social activities and getting along with my Dad after 54 years of marriage.  As her normal routines return, I wonder how she can maintain that sense of humble surrender as her state of mind.  I wonder if she wants to.  I wonder if she even realizes it.  

How do we let go…

In humble surrendering,

An Aspiring Yogi.