So I just got back from Bangalore, India with some bad news before my departure. We'll call her AM for now. AM sends me an email and tells me that she's reconnected with her x-boyfriend and she's sorry to let me know over email. I felt dissapointed and just tired. I thought we had something really special and I think it's really hard to meet someone you really like. I've had some odd negative thoughts lately that I'm seeing a therapist for - sometimes I wonder if these thoughts have entered our shared implicit communications. After visiting a couple of ashrams in India I feel like I've been newly exposed to a path of opening my heart and finding the ability to share good feelings with others. I'm still learning, but feel that there's a great opportunity to share positive emotions and thoughts vs. negative feelings, thoughts, and materialism. This is all connected to the idea of creating more communitarian vs. exclusive outlets in society. How do we also share our heart centers with all those around us?
So I land on Sunday and get a call from AM. I didn't really feel like answering her call and I check the voice mail a little later. Turns out it didn't work out with her x-boyfriend and she wants to talk. I was surprised to say the least. This is after I've deleted her photos and voice mails. I guess you could say I did a little mental / emotional housekeeping. So now I'm torn. I mean, here's a woman I was crazy about, dated for a month, and was so happy to communicate with even when I was in India, but she didn't return my calls or emails and now she wants to talk? I just don't get it. I guess she did just break up with her boyfriend a month ago and recently got back with him as in Thursday / Friday, but I don't know why she would want to reconnect with me on such short notice? I think she needs some space and time to get over her boyfriend. As much I'd like to be with her, I don't believe she's really emotionally available. I've decided that I really do like her enough that I'll give it a shot if she wants to be in an committed relationship. If she says she's not ready and she doesn't know what she wants, then I'll just tell her that I don't think I'm it right now and maybe our paths will cross again. I don't think I'm as emotionally invested as I was before she broke it off, whatever we had. At this point in my life, I'm not looking to casually date, I'm looking to settle down. We'll see. Wonder if I'm taking the right path on this one...we'll see on Wednesday. Until then, In Loving Kindness, RMS.
