On Desire...Again!

So I've been having trouble letting go of desire / lust / cravings for sex.  I feel completely fulfilled and independent and grateful for the life I have, but I still have desire surface sometimes.  For this reason, I recently shaved a beard I loved.  All for self-gratification / pleasure.  I have been blessed to receive such beautiful knowledge below, but still don't know why this lower desire exists.  I wonder if it's the foods we eat / the impressions from past lives.  

I completely shaved off my beard a few days ago and had a date today.  The lady was so sweet, beautiful and enjoyable to be around...but, I don't see myself with her long term.  She's fit as can be, blonde and blue-eyed.  She would be amazing to be with, but I don't want to hurt her.  I'll be completely honest with her and see where things go.  At this point in my life and spiritual journey, I don't think I could seduce a woman into sex and then tell her that it's not going to work out.  I used to have a bad habit of doing this to women.  This time, I think I'll take the higher road and simply tell her that I am very attracted to her, think she's amazing, but simply don't feel like I could be with her from an emotional / heart-centered / romantically loving space.  I think it's amazing how quickly we can determine if we are going to be able to be emotionally invested or not.  Maybe I'm way too quick to judge.  For now, I'll be completely honest with her before I touch her in any way.  We'll see...today's blog entry and desire to write came based on some beautiful knowledge that a dear friend of mine shared from our beloved Gurudev...

Q: Sometimes I wonder, I have so many unending desires and you keep on fulfilling them. This makes me smile. How to get rid of hankering over desires Gurudev?

Sri Sri Ravi Shankar: You know your desires are getting fulfilled, that is enough. Be busy in fulfilling the desires of others, not your own desires.

See, what is the significance of the Guru Discipline Tradition? It is for the Disciple to realize that desires are endless. ‘Like the waves of the ocean desires keep coming one after the other. That is why I must keep my desires aside and do as per the Guru desires. ’
When you do this then the mind becomes hollow and empty and you start feeling a sense of lightness. Life then moves beyond joy and sorrow, and all craving and aversion automatically disappear.
This is the only way to remove cravings and aversions.

That is why it is said, ‘Na Guror Adhikam, Na Guror Adhikam, Na Guror Adhikam’ (There is nothing greater than Guru, there is nothing greater than Guru, there is nothing greater than Guru because Guru is the embodiment of all that is greatest.)

So leave everything on the Guru, and surrender to the Guru.
Fulfillment cannot be achieved through desires because if one desire is fulfilled another one comes, and if that is fulfilled another one comes. And then the mind keeps wandering between desires. Some desire or another will keep troubling your mind day and night.
Do you know, if there is anything in this world that troubles you, the topmost on the list is your own mind!
I am saying topmost because you do not see this. You feel that someone else is bothering you. You think your mother in law is troubling you, or your daughter-in-law is troubling you, or your wife or husband is troubling you. Keep all that as second on the list.
It is your own mind which is troubling you; there is no other enemy out there. Once you realize this you will understand that it is not the other, all the botherations are of the mind. 

-Sri Sri

A Month at the Bangalore Ashram

Just back from a little over a month at the Bangalore Ashram…I had an amazing time and can’t wait to hopefully go back this Fall.  I received Darshan from Gurudev three times.  Simply amazing.

I arrived on January 29^th and started doing my Netra eye treatments at the Panchakarma Spa and Resort (http://www.srisripanchakarma.org) right next to the Bangalore Ashram.  After just 12 days, my eye sight prescription improved by 1 point.  I went from a -3.5 to a -2.5 power.  The eye doctor there thought I was too old to see any improvement and was so happy when I improved by a point.  The eye treatments and exercises coupled with the Ayurveda café are a treat.  The 12 day treatment was like a vacation.   Seeing Gurudev many evenings at Satsang was a gift.

After one week at Panchakarma, I shifted to the Ashram housing and stayed with 3 roommates including a senior teacher from Argentina.  I feel lucky to have met Ishmael from Argentina.  During this time, I finished up the balance of my 12 day treatments and did Seva in the kitchen.  I loved serving dinner in the kitchen and had the chance to serve some of our North America senior teachers including Pierre, Rajshree Didi, Michael Fischman, and the Frasers.

In early February, I was able to attend the evening events during the International Womens Conference (http://iwc.artofliving.org/).  The events were over the top and I felt like I was at Navratri again.  The conference hosts went all out and had really impressive performances, dinners, speakers, singers, flyers, and décor.  The Womens Conference was so well organized and so well decorated that I felt so proud to be a part of the Art of Living.  I hope many of the women I know will attend next year!

After Panchakarma, I checked into the Sri Sri Ayurveda Hospital (http://www.sscasrh.org/sri-sri-ayurveda-college/ - great video with Gurudev) for 5 days.  I had 4 full days of Ayurvedic treatments to alleviate my back pain.  The physiotherapist there, for the first time in months after many different doctors, accurately diagnosed me with postural scoliosis.  He laid out a plan with exercises to alleviate the postural scoliosis within 6 months.  I was so impressed with the Ayurvedic doctors and staff at the hospital that I setup a meeting with the hospital HOD (Head Of Department).  I am hoping to sponsor some updates to the meditation hall at the hospital.  For the first time in almost a year, my back spasm is completely gone.  The full body in-patient Abhyanga massage, other hot oil Ayurveda back treatments, and daily exercises healed my aching spine.

I had a day to spare and signed up for the Eternity process.  The process is too sacred to share / comment on, but I hope everyone gets the chance to do this lifetimes opening process.  We get to the Eternity process only three times in one lifetime. 

I then convinced my cousin-nephew to join me on an Art of Living Yes+ residential course at the Ashram.  Here’s where is gets GREAT.  The Yes+ teacher let me partly co-teach the course and I led the first Long Kriya process, wrap-up, some knowledge points, and the paper plate process.  I had such a blast and felt like a dream came true that weekend.  I made some great young friends and will hopefully get my other nephew to do Yes+ in the US later this year.  Our Yes+ students had Darshan with Gurudev and I got the chance to give Gurudev my new wooden business card and ask Gurudev to bless my nephew for his university studies in the US.

Next up, I checked in for the Shivatri AMC (Advanced Meditation Course) – Silence Course with Gurudev.  The silence was ok, but seeing Gurudev and doing one to two daily guided meditations with Gurudev everyday was GREAT.  On Shivatri day, after evening Puja (my first Shivatri Sankalpa), Gurudev gave everyone that was at the Ashram Darshan from midnight until 2:30am..I remember reading about how Mikey stayed up all night for Shivatri in Stumbling into Infinity and Gurudev even mentioned the tradition during Satsang.  So I stayed up all night doing seva, meditations and Kriya.  At 5am, we had a Puja and I took my 2^nd Sankalpa during the Puja.  By 8am or so, I was exhausted and hit the sack! J

The last two days of the Shivatri AMC, we did Shakti Kriya and the experience was once again very powerful.  I could barely sleep the 2^nd night and had to rest and skip the afternoon sessions of the silence course.

We finally ended the last evening of March 3^rd with the remaining 2/3 or so of our Silence course getting Darshan with Gurudev in the Vishalakshi Mantap (VM) building (http://www.artofliving.org/bangalore-ashram/vishalakshi-mantap).

I feel so lucky to have met some of our TTC classmates at the Bangalore Ashram during the stay there.  I hope we can all meet in Bangalore for Navratri or Shivatri. 

Feeling grateful and blessed beyond words…

Love & Jai Guru Dev,

An Aspiring Yogi

Desire, Cravings, and Surrender

"When you let go of all your desires, the Master's Plan for your life starts manifesting...and anything is possible any Moment" - ...

When I read this, I realized that I am still holding onto selfish cravings and desires.  A dear friend, a girl I used to casually date, and a "friends with benefits" friend for a few years, called me last night and wanted to get some advice on a guy she was recently dating.  We spoke for a while, I supported her, listened to her, and gave her advice when she asked for it.  She's a wonderful person and seems to have great friends and a good relationship with her family.  She struggles though with men...including me.  I just never took the time to get emotionally attached and we simply became "friends with benefits."  We hooked up too quick!  

So last night while talking, old memories of our physical relationship crept up into my mind and I started craving sex with her.  I am sure she would be more than happy to meet, but this would not be fulfilling and would completely go against my commitment to be a Brahmacharya.  As I thought an struggled a little with this desire, I came to realize that what I was feeling and seeking is for "myself" and not anyone else.  The pleasure I am seeking has a very finite beginning and an end with countless moments of anticipation of some future moment and then glorifying the past with a touch of detachment during.  This reflects directly on what the Bhagavad Gita states as cravings to overcome.  Drop the sense pleasures and seek an everlasting joy in samadhi.

Orite, back to class...

In Loving Kindness,

An Aspiring Yogi

14 Ways to Welcome 2014

A Commentary on Ways to Welcome 2014 by H. H. Sri Sri Ravi Shankar:

What are some ways to be happy?  What is happiness?  In a course I took a few years ago, I realized the entire weekend was dedicated to one thing…making us realize that happiness is a choice.  We have the choice to be happy now!  We spend so much time dwelling on the past / worrying about the future that we forget about this amazing present moment.  Each time we catch ourselves drifting into never-never land glorifying the past / worrying / dreaming about the future, snap your fingers three times and say “now now now” in your head! 

Dream the Impossible.  There’s an amazing Puja Bhanu Didi sang in her CD that Swamiji Jayanth shared with me at the Bangalore Ashram.  The Puja, he said, takes you beyond imagination.  After listening to the Puja on my drive back from Boone, NC after Christmas 2013, I realized some profound questions coming up…thoughts from layers in the universe to the spherical present moment.  We have so much to wonder about.  I’ve heard Rajshree Didi say Gurudev’s offered us only a drop in the ocean of consciousness.  We are not ready yet for the rest of the ocean, but Gurudev’s hopefully going to share more expanders like Shakti Kriya and Sudarshan Chakra Kriya.

Cultivate the Habit of Listening.   How often does our small mind chatter and think of thoughts that refer to I, me, or my?  Why does the small mind or ego constantly or often enough want to chime in with thoughts or opinions, &/ incomprehensible or mindless chatter from past impressions?  How do we quieten the mind?  Through knowledge, disciplined sadhana, seva, satsang, and a gentle smile, the mind may be able to let go of the chattering mind and reach that space of peace and tranquility.  From this space, we can listen.  We can listen like that part of the movie, Peaceful Warrior.  Just being present to the moment can really open up something for us.  Just wondering and allowing the mind to stop focusing on me, my, or I can open up so much space for the mind to calm down and be quiet.

Make Meditation a part of Life.  Just taking 20 minutes out a day twice a day can significantly enhance your happiness and centeredness.  Sometimes I feel like it’s simply a clearing for the day’s activities in the mind.  Sometimes meditation can take you to a whole different world.  Why not experience a vacation twice a day?  Why not recharge the mind similar to how we recharge our cell phones?    

Follow Truth.  Why not dive deep into knowledge and learn great life lessons.  One of the most important lessons I’ve learned is to become a witness to the mind.  Our mind is often chattering and not quiet.  If we can shift from experiencing all of these thoughts to being a witness of these thoughts, this can be a wonderful way to relax and become happier and more peaceful.

Share your Joy.  Gurudev recently tweeted that we should share our problems with the divine and our joy with others.  I decided earlier this year to choose happiness and to also stop complaining.  The complaining mind can be addictive.  When we can shift to unloading our complaints and problems on the divine and sharing our joy with others, we can create a happier and more loving environment. 

Think Fresh.  I recently heard a statistic that we have the same thoughts over 90% of the time day after day.  How do we break this cycle of negative thoughts that don’t serve us?  One traditional method is Japa.  Another is meditation.  In deep silence the mind can settle down and let go of the stresses / fear / anxiety that it’s holding onto. 

Be Sincere.  Being sincere really means being simple, honest, and humble…being authentic and natural.  When we are sincere we connect with others and are more vulnerable and also more sensitive to others.  Sharing ourselves by spreading both joy and the journey that we’ve been on allows others to connect with us in a personal way.  This sincerity helps create an environment of sharing and caring.

Learn to Forgive.  Forgiving others helps not only the ones we’re forgiving, but also ourselves.  When we begin to see others with compassion and love, we move from a space of responding out of immediate ego, to a place of knowledge with compassion and empathy.  Forgiveness is the first of the five principles in the Ashtavakra Gita.

Stop Worrying.  Often times, we’re worrying about the future.  What will the future hold?  Will I do well on exams?  Will my kids turnout ok?  The way to alleviate worry is to become present to the moment at hand.  When we are fully present to this moment, we realize greater happiness by not dwelling on the past / worrying about the future.  If we can surrender the past to destiny, and the future to free will, and give our 100% to this present moment, we can achieve so much right now!

Have a Sense of Humor.  You know, in Jai Guru Dev, “Dev” means “playful, yet dignified” among other possible definitions.  Our dear Gurudev is a perfect example of this and he was recently caught on video enjoying a good laugh with one of India’s great comedians.  So fun to see!  Once when I was in Canada with Gurudev, he even mentioned how to really authentically laugh.  He said we laugh with the “hehehe” from our gut / stomach…where you can really feel it…almost uncontrollable.  Gurudev said that an insincere laugh is one that’s controlled like the “mwuhahahahahaha.”  Seeing life as a game and realizing we are only here to look around for a while can help us lighten up a bit!

Take Responsibility.  Responsibility brings power.  When I say power, what I mean is Empower.  When you take on a responsibility you become empowered to do it…similar to the law of intention.  Recently a man asked Gurudev why he could not simply live like he was when he was a baby / young boy with everything taken care of for him.  Gurudev responded that there’s a time in your life when you are taken care of and a time in your life when you take care of others.  As adults, we have an opportunity to serve others and take on greater responsibilities.    

Be a Student Always.  I recently spent two months at the Bangalore ashram in back-to-back courses and I had one teacher who taught my last six weeks of the courses while I was there.  I remember when I first saw him over the first few days, I thought will this young guy who seems so laid back, humble, and playful, be assisting the teacher / when will the teacher arrive?  Little did I know he was the teacher, Kashi Bhaya, humbly referred to in the Ashram.  Kashi Bhaya not once took on the heir of an arrogant teacher / made decisions in a vacuum.  He often said that he would check-in with Gurudev and see what Gurudev will say.  Kashi Bhaya is an inspiration as an ongoing student as he not once asserted himself in front of us.  Kashi Bhaya felt like both our classmate and teacher...he seemed like the perfect example of a student!  This quest to have inquiry into the unknown and go deeper in our Sadhana allows us to open up to the vastness of what’s unknown.  There’s so much to study and I’ve even heard the Vedas take 120 years to study completely.

Spread Happiness.  This is beautiful.  We have a Happiness Program now that focuses on taking people from stressed out, miserable, anxious, and or depressed, to simply happy and peaceful.  The more people we can share this happiness with, the more people benefit from this practice.  I have a business card with a quote from Mother Teresa that says, “Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.”  When we share our happiness with others, not only do they feel better, we feel better as well.

In Loving Kindness,

Jai Guru Dev,

An Aspiring Yogi

2013 in Review

What an amazing year.  I am so grateful and feel like the year 2013 will be one of my most significant years of reference.  I completed two TTCs (Art of Living and Sri Sri Yoga) this year, Sri Sri Yoga I & Sri Sri Yoga II, Guru Puja I, attended Guru Poornima for my first time, became a Marma practitioner, taught my first Art of Living course, went through my Upananayanam, learned the Sandhyavandanam Puja, and attended Navratri celebrations in Bangalore.  I also committed to the spiritual path as a Brahmachari for life.

On the professional front, this was the first year ever of being self-employed.  I brokered over US $2M in real estate investments, sold my property management company, paid off all of my debts including student loans and my house, and remodeled my cottage house.

My most memorable experience this year was directly speaking to Gurudev twice in one year.  During our Vedic Wisdom course I told him we would raise 15 lakhs or $25,000 US dollars for a village's water system near Yellamanchili in Andhra Pradesh.  During Gurudev's first Christmas in the US, I had a chance to have Gurudev open my Christmas gift to him on Christmas day...felt like a dream come true!  He opened up the Ganesha glass globe ornament and held it up for everyone to see.  I also had a chance to give him our Keep Austin Meditating business card.  He seemed to love it :-)  For one reason or another, I felt like I was pulled in to meet Gurudev in his Boone home multiple evenings during the Christmas TRM & the Silence Course.   I feel so blessed to be in his consciousness.  I feel that he's in each and every cell of my existence.  This was also the first year I completely surrendered to the divine.  I am now completely open to whatever Gurudev wants.

Here's my list of New Year's resolutions I keep on my phone to review every now and then...here's the year 2013:
1.  Guru Puja, TTC, Upanishads, Guru Poornima - DONE
2.  Grow business &/ get work - DONE
3.  Get in a loving relationship / don't waste your time - DONE
4.  Finish all of Notes to the Sincere Seeker - DONE
5.  Bring 50 people to AOL
6.  Heal shoulder - DONE
7.  Be a great uncle & mentor to kiddos - DONE
8.  Sincerely help / uplift at least one person / day
9.  Be loving & unassuming - innocent
10.  Study all of Ashtavakra, Yoga Pitanjali, & Narada Bhakti Sutras books & videos - DONE

Extra Credit:

Sri Sri Yoga 2 - DONE

Back to daily Sadhana - DONE

Close 2 properties and sign up two new clients - DONE

Get to true passive income goal - DONE

Maintain a clean and well organized home - IN PROGRESS

Sell all 3 cars and get Highlander - DONE

All in all, I feel like I had a very successful year.  On the happiness side, I feel much happier than I was at the end of 2012 and can feel the change within a year.  I can feel the depth of being on this path with discipline.  I can sense the changes will continue as I lose the sense of "I" "me" or "my" and gain the sense of the field of consciousness.  What is truly hollow and empty?  Who am I?  What does "you are that" really mean?  What is happiness?  Equanimity?  What are the layers of the universe?  What is surrender?  What is consciousness?  What is liberation?  Enlightenment?  What is present moment awareness?  Brahma Consciousness?  So many questions to ponder on...I have some ideas, but sense the answers we have to these questions are either beyond words / change over time.

In loving kindness.  May 2014 be filled with love, harmony, belongingness with everyone, sincerity, and authenticity.

Love & Jai Guru Dev,

An Aspiring Yogi

Two Months in India

Wanted to share experiences from an unbelievable two months at the Bangalore Ashram.  I feel very lucky to have spent 6 of the 8 weeks at the Ashram with Gurudev.  

The first course we did was the Navratri celebrations and silence course.  I had great company with Vyom Ji (a local Austinite).  The Homas and Pujas were so powerful with so many people in our very own Yagnashala (the Ampitheater:  http://www.artofliving.org/bangalore-ashram/yagnashala).  Felt like we had upwards of 10,000 people there at one time during these events.  Thanks to Vyom's guidance, I took a couple of Sankalpas (sponsoring the Puja with Intention).  The depth of experience cannot be put into words.

The second course I took was the Vedic Wisdom course.  This month-long course included the sacred threading ceremony:  Upanayana.  Here's a video on the course:  Vedic Wisdom Program - The Art of Living.  We took a deep dive into sacred Mantra chanting and performing Pujas / Homas.  I also had a chance to complete an initial reading of the Bhagavad Gita text.  I look forward to continually studying this text and Gurudev's commentary.  We touched on Sanskrit and the basics of the language.  One of the most significant experiences of my life was our Padyatra journey to Andhra Pradesh (AP).  A group of 4 of us (all Americans) spent one week in AP and completed 4,000 blessings.  We met several villagers and used Yellamanchili as our home base.  An eye and heart opening experience.  We are hoping to raise $25k in the US to provide our host's village with a clean water system.  We are now actively working with the Art of Living's Deepening Roots / Adopt a Village program.  I'll share more soon.

The third course I did was Sri Sri Yoga TTC.  The Sri Sri Yoga TTC in India was intense...a true stretch, no pun intended :-)  I averaged about 3 to 4 hours of sleep per night for over two weeks.  We had exams at the end and I'm glad to share that I'm now a Sri Sri yoga teacher :-)  All I can say is, just do it!  TTC was awesome.

I am excited about seeing Gurudev again in Boone.  I hope many of us will be there to be with Gurudev.

Hope many from the US will join for Shivatri in 2014:  2/26 - 3/2:  http://www.artoflivinguniverse.org/2013/11/Maha-Shivratri-Celebration-2014-Bangalore-Ashram.html.

A Desire Fulfilled...

I just finished hanging out with SF.  She's every man's dream...attractive Russian blonde with an amazing body.  5'6 and an avid yoga class enthusiast. She's actually my perfect astrological match & I'm a Gemini so there's not many out there.  I've casually pursued her for about three years.  We dated briefly a few years ago until i found out she was married going through a divorce...I thought it wasn't right.  I enjoy being around her, but am not in love with her.  I tend to have this exact same reaction with almost all women.  I feel like it's a waste of my time.  In fact, post-coital, the tejas / simply prana in the system feels very low.  As I go deeper and deeper in my spiritual path, I feel that casual romantic encounters get in the way of awareness, consciousness, depth & simple happiness on the path.  The low prana felt after and the next day feel like it's not worth the temporary and momentary pleasure of sex.  Why does the male human have such a strong sense of lust / desire for sex?  I need to let SF know that I can't see her romantically anymore.  I am glad to be dear friends with her, but not at a physical level.  I believe that sex should be from a space of deep love vs. lust.  I read a beautiful quote earlier today:  "When we don’t need anything from anyone, we will not have cravings towards anybody. When there is no craving, there will be no aversion.+Sri Sri Ravi Shankar."  Such a profound statement.  Letting go of lust / sex / desire could be one of the greatest & most liberating acts for a human male. I aspire to reach the point where I feel like a child...a yogi, if you will.  I'm falling asleep now...with deep gratitude for this realization...may I grow in maturity to not repeat this again.

Love & Jai Guru Dev,

An Aspiring Yogi