I remember back in 2000 or 2001 when I lived off of S. Shepherd near Rice University in Houston. I remember taking time off to simply do nothing...a "staycation" before the name even came up...I wouldn't even drive my car. I simply biked around the area for a couple of days and felt better. I feel like I have returned to this place of deep negativity and regret that I have ended up in a space of no sadhana. I miss the days of longing for my beloved and being happy just thinking about being close to him. I have since left the thought of my beloved and have decided to pursue a more worldly life. I am happier to be home in Austin, TX and have started to nest within my nice little house in East Austsin off of Bob Harrison.
I struggle each day with so many negative thoughts and emotions. I can't describe what flows through my mind, but it's not happiness. I feel like I've created a whole team of antagonists and this makes me sad. I live to uplift others around me and love to see others happy. I feel bad that so many negative thoughts are flowing through my small mind. Why are these thoughts happening? Why have I created a chief antagonist that seems to be my "bully" in the spiritual realm. I feel that he verbally and physiologically abuses me. I'm not sure why I've created this person in my mind, but I wish to be free of him. I wish to be free of the path for some time. I'm about to cancel my trip to see Gurudev in December and I feel bad for doing it. I purposefully did not go to Navratri for the same reason. I just need a break and there's too much "processing" that's happening right now. This doesn't seem to be the way.
I hope to become free of this and reinsert myself in to the "matrix" of worldly life for some time. I feel that it's important to find happiness in this wordly life before embarking on finding happiness in the Purusha.
I hope to one day meet my beloved again. Until then, I hope to date an amazing woman that I've met recently in Austin and simply be happy. I would love to be in romantic love. I know it will happen.
I hope for everyone to be happy. I hope for morale to be higher in this world. I hope for the best...as my Gurudev says, "only the best will happen..."
Love & Jai Guru Dev,
An Aspiring Yogi
I struggle each day with so many negative thoughts and emotions. I can't describe what flows through my mind, but it's not happiness. I feel like I've created a whole team of antagonists and this makes me sad. I live to uplift others around me and love to see others happy. I feel bad that so many negative thoughts are flowing through my small mind. Why are these thoughts happening? Why have I created a chief antagonist that seems to be my "bully" in the spiritual realm. I feel that he verbally and physiologically abuses me. I'm not sure why I've created this person in my mind, but I wish to be free of him. I wish to be free of the path for some time. I'm about to cancel my trip to see Gurudev in December and I feel bad for doing it. I purposefully did not go to Navratri for the same reason. I just need a break and there's too much "processing" that's happening right now. This doesn't seem to be the way.
I hope to become free of this and reinsert myself in to the "matrix" of worldly life for some time. I feel that it's important to find happiness in this wordly life before embarking on finding happiness in the Purusha.
I hope to one day meet my beloved again. Until then, I hope to date an amazing woman that I've met recently in Austin and simply be happy. I would love to be in romantic love. I know it will happen.
I hope for everyone to be happy. I hope for morale to be higher in this world. I hope for the best...as my Gurudev says, "only the best will happen..."
Love & Jai Guru Dev,
An Aspiring Yogi
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